I failed to mention in my previous post that Thunder is their badass boat with gadgets like KITT from Knight Rider and a voice like Zordon from the Mighty Morphing Power Rangers. Despite this AMAZING concept, Thunder in Paradise III is pretty terrible. However, during the opening credits, Jimmy Fucking Hart sings a song about how girls turn him on while Brutus The Barber Beefcake drinks heavily and nods his head, making this movie a cut above the other two. Also, there is a side story about a really creepy photographer trying to get pictures of bikini-clad women on the beach. If someone told me this movie was a porno, I would pretty much believe him until about 45 bare-boobless minutes in.
The main story resides around Hogan and his partner Bru doing a favor for a DEA agent trying to nag a drug lord by the name of Santiago who happens to be vacationing in "Paradise". He is a very racist depiction of a Columbian I believe played by the same guy who plays Bru in a fake beard (Eddie Murphy style). This decision absolutely blows my mind. Anyway, the rest of the movie is just meaningless search and rescue/capture action. It's unspectacular. Adding to the fun, Hogan's daughter makes a Lionel-Richie-inspired clay sculpture of Hogan's head. It takes a bullet to the face.
I must admit that there is a huge weight lifted off my shoulder now that I have finally eliminated this $15 abomination from my backlog. I officially have no DVD movies, only DVD seasons left. Thank Zordon. Also, in the interest of full disclosure I watched this movie at 1.28 times regular speed... and Webber, feel free to try to use this post to get laid.
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