February 28, 2013

Batman: Death of the Family



Why I bought it: 12 issues of Batman was on sale for $12. I probably have read four comics before this in my life, but I have always loved Batman. I decided to give it a shot.

Thoughts: I feel pretty lucky to have timed my subscription to Batman right at the beginning of the "Death of the Family" arc. It stretched across 5 issues, Batman 13-17 (of the "new 52"). However, on top of these 5 books, there were issues of Nightwing, Batgirl and even Catwoman that are considered "Tie-in" stories. Anyway, this arc was pretty fantastic. All the big names, both bad and good, were in it. But at its heart, it was another story of Batman vs. Joker. The "Family" referred to in the title of this arc are Batman's friends/fellow super heroes. This family is made up of what seems like at least four people that were Robin, the current Robin (who happens to be Batman's son), Batgirl, Gordon and Alfred. Joker made it his mission to mess with all of them. Because I never read the comics, I was surprised at just how demented Joker truly was. For some reason, the thing that really stuck with me was the fact that Joker slept under Gordon's bed at night. Terrifying.

The writing in these books was strong. Issues 13, 14 and 17 were great in particular, and though issues 15 and 16 were not quite up to the standard set by the others, it still made for an enjoyable read. I really liked everything I read. It makes me want to go back and read the important issues in Batman history.

Should I have bought it: Absolutely.


Amélie


You can't judge a DVD by its cover. Look at this one. A wide-eyed young woman shoots the camera a cheeky, naughty look and the tag line warns that "she'll change your life." The easy assumption to make is that Amélie is a movie about a flirtatious little French heartbreaker, a simple "manic pixie dream girl" rom-com before it was a beaten down trope. Not so! I mean, yes, it is a romantic comedy of sorts and the title character is mischievous, but only in the sense that she goes around helping people without their knowledge. Furthermore, Amélie is a well-developed character rather than merely a quirky object of desire for a dopey male protagonist.

What I'm trying to say here is that this is more than just a French precursor to Garden State.

Yeah, Amélie is eccentric, but so is this entire movie. It's bright, cheerful, and at times downright cartoonish. Exaggerated sound effects and bouncy accordion tunes provide a pleasant ear-feel, and little bits of imagination and fantasy are played out in the best CGI available in 2001, which added even more charm to the movie without outright dating it.

I'm left without much else to say about Amélie. It was a fun little movie and it wasn't nearly as basic or predictable as I figured it would be, so praise and kudos. All the same, I can't pretend it's even remotely essential viewing. There are many better foreign films out there than this one, which might only be as popular as it is in America because it's a foreign film - and a token foreign film at that. Still, not bad. Not bad at all.

February 27, 2013

Pokemon White

It's been a long time since I last beat a Pokemon game (Pokemon Red, back in seventh grade), but it hasn't actually been that long since I played one. I briefly had Pokemon Silver on my backlog, a game I remember picking up to play years ago but wasn't sure why I put it down. After a few sessions of playing it on my old Game Boy Color somewhat recently, I figured it out- the game would delete my save file at random! Unless I was willing to sit down and play through the game in one sitting, it just wasn't going to happen. Perhaps someday I'll pick up the DS port of that generation's games, but eventually I was given a copy of Pokemon White of the most recent generation (5, I think) and decided to play that one first. It felt like a great game to re-enter the series on, as everything I loved about Pokemon Red was here, yet updated with 150 new pokemon, a few new types, and a whole lot of depth for those interested. One of the main things I appreciated was that Pokemon White focuses solely on its own 150 pokemon- you don't have to worry about catching Rattatas and Psyducks in addition to your Audinos and Sawks. Like the original you start off with a fire/water/grass type and work your way through eight gyms to earn badges, then take on the elite 4, and then catch a legendary pokemon with your trusty master ball. What I don't remember from the old games was following that up immediately with a 'final boss'- perhaps a fellow blogger may remember, but isn't catching Mewtwo basically the 'end' of the game aside from the sidequest of catching 'em all? Here you take on two bosses to finish up the game. Another thing that stood out to me was the villainous team- where Team Rocket in the original games was just a group of liars and cheats out to steal your pokemon, Team Plasma is actually kind of interesting. They seem to be the only ones in this game who realize that capturing animals and forcing them to fight for our pleasure is pretty fucked up. They almost feels like a harsh critique on PETA, but since this is a kids game they quickly turn from 'Pokemon liberators' to basic villains. Still though, I'm surprised the idea was addressed at all. There's a whole lot more to the games that I haven't explored, but it's questionable whether I'll return to it later- I'm 2 years behind the curve for generation 5, so maybe I'll get in on the ground floor of the upcoming sixth generation. As long as it's as good as Pokemon White, I'll give it a serious play.

February 26, 2013

The Darjeeling Limited


My history with Wes Anderson movies is interesting in that until tonight I had only seen one of them - The Life Aquatic - and yet I still consider myself to have a history with Wes Anderson movies. Last summer, I kept meaning to see Moonrise Kingdom in theaters, but never got around to it. The Royal Tenenbaums is something I've been interested in seeing for close to a decade. And Fantastic Mr. Fox was a rented movie I started watching at my parents' house a few years ago, only to fall fast asleep after fifteen minutes. I've had so much interest both past and present in Wes Anderson, but until now I'd only seen the film of his that consensus critical opinion had dubbed the worst. Well, time to fix that. About a week ago I blew a sizable Amazon gift card on tons of cheap DVDs. (Terrible for the backlog, but better DVDs than 20-hour video games, I guess.) This was one of them.

I have no idea how I feel about The Darjeeling Limited. There've been plenty of movies before that have left me feeling apathetic toward them, but this isn't one of those. I'm still actively struggling to figure out if I liked this movie or disliked it. More specifically, there were aspects that I liked and aspects that I disliked, and I can't even figure out which were which. I've been charmed, I've been vexed, and more than anything I'm just confused. Not by the movie itself; the plot was relatively simple. Actually, that might be part of my mutual appeasement and annoyedness. Three brothers are passengers on a train in India, headed to see their mother. After a few small misadventures, they arrive. And that's it. That's all there is. But it isn't a boring movie at all. It's just funny enough, mostly in an odd way, and short enough, at ninety minutes total, that there was never a dull moment. But in a movie with such a barebones plot that isn't a straight-up comedy, you expect some sort of drama, for lack of a better word. Tension, maybe. There's almost none of that to be found here. The few times the film ventures into emotional territory, it feels insincere. But that's not to say it's a cynical movie at all, either. Nor even a satire. Again, I have no idea how I feel about The Darjeeling Limited.

Wes Anderson has a very distinct style that I've picked up on after seeing just two of his movies, and the best and most consistent example I can think of is the fun he has with camera pans. A character will walk out of a static shot, for instance, and several seconds later the camera will pan over to him doing something that catches you off guard. The characters in the shot, however, have been keeping track of the off-screen character all along, so it doesn't phase them at all. This is quirky and funny, but it also serves to alienate the viewer. Where most movies try to invite the viewer in, so to speak, this one (along with The Life Aquatic and presumably every Wes Anderson movie) keeps reminding you that you are not part of the on-screen proceedings. At its worst it feels like an inside joke you aren't a part of. At its best, it's a very effective way to set up and execute some quick visual humor.

There's a melancholy veneer that hangs over The Darjeeling Limited, and even though there are some moments of honest introspection and an emotional climax, the movie doesn't let any of it resonate. It's weird, because I really liked The Life Aquatic for pulling the exact same tonal hijinks. Maybe I just expected that in a movie about an eccentric oceanographer and wanted something a little different in a movie about family ties and a spiritual journey through a foreign land.

I think I've spent the last few paragraphs convincing you readers, along with myself, that I disliked more about The Darjeeling Limited than I liked, but I don't think that's the case. Criticism just makes for a more interesting discussion than praise, maybe? I don't know. There was plenty to love about The Darjeeling Limited, though, and if you're looking for a good Wes Anderson movie you should make sure to give it your own shot.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season One

After all of that heavy dramatic television I've watched over the past two months, it was nice to ease up with something lighter. I realize at the time Seinfeld was a revolutionary show that was famous for subverting expectations in a sitcom, but by now it feels like "comfort food" television, or "comfort television" which should be a real thing. Anyway Curb Your Enthusiasm's first season feels like a natural extension of Seinfeld's premise- the move to HBO allowed Larry David to make dirtier and darker jokes, but Curb Your Enthusiasm seems to be a pretty simple and fun show overall. The main cast is more trimmed down as only the hapless but rich Larry and his wife Cheryl appear in every episode, but the show is loaded with hilarious guest stars (especially Bob Odenkirk as porn star Gil Bang) that keeps things interesting. It's not a show that demands watching, but I'll likely stick with Curb Your Enthusiasm just the same when I need to watch something with a little less weight to it.

February 24, 2013

Roll Bounce


I'm really not even sure why I watched this one.  A co-worker gave it to me so I felt the needs to finish it. But it was not good. Lil Bow Wow is the leader of a roller skating crew. Him and his crew want to win the Skate Off, but they face some stiff competition in the all time champ Sweetness and his crew (I thought this guy was Bow Wow at first). Bow Wow recently lost his mom and has some family problems at home to get over before he can really focus on rollerskating. Beautifull from You Got Served plays his love interest. Because every movie needs one of those! One kid likes to wear skates that are too big for him because the ladies love big...feet.

This movie was not good.

You Got Served


If you know me, you know I have a weakness for over the top action movies and movies that feature a dance crew. Well this falls into the latter category. It's one of the first dance movies to hop onto the scene. It's about a young dance crew who, of course, encounter trouble and hardship. Can they overcome their differences to beat the privileged white kid group in the ultimate dance battle to win 50K and a spot in Lil Kim's music video? You'll have to watch to find out.

Some thoughts on this movie
1. I didn't like it as much as I thought I would. The dancing wasn't as sweet as I thought it would be.
2. They do ridiculous things like slow mo kisses and the camera bouncing when people land sweet dance moves
3. My FAVORITE Step Up character from Step Up 2 (also in She's the Man) is the co-leader of the other crew. So this movies gains a lot of props in my book.
4. There is a character named Beautifull. With 2 L's.
5. I like Step Up better. SO THERE. YOU GOT SERVED!

Drumline


Let's just keep the coworker recommendations going here. Drumline is a movie following Nick Cannon and his quest to be the most bad-ass snare drummer in allll of Georgia. He gets a scholarship to go to A&T university. With him, he brings his immense skill and huge attitude. He thinks he's the best guy these and can't get over himself for the sake of the band. In a surprise move to me, they let him on the band anyways (because he's awesome). However, the drumline leader finds out he can't read music and exposes him for the faker he really is. This movie has all the parts of your typical movie. He gets sad and gives up for a while. Then he decides to man up and help the band. He helps the band (even though he isn't on it) and helps them tie in a ATL band battle against their arch nemesis. While helping, he wins back the affection of his coach, team, and drum line leader, and competes with them in the drum-off to crown the winner. YEAAAA BAND. Seriously, this movie is real fun and I hope Nick Cannon is like this in real life. He kinda reminds me of Wallace from the Wire.

In Her Shoes


A coworker told me I had to watch this movie so I did. I have never heard of it before. It was pretty cute. Rose and Maggie (Cameron Diaz) are sisters. Rose is a slightly overweight lawyer. She buys shoes when she feels sad and thus has an impressive collection of impressive shoes that she never wears. Maggie is young and beautiful and has no career to speak of. She gets strangers to buy her drinks and lives off her dad and her sister. Well, when Maggie sleeps with Rose's man friend, shit hits the fan! Rose kicks Maggie out. Maggie, searching for money to steal from her family, finds birthday cards from a Grandmother she never knew she had. She flies down to Daytona (of course) to visit her Grandmother. She originally only intends to mooch off her, but finds a life and career for herself among the old folk. Rose on the other hand quit her job at a law firm, started walking dogs for a living, and met a man she can actually be herself with. However, her relationship is in danger because she is holding back her anger for her sister Maggie. Don't worry, everything ends well! Maggie gets her sister and fiance back together and starts her own personal shopping business and everyone lives happily ever after with a newly found grandma. Horray! Chic flicks!

Gathering Blue


Gathering Blue is a companion novel to the Giver. It doesn't involve any of the same characters as the Giver but is is similar in theme. It is set in a future dystopian society. There is a hierarchy in society and the most respected people of the society are the singer, the carver, and the threader. The singer tells a yearly tale of the history of all society. The tale is pictured on his intricately woven robe and his carved staff. As you age in society, your name gains syllables with the maximum being four. There are wild beasts outside of the community which are known as incredibly dangerous. And when people die, they bring you to the field, where you will be taken by the beasts.

Our main character Kira has an injured leg and only is alive because her mother fought for her when she was born. Generally, injured people are left to the beasts because they cannot contribute to society. Kira has found a niche in weaving and is incredibly talented with her hands. Her mother dies and Kira is worried that society will cast her away to the fields because of her leg. However, a man on the council of the guardians defends Kira and she is given a new job, repairing the role of the Singer. She makes a friend in Matt a dirty rascal of a young boy who rescued a small dog and Thomas, the carver, who is given the job of repairing the singer's cane.

The book was really interesting in a similar vain to the Giver. Our main character and her rag tag gang uncover secrets about the society they thought they knew so well! Huzzah!

Peter Pan


Why I bought it: Danielle bought it for me for Valentine's Day. I am beginning to realize I get a lot of movies as gifts so perhaps I should rename this section. Also, perhaps I do not have as big of a movie-buying problem as I first thought.

Thoughts: Holy shit, Peter Pan sucks... maybe not the movie, but definitely the character. He is a pompous little shit who doesn't want to let anyone else grow up. He plays with the hearts of Wendy, Tiger Lilly, all the Mermaids and Tinker Bell. Don't get me started on Tinker Bell. What a cunt. She literally tried to have Wendy killed by the Lost Boys. Also, the Lost Boys? The fuck is wrong with them? Dressed as a skunk? A rabbit? Why? I can honestly say that I would've hated this experience if it wasn't for the fact that I loved Peter Pan as a kid. Yes, it was a hugely nostalgic experience, but the only part of this movie I actually enjoyed was before the titular character was even introduced. I do like Wendy, John and Michael if only because the two boys remind me of Simon and Theodore (brothers of Alvin). I dunno why this movie disappointed me so much, but I am thinking it has to do with how much worse it is than newer animated Disney movies like Aladdin and Lion King.

Should I have bought it: Yeah, so my kids can hate it too.

Batman: The Dark Knight Returns Parts I & II


You may remember, a while back, I posted on Frank Miller's graphic novel masterpiece, The Dark Knight Returns. Where many people rate this as being one of the best Batman stories ever written, it's so fucking entertaining, it's up there as one of the best novels I've ever read. Period.

Well, when I finally got around to buying up the directed to video adaptation, I was a little skeptical if it could re-deliver on the same excitement I once enjoyed. I mean, this isn't some theatrical release with millions and millions of dollars backing it - don't get me wrong, I do hope this happens one day. No. This was a direct to DVD release. For me, this usually translates to low-budget and poor critic reception. Let's not waste our time and money putting this into theaters, but maybe we can make some money back on DVD. On top of this, I didn't hear much noise for Part I, which was released back in the fall. It wasn't until Part II came out last month that the whole thing began to turn some heads. With that bit of commotion - and my love of original novel - I decided to give both parts a go in one sitting.

Holy shit! Holy shit! Holy shit!

Yes. It's damn amazing.

If you haven't seen this yet, and you're at least somewhat of a Batman fan, what are you waiting for? If your answer is that you're still planning on reading Miller's novel first, then I understand. But, still... Why are you waiting on reading that? The story of Batman's return from retirement is, in a word... epic. Get on that shit! Its brilliant story aside, let's jump to how this adaptation faired.

I'm not sure how or why I was so riveted by it, but I was. I mean, it didn't have my A-team cast. That would have pretty much included the same talent from the 90's WB Batman: The Animated Series along with Bryan Cranston as Commissioner Gordon. In this case we have Robocop playing Wayne/Batman (with one monotone voice playing both characters - a bit boring) and the younger sister of Modern Family playing Carrie Kelley (this story's Robin). Basically nothing special here. The only voice acting that came across somewhat interesting what Lost's Ben Linus' work as the Joker. Still... I give it all a "meh". 

Next is the animation. Another "meh". I mean, it's television quality. Not cinema quality. Even 1988's animation classic Akira leaves the animation direction in these films in the dust. True, Akira - for those that haven't seen it - is a high bar to reach, but I would even wager that the direction in 90's animated series was much stronger than what I saw in here. 

So, talent... nothing special. Animation... gets the job done. Even the soundtrack was so-so. It sounded like composer Christopher Drake borrowed heavily from Hans Zimmer's Dark Knight soundtrack. Good, but nothing original or groundbreaking.

What the fuck is it then that's so great about these films?

It's Miller's story, plain and simple. Even when it's boiled down to a film adaptation - where you lose all of the characters' internal monologues - the story is still unbelievably compelling. Now, it may seem like I'm shitting on all of those responsible for building these films, but I do have to commend them for staying so true to the source material in this adaptation. In fact it's probably the most accurate film adaptation I've ever seen.

Now, I'll end this post with one final recommendation. If any of you ever decide to embark on this story, first, I should ask you to read Miller's Batman: Year One. Then watch the film adaptation - Cranston plays Gordon; he's fantastic. There's no connection between Year One and this story, but it's apart of Miller's Batman work and both should be experienced. Next, move your way to Miller's Dark Knight Returns - the novel version. Once you've read that, then view both parts of this film adaptation (back-to-back) and re-live Wayne's return to to cowl, his final fight against the insane Joker, and the climatic brawl between Batman and seemingly invincible Superman. After you're finished salivating from all of that, move onto Miller's sequel, The Dark Knight Strikes Again. Something I'll be posting upon here soon.

A Clockwork Orange


Hey, sure, why not? Let's make it another Stanley Kubrick night.

This was a great movie. It was based on an even better novel. Actually, I read A Clockwork Orange only a few months before starting this blog, and since the movie was so faithful to the book in general, I'll just use this opportunity to talk about both versions of the story. The book is over 50 years old now, and the movie more than 40, so I don't think it can be considered a spoiler if I outline the plot a little bit. Here it goes.

The story takes place in a near future dystopian London in which violent crime runs rampant. Alex, the protagonist, leads a gang of teenage delinquents. We're not talking graffiti or drugs, either, but like, full on breaking and entering, assault and battery, and rape. In the book, Alex even rapes some ten-year-old girls. Did I mention that the subject matter here was (and still is) extremely controversial? Anyway, Alex and his friends just seem to get their rocks off by cracking heads, spilling blood, and forcibly penetrating women. The first act concludes when Alex's friends betray him by beating him down and leaving him at the scene of an accidental murder - a simple rape and battery gone too far, you see.

The very distinct second act, which contains the book and movie's most iconic scene, takes place in prison. The sort-of-totalitarian government is testing out a special program designed to rehabilitate violent criminals in no time at all: the Ludovico Technique, in which the patient is strapped to a chair and shown violent images and film clips while being put through a great deal of pain and discomfort. The process is repeated many times and, if successful, conditions the patient to become terribly uncomfortable at even the mere thought of violent behavior. Alex, naturally, is its guinea pig. The Pavlovian scheme works perfectly, and Alex proves incapable of fighting back when slapped around, kicked, and stepped on by an assailant. He then vomits profusely at the sight of a naked woman, his instinct to sexually assault her being overcome by his revulsion at the thought of doing so; Alex is cured.

The third and final part of the story is the longest and the most thematically interesting. It shows us how Alex struggles to adjust once he's let back out into the real world, completely incapable of defending himself from harm or becoming sexually aroused. I won't go into every detail and encounter, but I'll say that the most compelling moral ambiguity here arises - much more so in the book - when you start to question whether Alex has become a better person or not. He's no longer a violent criminal, but he clearly hasn't changed for the better through his own free will. Has Alex really been redeemed, then? Or is it his intentions, and not his actions, on which we should pass judgment? I haven't made up my mind, and neither the book nor the movie really pushes you in one direction or the other. Pragmatically, I can see how such drastic measures (if effective) would rehabilitate criminals and perhaps be better for civilians and criminals alike than prisons. But I'd also be concerned with the real life implications of such a system that saps the free will from its patients. No doubt, it's better for the rest of us if violent criminals were tamed and rendered incapable of further violent crime, but the slippery slope ramifications - what if the government began to give behavior-altering treatments to all citizens as a preemptive measure? - give me doubts, too.

The biggest difference between the book and the movie - and it drastically changes the story's message - is the ending. Read on if you'd like. Alex, distraught over how shitty his life has become, attempts suicide. Since his revolutionary treatment had been made into national news, so too is the story of his suicide attempt. The public at large rallies against the treatment and cries that the somewhat-totalitarian regime has overstepped its boundaries by administering such a cure. In order to save face, the government offers Alex a low-end bureaucratic job and offers to reverse his treatment if he'll agree not to speak out about the treatment. As the movie ends, Alex begins to fantasize about violent sex again, and it's clear he hasn't been redeemed at all. But! The original novel does not end here, but rather includes an epilogue in which an older Alex, still a violent criminal, reflects on his life decisions and begins to soften up a bit. He runs into one of his old gang-members, now married with a family of his own, and seems inspired to "grow up" himself. So where the movie ends on a dark note - criminals don't really change their ways - the book offers a much more optimistic and forgiving outlook where people can reach a maturity where they've grown out of their juvenile violent ways. The drastic difference led to a falling out between director and author, with Burgess angry that people who saw the film wouldn't understand what his original outlook was, and Kubrick arguing that Burgess's ending was far too cheerful and unrealistic. While I liked the book and its ending better than the movie, I kind of agree with Kubrick here. There are far too many middle-aged rapists and murderers for me to believe that aggressive behavior is "just a phase" that it's easy to grow out of.

We're running long here, so let me just drop in a few more reactions to the film. Awesome soundtrack. Seriously, just so fitting. Sort of alien, sort of futuristic, plenty eerie. Also, a fantastic job by Malcolm McDowell in portraying Alex. Book Alex becomes a sympathetic character for the readers because we're in his head and following his thoughts, but to any outside observer it's clear that he's a sociopathic monster. McDowell provides enough charisma - and plenty is needed - to keep Movie Alex from being entirely unlikable. And, as always, Stanley Kubrick just aces it visually, creating all kinds of moods and eliciting reactions with his shots alone. Watch this movie, read the book that inspired it, and thank yourself for doing so.

February 23, 2013

Final Fantasy VI




This is my first post of the month and its already the 23rd thats not a great sign. The credits are still rolling on this one so I am not sure what my final time ended up being, I would estimate somewhere in the 60 hour range. Its hard to say for the fact that I often left it charging for a little bit while not actually playing which accumulated a few hours that weren't real.

I liked this game, I really did. However, I think I liked FFIV more. There were too many things I didn't like in this game. I think that I had to right Ultros, who wasn't even important, way too many times. Why the hell was I fighting a braggart of a squid? My other problem was the sheer amount of options I had for attacks. I used Gau and he ended up with like 60 rages that I had to remember what they did. Everyone else I tried to balance between attacks and magic. Most of them ended up with 12-20 magical spells. There were simply too many people to keep track of. I didn't want to need someone later and find out that I never bothered leveling them up so I tried to level everyone up and give them all basic healing and attack spells. I hated breaking people into parties and then realizing that one party was too strong or another was way to weak. I didn't really enjoy the part at the beginning of the dark part where I had to go get the gang back together. It felt very Mighty Ducks II. Trying to find out the specific things I needed to do to reclaim my party was hard and I don't think it was doable without a walk through  None of the bosses were all that hard and I felt like I was destroying all of them with very minimal grinding.

Now that I have bashed it thoroughly I will try to convince you that I did in actuality enjoy this game. I spent a lot of that first section comparing it to FFIV which is not fair because if I wanted FFIV again I would have just played that. The story in this game was a lot better and a lot more complex. I liked that I could use the Espers on everyone and they would all be able to learn new things. Nobody was limited to either attack or magic they could all do both (for the most part). I liked the way the Espers worked where they helped you level up but you could also use them once per battle. It wasn't like you could summon them over and over again so you had to choose the right time in the battle. The last section of battles were really fun. I liked that you had to fight like 7 battles in a row but they gave you  save points after the first three and then you had to blast your way through a long final boss battle. I only failed the final boss once which made it hard but not too hard. I would have been dissapointed if I just walked in and killed the final boss in one attempt.

I have FFV that was lent to me and I need to decide if I want to play that one also or just return it. I have Portal 2 and Fire Emblem that I am pretty deep into right now so posts should be coming on those shortly. I also have Chrono Trigger lined up as well as Scribblenauts Unlimited and New Super Mario Brothers 2 for the 3DS. Time to get my nose down to the Logstone (that was terrible I cant believe I said that).

Full Metal Jacket


Back in high school, I saw the opening half of Full Metal Jacket at a friend's house. It's the more famous half, simply depicting the rigorous and hellacious basic training regimen experienced by would-be Marines. I'm sure you're at least familiar with it; the drill sergeant alone has dozens of memorable gay-baiting one-liners like "I bet you're the kind of guy who would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach-around!" and "Only steers and queers come from Texas, Private Cowboy, and you don't look much like a steer to me, so that kinda narrows it down!" and "I bet you could suck a golfball through a garden hose!" It's funny enough, but also absolutely terrifying in its own right, and it ends with a disturbing scene in which one mentally broken recruit takes drastic measures into his own hands.

Anyway, I had to leave my friend's house right then, as the movie shifted into its very different second half (taking place in the middle of the Vietnam War), but when I asked him what I missed the next day, he seemed apathetic. "Nothing, really," was more or less the answer I got. Fast forward to tonight, when I'm finally ready to check out the second half of Full Metal Jacket. Clearly, my friend had missed some important or thematic message in high school; there obviously had to be something big that happened in the movie's second half that tied back into the boot camp scenes.

Eh, not really. My friend was right. While the rest of the movie wasn't a snoozer by any stretch, it did feel very much like any old generic war movie, and I was left at least a little bit disappointed. The movie's first half, after all, is iconic, and for good reason. It's dark, it's tense, and although it's funny, it's also sort of psychologically horrifying. It's almost as if the movie is two separate short films; the first act is so self-contained and well-made, and what follows has nearly no connection whatsoever to it. I could be missing something here, but I'll give myself credit and assume otherwise. If you want a good Vietnam War movie that shows you why war is hell, watch the first half of this one and then just check out The Deer Hunter.

One last note! Like everything else Stanley Kubrick has ever done, this was visually stunning. Haunting, arresting, beautiful - pick your own word. The guy just flat out knew how to frame a shot and pan a camera. Damn.

February 22, 2013

Archer: Season 3


I was ready to just write up a quick piece on what specific things make Archer such a consistently enjoyable show to me in addition to its humor, but after going back and reading my posts on the first two seasons I think I'd just be repeating myself by pointing out its crisp animation and lifestyle porn qualities. So let me be lazy and sloppy and give a few stray thoughts on more things the show does so well.

  • Since the show is animated, episodes can be set virtually anywhere. Live action shows have to spend substantial amounts of money to take us to new places every week; Archer, by contrast, has set episodes in fully detailed environments like the Bayou, the Swiss Alps, Monaco, impoverished Soviet Russia, the Turkmen desert, pirate islands in the South Pacific, the snowy woods of Vermont, a cruise ship, a blimp, a train, a space station... it's an impressive list, to say the least, and the environmental diversity lends itself very well to the variety of jokes, stereotype-based or otherwise, that the show serves up.
  • The show is essentially a dysfunctional workplace comedy, of which there are and always have been plenty on TV. Still, it has to be the most diversely dysfunctional place I've seen. You've got a horrible boss running the show, a gay agent who faked paralysis for the benefits, a billionaire secretary who happens to be a masochistic choke fetishist, a crude and sloppy bisexual HR rep who moonlights as a drag racer, a creepy mad scientist married to his own computer code, a sad sack sex addict who can't shoot a gun for shit, an arch-rival who has slowly turned into a full on cyborg during the show's run, and at the center of it all, two supremely gifted secret agents with a  complicated sexual history and plenty of contempt for each other. Complete madness, I tell you, and so many possibilities for plots and jokes.
  • Lastly, Archer also has the best transitional dialogue I've ever seen. Almost every time the scene shifts to different characters in another area, the first line spoken in the new scene will double as a line that could have been spoken in response to the last line spoken in the last scene. Just another little quirk that doesn't necessarily make the show any funnier, but shows how clever it can be.
So yeah. Watch Archer if you aren't already doing so. Good stuff. Real good stuff.

New Super Mario Bros. U


Why did I buy it: Danielle got me the Wii U for my birthday/Christmas and I knew this was going to be one of the best launch games.

Thoughts: Though I have probably only fired this game up 8 times since November, each time has resulted in me wasting about 3-6 hours. Thankfully, most of those times were with two or more friends. In my opinion, the best thing that the New Super Mario Bros. series has introduced is co-op. Being able to go through the Mushroom Kingdom with friends is a blast. However, in some instances, it makes levels and bosses way too easy. The trade off is the fact that you die way more because your friends jump on your head and send you plummeting into oblivion. The worst part of that is when I end up yelling at Danielle. She didn't do it on purpose and it was probably my fault, but in the heat of the moment, someone had to take the blame. And as any red-blooded American would do, I blamed someone else. Anyway, this is easily the best New Super Mario Bros. game. From the graphics, to the overworld, to the inclusion of baby Yoshis, to the squirrel power-up, this would have been the best in the series even without the single best part of the whole experience, the second screen. The second screen adds two things to the mix. For one, a fifth player can take part in the action. Though he cannot control a player, he has the ability to draw platforms wherever he sees fit. This worked perfectly for someone like Danielle who did not like the pressure of being one of the four main people, but did like to feel all-powerful. Seriously, she could save anyone from dying if she saw fit. She could also cause death to anyone if they were pissing her off. Also, if you are playing on your own, you can experience the whole game on the second screen, without the need for a television. It works great for late nights when Danielle wants to go to bed, or you know, when I need to take a shit in the middle of a level but cannot be bothered to stop playing. Anyway, if you have a Wii U, there is no reason not to have this game. Also, if you don't have friends (I'm looking at you Webber), make them. Because this game is better with more people.

Should I have bought it: Yeah, especially because it was part of a sale. $60 is still too much for a video game.

February 20, 2013

Game of Thrones Season 2



Season 1 and Season 2 down and I am loving this show! Can we redo ranks for nothing becuase this gem has moved up on my list. I liked season 2...a lot. It helped that I was more familiar with the characters. It took a bit to know who each of them were and understand their backgrounds. I think the show did a good job at easing us in in Season 1. But Season 2 was action packed. From battles to new love interests to betrayals to new identities, there was a lot crammed in. I still can't predict what will happen in upcoming episodes. That question of "what happens next?" pushed me to watch a new episode every night. I will be a little disappointed to watch season 3 in "real time", but  I hope it will be well worth the wait. At least now we can have conversations about it as we all will be on the same page.

Big Love: Season 2


That's two seasons of Big Love down. Unless I'm being loose and liberal with the word, I can't honestly say that I "love" this show. Through twenty-four episodes it hasn't been exciting enough to grab hold of me, nor has it been thematically deep enough to merit any kind of deeper attachment than simply watching it; I'm moving through the episodes more out of habit than out of a true fascination with what happens next, and I'm not spending any time looking for Internet discussions about them. None of this is to say, however, that I dislike the show. It may not be thrilling or multi-layered, but isn't boring and it isn't meaningless, either. Thus far it's been an entertaining enough look at a fictional family of polygamists and their anecdotes, struggles, and conflicts.

I'm happy to say that the second season was probably better, overall, than the first one. To contrast the two, the first season was a lot simpler and more introductory. It was also much more timid. I'll give credit to the creators of Big Love for treating their protagonists as multi-dimensional human beings in spite of their lifestyle, avoiding easy jokes ridiculing the practice, but the second season began to explore some of the deeper issues that would come with being a "plural family," and it was better off for doing so. The oldest daughter, for instance, vigorously opposes the lifestyle and joins a Mormon support group for children of polygamy. When the oldest son begins to date twins, his mother - the first wife, a polygamist herself - disapproves, suggesting that she isn't proud enough of her decisions in life not to wish for her son to choose a different path. Plenty else goes on. The family feuds with the more extreme core of their extended, well, cult, to call it what it is. They harbor a 15-year-old girl who has run away after being engaged to marry the cult's 80-year-old leader. As individuals, the adults all consider doing various things frowned upon by one another: being a surrogate mother, buying stock in video gambling machines, courting a potential fourth wife, letting the family's somewhat-kept secret out to various neighbors and friends.

It doesn't rank among HBO's legendarily great 21st century dramas, but it's easy to watch and it leaves an impression, sure enough. Here's looking forward to three more seasons.

February 19, 2013

Devil May Cry

Here's part one of the Devil May Cry trilogy, which is only a 'trilogy' in that its first three games were on the PlayStation 2. A fourth came out for the current generation years ago, and recently the series was completely rebooted and simply called DMC with a younger, more emo version of the protagonist Dante. Yikes! Well, I can look into all that more in-depth later. For now, I have played the first Devil May Cry, a game that was originally conceived of as Resident Evil 4 before Capcom realized it was moving in a completely different direction from that series and decided to make it a new franchise. The biggest holdovers from the Resident Evil series is that for the most part Dante is exploring a giant castle, solving some light puzzles and killing nightmarish bosses. That's pretty much it though- Dante is much easier to control than any RE character, and the whole thing plays out more like a less refined God of War. The exploration of the castle plays out as 23 different levels of ~15 or 20 minutes each, where you usually have a simple task like 'unlock this door' or 'go back there and kill that boss'. Along the way Dante engages in a beat-em-up style of combat that is graded on how stylish you are- basically long uninterupted combos will give you a little icon in the corner with that combo's rank (Dull, Cool, Bravo, Awesome, or Stylish!), and these combos as well as the length of time it takes to complete a level give you a style bonus at each level's end (also in D, C, B, A, S form). This bonus can then be spent on upgrades, but I think it works best simply to show off how stylish you are- most of the replay value here comes from trying to get an S rank on every stage. The game looks pretty good, having been upgraded to HD for this re-release, and overall I did have some fun with it. Unfortunately while Devil May Cry was something to behold at the time, I don't think it holds up all that well overall- aside from the 'style points' aspect, I've played games like this that were bigger and better. Kudos to Devil May Cry for trying these things first, but hopefully the next two games in the series have a little more substance.

February 18, 2013

Game of Thrones: Season Two

Oh god, more t.v. I blame this on the blizzard last weekend that kept me stuck inside for basically three straight days. Because of this Katie and I zipped through the second season of Game of Thrones very quickly. As the season started off, I was worried that the series was starting to lose me- there were simply too many characters with too many of their own motives for me to make sense of it all. Eventually though after a conversation with Stan it all mostly fell into place and my love for the series remains strong. I have a feeling that I will enjoy watching season 3 more than 2, though, even if the quality isn't as good, because I'd like to take some time between episodes to make sure I understand what all the characters are up to. Does that make Game of Thrones one of the rare series that's better on tv than DVD? Perhaps! I'll find out starting next month.

February 16, 2013

Candace Kane's Candy Factory


For one Christmas that must have been five years ago or more, I bought Marissa this game and a new iPod. The iPod was the gift, you see, and this shovelware Wii title was something I picked up on a whim for ten bucks in the check-out line. I figured I'd give her two wrapped presents, this one first, just really setting the bar so, so low for that second gift, and then it's an iPod, and we'd have some laughs and whatever. Well, the joke was on me, because earlier tonight I decided I was sick of this game sitting unbeaten and largely unplayed among our game collection. Marissa has told me for five years now that she did play this game, once, and that it was simply the same thing over and over again. I didn't believe her, and figured she was just (understandably) bored by a shitty game.

She wasn't lying or exaggerating. This game consists solely of switching pieces of candy around on an assembly line, creating combinations to appease an endless line of customers, racking up scores. Score high enough, and you can buy new factory equipment. Get more factory equipment, and you can score higher. But that's it. That's all there is to this browser-based Flash game disguised as a standalone Wii title. What a shitty gift! What an unbearably boring game!

Anyway, Marissa played this once. I've now played this once. We've collectively upgraded every piece of factory equipment. I think this is all either of us needed to see from Candy Factory. So here's a post. Good night!

February 14, 2013

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes

It's been two years since I first got my Kindle, and in my excitement that Christmas morning to try the whole thing out I downloaded a few free books of interest since I hadn't set up a paid account or anything. The first of these was The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle- I figured I couldn't go wrong with a nice mystery written by one of the most famous mystery authors of all. What I didn't realize until a few days ago however was that this was not one mystery, but twelve. Sherlock and Dr. Watson have twelve separate adventures in this collection of short stories, none of which really connect to eachother aside from passing spoiler-free mentions of older cases. And for the most part, I was very happy with the book. I was surprised at how it didn't feel dated a bit, but more of a product of its time that has only gotten better with age- in addition to being a detective novel, it's also now a great period piece! The stories are tense and smartly written, and have left me wanting to try out one of Doyle's full-length novels about Sherlock Holmes. The good news is I can add that to my backlog whenever I want- it's free, free free!

Super Meat Boy


It is said that practice makes perfect. In Super Meat Boy, you really have no other option. Levels in this retro-inspired quirky platform game are brutally unforgiving to missteps and hesitations, and although each of them can be completed in thirty seconds or so, some took me over an hour to master. Yes, this innocent looking Xbox Live Arcade title is one of the most challenging games I've played, and possibly the toughest one from this side of 2000. It owes its demand for patience and discipline to a bygone era of video games when space was limited on cartridges and game chips and games had to be made difficult in order to last a long time. It's no secret that video games have gradually gotten drastically easier and more guided over the past decade or two; some of the newest Wii titles have a mode where you can literally let the game beat levels for you as you just sit back and watch. Super Meat Boy is not that type of game at all. What as most remarkable about my experience with it was my overall lack of rage and frustration. I'm a moderately busy guy with a plethora of unbeaten games to get through, and I often find myself with little time for try-agains and do-overs. Yet something about Super Meat Boy kept me coming back for more (and more and more). In downright masochistic fashion, with sweaty palms and nervous breathing patterns, I only got angry with myself when the game threw me seemingly impossible curves. And in those few instances where I was able to overcome a level's many obstacles through experience - probably around 5% of the time I'd say, having averaged about twenty deaths per level easily - I have to admit, I felt such a reassuring sense of accomplishment. While most games today get me pissy and irritated with simple issues like shoddy controls or small graphics glitches, I was absolutely on board for this entire hellish nightmare of trial and error, and a big part of my urge to continue in spite of so many failures was simply how rewarding it was to finally beat these various levels. The game was just fun enough to keep me from growing frustrated, and I can assure you that that's a whole lot of fun. All the same, I'm so very relieved to have this one all set and out of the backlog.

February 13, 2013

Boardwalk Empire: Season One

Yeah, I'm spreading myself thin with all of the series I've started in the past month. Next up is Boardwalk Empire, a currently airing drama that will start into its fourth season this fall. The two things I was most looking forward to here were lead actor Steve Buscemi's performance, and a big-budget recreation of the prohibition-era Atlantic City boardwalk. Both of these turned up in spades- Buscemi's Nucky Thompson feels like one of his most interesting characters, and the whole series feels like it accurately captures the 1920's. Still though, not much on the show has blown me away yet- there were a few episodes that felt like they didn't move the plot forward much at all, and while I appreciate the big budget and fantastic cast, I feel like the whole thing could use a little more action and intrigue. This is a show full of gangsters, why aren't there more shoot-outs? Still though, we've got a solid enough first season for me to stay on board for now. Season two of Boardwalk Empire shouldn't be too far behind.

February 11, 2013

The Sopranos: Season One

The Sopranos was another landmark HBO series I've wanted to get into, and unlike The Wire, I found it easy to jump right into the series and enjoy it right from the start. The first season mostly felt like an introduction to the mafia world of New Jersey as we meet Tony Soprano and his two 'families'. On the one side you have Tony's mafia family- his friends and acquaintances who make all sorts of illegal moves and deals while avoiding the watchful eye of the law, and on the other is Tony's real family, who he often tries and fails to keep safe and ignorant of his mafia life. As the season starts up Tony is plagued by unexpected episodes where he'll simply lose control of his body and fall over, which makes sense as controlling the mafia is a full-time job that seems pretty stressful. Because of this, tough-guy Tony swallows his pride and starts seeing a therapist. What could have easily been a cheap gimmick, allowing Tony to directly tell the viewers how he feels about things ("...that makes me angry!"), is worked into the story organically and never feels like too dramatic a shift in tone from the rest of the series. News of Tony seeing a therapist quickly spreads to everyone he knows- his wife is ecstatic about his newfound ability to be open with his feelings, while his friends and allies are understandably upset that the behind-the-scenes boss is telling some random woman all about the inner workings of the business. The series isn't quite as serial as many other dramas that came later- you could miss a few episodes and still have a pretty good handle on the whole story of season one, but I'm confident that The Sopranos will go from 'pretty good' to 'great' television very soon.

Game of Thrones - Season 1


I'm sorry. Another Game of Thrones review. I know, I know, you get it. It's a good show, so I'll make this brief. Season 1 was good. The first couple episodes were a little slow but only because there are so many characters that it takes a bit to get introduced to them. Once we are introduced, though, the story hits the ground running. I've heard a lot of people describe this show as "epic". It really is the best word for it. Epic. I never know what to expect with each episode, no idea what subjects they will  breach or what new storylines they will introduce. It's a great show.

It's also funny because I find that my hatred for characters exceeds any love for them. Never have I ever hated a show's characters much while simultaneously liking the show. Part of the reason that keeps me going is the hope that someone kills Geoffrey. Each episode I hope for his death. Oh wait, that's season 2. That review to come soon.

WWE 13


Why I bought it: It's the road to Wrestlemania.

Thoughts: Some of you may have noticed that my presence here on the blog has diminished significantly since our record-setting month of January. This game is a the reason why. I have invested hours and hours into it. However, 80% of that has probably been invested in creating wrestlers, downloading their entrance music and finding compatible files to use as their entrance movies. That is right, this year we can use youtube videos and the like for create-a-wrestler entrance movies. It's not that simple and you need to download a few programs to be able to read the Xbox 360 usb sticks on your computer, but man is it worth it. The possibilities this feature opens up are endless. Not only can I create myself as a wrestler, but I can film my own entrance movie! How incredible is that? With THQ going under, that might have to get me through a few years. And I think it can!

Anyway, on to the gameplay. This is the same engine they used in WWE 12 (the game that was advertised as revolutionary compared to SvR 2011 when it ended up being pretty similar). However, those bugs the bogged down WWE 12? Most of 'em are gone in WWE 13. Moreover, the Attitude Era mode has replaced their traditional story mode. And my God, is it amazing. You follow DX, Stone Cold, Rock, Mankind and the Brothers of Destruction in 5 separate, yet interwoven timelines. You relive the moments that defined the Attitude Era and are given bonuses for recreating them accurately. From throwing Mankind through the top of the Cell at King of the Ring 1998 (the King of the Ring 1998 arean is in the game!) to knocking out the ref at Wrestlemania 14 in Boston and having Mike Tyson count the 3 count (Mike Tyson is in the game!), this game stays very true to its source material. The roster of this game is also incredible. I will post it now. Try not to get too excited.


•           Alberto Del Rio
•           Big Show
•           Brock Lesnar
•           Chris Jericho
•           CM Punk
•           David Otunga
•           Dolph Ziggler
•           Epico
•           Jack Swagger
•           John Cena
•           John Laurinaitis
•           Kane
•           Kofi Kingston
•           The Miz
•           Primo
•           Santino Marella
•           The Rock
•           R-Truth
•           Tensai (DLC)
•           Triple H
•           Zack Ryder
•           Alberto Del Rio
•           Antonio Cesaro (DLC)
•           Booker T
•           Brodus Clay
•           Christian
•           Cody Rhodes
•           Damien Sandow (DLC)
•           Daniel Bryan
•           Drew McIntyre (DLC)
•           The Great Khali
•           Heath Slater
•           Hunico
•           Jey Uso (DLC)
•           Jimmy Uso (DLC)
•           Jinder Mahal
•           Justin Gabriel
•           Mark Henry
•           Randy Orton
•           Rey Mysterio
•           Ryback (DLC)
•           Sheamus
•           Sin Cara
•           Ted Dibiase
•           The Undertaker
•           Wade Barrett
•           Yoshi Tatsu (DLC)
Attitude Era
•           Animal
•           Big Bossman
•           Big Show (Attitude Era)
•           Billy Gunn
•           Bradshaw
•           Bret Hart
•           Brian Pillman (DLC)
•           British Bulldog
•           Cactus Jack
•           Chainsaw Charlie (DLC)
•           Chris Jericho (Attitude Era)
•           Christian (Attitude Era)
•           DDP (Fan Axxess Exclusive DLC)
•           Dude Love
•           Eddie Guerrero
•           Edge (Attitude Era)
•           Faarooq
•           Gangrel (DLC)
•           Godfather
•           Goldust (Fan Axxess Exclusive DLC)
•           Grand Master Sexay (DLC)
•           Hawk
•           Hunter Hearst Helmsley
•           Kane (Attitude Era)
•           Ken Shamrock
•           Mankind
•           Mark Henry (Attitude Era)
•           Mike Tyson - Pre-order exclusive
•           Mr. McMahon
•           Rikishi (DLC)
•           Road Dogg Jesse James
•           The Rock (Attitude Era)
•           Scotty 2 Hotty (DLC)
•           Shane McMahon
•           Shawn Michaels
•           Stone Cold
•           Triple H (Attitude Era)
•           The Undertaker (Attitude Era)
•           Vader
•           Val Venis (DLC)
•           X-Pac
Legends
•           Edge
•           JBL
•           John Cena (Doctor of Thuganomics attire)
•           Kevin Nash
Divas
•           AJ Lee (DLC)
•           Alicia Fox
•           Beth Phoenix
•           Brie Bella
•           Eve
•           Kelly Kelly
•           Kharma
•           Layla (DLC)
•           Lita
•           Natalya (DLC)
•           Nikki Bella
•           Lita
Attitude Era Divas
•           Lita (Attitude Era)
•           Stephanie McMahon
•           Trish Stratus
NPCs
•           Paul Bearer (Manager)
•           Ricardo Rodriguez (Announcer/Manager)
•           Jim Ross (Attitude Era Mode Commentary)
•           Jerry Lawler (Attitude Era Mode Commentary/In-Game Commentary)
•           Michael Cole (In-Game Commentary)
•           Justin Roberts (Announcer)
•           Tony Chimmel (Announcer)


Anyway, to the best of my knowledge, this game boasts the largest roster of any wrestling game ever. However, thanks to TNA's existence, it lacks some of the necessary components to truly have everyone we want. But like I said before, with custom music and entrance videos and the ability to download create a wrestlers by people who are much more talented than I was, I have some very accurate and satisfying versions of the Hardy Boyz, Dudley Boyz and pretty much anyone else you don't see on the above list.

If I were living in Massachusetts and we were all playing this game like we have played previous versions (creating ourselves, but now with custom music and entrances!), this would have the chance to become my favorite wrestling game of all time (and close to the top of favorite game of all time). Yes, the gameplay isn't perfect and the reversal system isn't as good as it was 10 years ago, but the amount of content and customizability makes this game a must for any wrestling fan. Thankfully, you all have me as a friend and will be forced to play it at some point. I am going to go play this now.

Should I have bought it: Oh hell yeah