January 28, 2015

Jewel Master


Have we hit rock bottom? Take a gander.


This is a game where you equip rings and they shoot fire and ice and shit at the baddies. I realize this isn't all that different from casting lightning spells in God of War or conjuring up wind gusts in any JRPG, but like, holy shit, the only thing you're even doing in Jewel Master is pointing your rings at enemies. Look at how cumbersome the movement is. Look at how repetitive the levels and enemies are. Why is this guy as jacked as he is? He's fighting with jewelery and nothing more. None of this makes a lick of sense.

Sweet music, though. And there's enough graphical prowess here to allow trees to look like trees and the ground to look like the ground. So no, we didn't quite hit rock bottom here. But it was close!

Ecco: The Tides of Time
Ecco the Dolphin
Arrow Flash
Golden Axe
Alien Storm
Virtua Fighter 2
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Streets of Rage 3
Gain Ground
Streets of Rage 2
Golden Axe II
Kid Chameleon
DecapAttack
Comix Zone
Vectorman 2
Vectorman
Streets of Rage
Chakan: The Forever Man
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
The Ooze
Jewel Master
Columns III
Columns
Crack Down
Golden Axe III
Altered Beast
Bonanza Brothers

The Martian


In an alternate present-day reality where NASA has all sorts of funding and competence, the third manned mission to Mars is cut short by a bad sandstorm. Mark Watney, one of the six astronauts is impaled by a flying antenna while the crew scrambles toward the ascent vehicle for an emergency evacuation. His spacesuit breached, he is left for dead.

Except, Mark's not dead. He fell in such a way where the tear in his suit folded underneath his body, and after a few minutes he regains consciousness and jury-rigs his suit back into a decent enough condition for him to walk back to the pressurized habitat the crew was meant to live in for the next month. So he's safe for the moment, but his outlook is still pretty bleak. He has no way of communicating with the outside world. He has a few months' worth of food. His only hope of escaping from Mars consists of making it some 3200 kilometers away to the proposed landing site for the next NASA mission, which won't even land for another three years - a mission he knows may end up getting canceled in the wake of his "death" anyway.

So what this ends up being is a sci-fi twist on the survivor genre. It's Cast Away in space, where in addition to being plagued by loneliness and potential starvation, our hero is always just a catastrophic system failure away from death. Mark is able to MacGyver his way out of so many different hopeless situations, what with his dual background as a botanist and engineer, but he still faces pretty insurmountable odds. Fortunately, an attentive mid-level NASA employee makes a few keen observations on some Martian satellite pictures, and before long the whole world is watching Mark's every move and NASA's sole priority is getting this man back home alive.

The book was pretty entertaining. Nothing special, and a little bit predictable and formulaic, but still enjoyable and imaginative. The real treat here, potentially, is the upcoming film adaptation. Ridley Scott is directing it, Matt Damon stars, and the cast is just loaded. Jeff Daniels, Sean Bean, Jessica Chastain, Kate Mara, Donald Glover, Kristen Wiig - all playing astronauts and NASA nerds and what have you. It comes out in November of this year, so you know the studio believes in it. It's going to be a great movie. Like, Apollo 13 with better special effects and no requirement to stay true to historical events. Get pumped!

Justified: Season 2


Well, that took two years. In my post on Season 1 back in January of 2013, I loosely described and praised Justified and admitted that I had only seen parts of that first season during its original run in 2010. As such, I was a tad unclear on the characters and long-running arcs when Season 2 came around in 2011. Fans and critics adored the show at the time, and I always just figured I'd seen too little of the first season to fully understand the second. Because, as much as I liked it, I didn't fully follow it, I must admit.

As it turns out, I just wasn't paying enough attention. There's very little Season 1 knowledge required to enjoy Season 2, and I'd have known that if I'd just tried to enjoy Season 2 without assuming I was missing something. my bad! For those who don't remember, this was the season with Margo Martindale and the Bennett family. As great as that whole arc was, the highlight for me in these thirteen episodes was a smaller arc in which Raylan's ex-wife takes some money from an evidence room and needs his help fixing everything.

This also appeared to be the season in which Boyd gets his crew up and running. Devil, Johnny, Arlo, Dewey - all of them were in the first season, but it's not until late in Season 2 where they all seem to join up with one another as Boyd's inner sanctum. I could be wrong.

Anyway, great season of a great show. And those are all the words I can muster on this one.

January 21, 2015

Gone Girl


Wow. That was just so much better than I had anticipated. You hear "best seller," you hear "major motion picture," you hear "missing wife mystery," you see - and this one kills me to admit - that it's written by a woman, and already you're dismissing this as "chick lit," as some kind of glorified beach rag. A sexy whodunnit enjoyed by the same people who liked Fifty Shades of Grey. And look, my book standards aren't ridiculously high, as any blog reader can attest, but either I was dead wrong about what type of book Gone Girl was, or I myself am the same type of person I just lightly mocked in my last sentence, because, yeah, man, I really, really liked this book. It's spoiler-free bullet time!
  • One easy metric for judging how much you're enjoying a book is, of course, how often you're reading it and how quickly you can get through it. I started this yesterday morning, tacked on a bit more throughout the day, put a solid dent into things last night, squeezed some more in this morning before work, and tackled the remainder on my couch tonight. It was 157,000 words long - half a Song of Ice and Fire installment - and I finished it in two days. I've adored the Song of Ice and Fire series, but never finished any of those books in four days' time. I called Lolita the best book I read in 2014, and it took me four or five days to get through its 112,000 words. Now, granted, A Song of Ice and Fire has twenty-odd concurrent plot lines and like a thousand named characters in it (for real though) and Lolita is a very challenging read loaded with double entendres and witty quips worth reading twice. Gone Girl has two major characters and a small slew of supporting ones and it's an all-around easy read. Still, the numbers are what they are, and an eighty-thousand word per day pace on my part is a sure sign of a very addicting book.
  • As you know if you've so much as seen a trailer for the film adaptation, Gone Girl is about a woman (Amy) who disappears one day and the ensuing police investigation, largely focusing on her husband (Nick). The state of their marriage prior to her disappearance hasn't been great. The way the book is framed, chapters alternate between Nick's present day point of view and Amy's diary entries from the past. It works incredibly well, and it's easy to empathize with each character and understand their frustrations with one another.
  • The book is really only a mystery for its first half. The truth about what's happened to Amy is revealed right in the middle of the story, but rather than wrapping things up with a neat little bow, it only adds new layers of intrigue for how Nick's story will end up. To say more would be to spoil something big, even though it's the type of twist you could probably sort of guess. I did have a hunch about it, I'll admit, but only among three or four other "hey, what if..." theories that turned out to be way off base.
  • Character sympathies shift and wane throughout the book. At times I loved Amy and at times I despised her. I was always a little ambivalent toward Nick, who only kind of oscillated between victim and asshole. This is absolutely the reaction Gillian Flynn wanted when she wrote her novel the way she did. And it is absolutely essential to the themes at play here, for me to feel so strongly about one character and so much less so about another.
  • The twist in the middle is huge, and will always be what the book is remembered for, years from now, but it's the twist at the very end, so powerful that it divided readers into "loved it" and "hated it" camps, where Gone Girl was its most powerful and frightening. (Yeah, stick me in the "loved it" camp. I was screaming, "No! No! No!" in my head during that final chapter as much as anyone, I'm sure - but I'm incredibly satisfied about it.)
  • Just want to throw this out there, but I saw a lot of myself in Nick, for better or worse, yet none of my wife in Amy, at either her best or her worst. This could entirely be an issue of improper self-assessment. Marissa, you've read the book - care to weigh in?
  • This wasn't the deepest book I've read, and it won't go down as an all time character study or be taught in classes or anything like that, but what it lacked in depth it made up for in breadth. Among the many themes and subjects found in Gone Girl are:
    • Unreliable narrators
    • The importance of public perception in the new age of trial by media
    • Gender stereotypes
    • What it means to be a good spouse
    • Taking control and shaping your own life into a customizable story
    • The perceived gap between city people and simple country folk
    • Entitlement and privilege
    • Trust and communication within a marriage
    • Manipulation and seduction
    • Long cons
    • Misogyny and feminism
    • Revenge
And once we've reached dual-tier bulleted lists, I think it's time to call it a day. For real though, you should all read this book. I can't wait to see the movie.

January 19, 2015

Family Guy: Season 12


It finally happened! After twelve "volumes" of Family Guy episodes released on DVD - volumes that contained anything from thirteen to twenty-odd episodes, and volumes that spanned different seasons with no real regard for organization - the powers that be said, "Hey, fuck it. Let's just call this one Season 12." This release - still called "Volume 13" in the DVD menus and elsewhere - begins with the twelfth season's premiere and ends with its finale. This can't be considered a big deal to anyone else out there at all, but for a guy who's been buying this show's DVD releases for, shit, something like thirteen years now, a very old pet peeve has finally been settled.

That's the best thing I can say about the twelfth season of Family Guy, a show where a majority of the jokes are baldly offensive or at least offensively lazy. Some would say that's always been the case with this show, and they'd be completely right. In fact, I've been right there with them all along. Let's take a quick trip through the annals of Back-Blogged and see what I said the last five times I posted about this show:
Volume 8 (6/21/10)Family Guy is just animated sketch comedy. There's nothing wrong with that, but it means that the show lives or dies by the strength of its jokes. And frankly, they're just not always funny. 
Volume 9 (7/30/12) - There were still plenty of cringe-inducing nonsensical gags and plenty of jokes that felt far more insensitive than funny, but the ratio of "times I hated that I was watching Family Guy" to "times I was interested in what Family Guy was doing" was at the lowest point it's been in years.
Volume 10 (10/2/12) - Don't get me wrong; this wasn't an awful stretch of Family Guy episodes or anything. It just reminded me that Family Guy isn't a very funny show.
Volume 11 (11/22/13) - Yeah, you heard me. Family Guy is better than it was when it was terrible. Take that one at face value.
Volume 12 (5/21/14) - So, to reiterate, in 2002 an episode was deemed unfit for TV broadcast because there were a few Jewish stereotypes in it, but in 2013 it was cool to depict American Muslims as womanizing terrorists? There's got to be a reason for this. Have broadcast standards fallen that drastically since 2002? Are the big wigs at Fox far more willing to denigrate Muslims than Jews?
This twelfth season (and thirteenth volume) provided me with a few laughs, a few cringes, and a whole lot of apathy. In that respect, it was more or less representative of the average season of Family Guy. I don't like that I still watch this show, but then, I also don't mind burning fifteen bucks a year on it, mostly out of some vague sense of tradition and habit. Did you guys know my first ever TV sets on DVD were the first two volumes of Family Guy? Yeah - fourteen-year-old me just ate that shit up with a spoon.

January 18, 2015

The Oregon Trail


I bought this used from Gamestop thinking it would just be the standard Oregon Trail game on 3DS. That sounded awesome at the time. Instead, they tried to modernize the formula. Instead of a straight simulation, they added in some unneeded stuff. Instead of making choices and watching the wagon travel across the country, you have to drive it the whole way. Sound boring? Well I'm sure it did to the developer as well so they decided to add in a bunch of rocks so you can't just go straight the whole time. Terrible. Every rock looks the same and nothing happens when you hit them aside from a broken wheel every hundredth time.

I liked the randomness of coming down with diseases in the previous games. Now only one person can get a disease at a time. If Macho Man has the measles, you can guarantee Miss Elizabeth will be the picture of health even on meager rations.

My favorite part of previous games was always hunting. The hunting in this game sucks. You have to use the touch pad. All the joystick does is turn left to right.

Blah blah blah this game fucking sucks.

Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope


I finally got Danielle to sit down to watch the first Star Wars movie. Admittedly, I had gotten her to sit down once before but she slept through about half of it. Though she begged me not to force her through the movie once again, I did it anyway. I quickly quizzed her and when she couldn't answer anything, her fate was sealed. Watching this movie was a weird experience for me because though I thought I had seen it countless times, I had a hard time remembering what exactly did and didn't take place in this movie (as opposed to the other two). When all was said and done, I realized that this movie isn't quite as good as I remember. It does a great job of laying the groundwork for the next two, but it just feels small. Maybe it's Lucas's directing, I don't know. Still, this is Star Wars and I'm sure I'll watch it again and again.

It's funny because you can apply a lot of the criticisms towards the prequels to this movie as well. Still, there's something really engaging about it all the same. With that being said, I don't think this movie would be remembered so well if it weren't for The Empire Strikes Back.

Damn, I shouldn't be so negative. The Star Wars Universe is too fun to be negative. Fuck it, I take it all back. It's the third best movie of all time.

January 17, 2015

Flower


Here's Flower, the spiritual successor to Flow and spiritual prequel of sorts to Journey. All three games are really more about enjoying the artistic experience than accomplishing any sort of tangible goal, and Flower is easily the thinnest of the set. You're a flower petal - or maybe you're the wind, blowing the flower petal around - and you whizz around the skies and the meadows into unopened flowers, that then also bloom and send their petals off to join you. There's the barest skeleton of a plot here. In the fourth level, there's an electrical issue with some telephone poles out in a field, and by the sixth level, you're restoring power and life to a big city, I think. But, really, all things considered, this is a game where you blow petals around and look at pleasant scenery and hear pleasant sounds. It's nothing to write home about.

January 13, 2015

Stan's Movie Dump: Early January 2015

I ended 2014 with a big old post on all the movies I'd seen but not posted that year - movies I didn't "own" in any sense at the time I watched them. I think this new streaming kick is here to stay, and I've been on quite a roll so far in 2015. Rather than wait until the end of the year to reflect on all these movies - hell, this year there will probably only be a handful of legitimate "I own it on DVD" movie posts - I plan on dropping in periodically with a bunch of scattered thoughts on whatever it is I've been watching. Netflix, Amazon Prime, HBO, On Demand, in theaters, borrowed from friends - you name it. At any rate, here comes the first batch.


The One I Love
A lot of what made this one fun was its immediate but unexpected genre shift. When the film starts out, you've got Elisabeth Moss and Mark Duplass in marriage counseling with Ted Danson. It has all the signs of being another low-budget mumblecore movie about a dissatisfied couple. I never seek these types of movies out, and only gave this one a shot because I heard that it quickly got weird "in a good way." That much is absolutely true; within twenty minutes or so, The One I Love takes a sharp turn into the surreal. It doesn't seem fair or accurate to say that the movie ends up squarely in the science fiction department, but the big twist that takes this movie into left field isn't something that could feasibly happen in this world at this time. I really don't want to spoil this at all, even though it happens fairly early on in the movie (and even though the poster above contains some subtle clues) - but, if I can be vague, the best part about the big twist is that the film doesn't just hint at what's going on and let audiences fill in the blanks. Rather, the weird occurence gets noticed directly by the characters themselves, and they spend the rest of the movie - the meat of the story, really - exploring the ramifications of their unique circumstance. Absolutely worth checking out; it's on Netflix, and only 90 minutes long to boot.


Venus in Fur
Brace yourselves for this description. Roman Polanski's 2013 film is an adaptation of a 2010 play by the same name, in which a (fictional) playwright is auditioning an actress for his upcoming stage adaptation of Leopold von Sacher-Masoch's nineteenth century Austrian novel Venus in Furs, an erotic novel full of sadism and submission. I read that book a few years ago and posted about it on the blog. I liked it. It had far more humanity and romance than kinky fetishism and it ended on a bittersweet note. Anyway, this movie - in French, subtitled in English - takes place on a single set and features just two actors: the playwright and the actress. It's less an exploration of masochism or even the original Venus in Furs story than it is a ninety-minute single scene in which the power dynamic between the two characters teeters back and forth. We start out with the actress more or less begging on her knees for an audition from the disinterested playwright, and by the end of the movie she wields all the power, with the playwright at the point where he'll do anything for her to stay and continue reading lines. It's a simple premise, and there's not much else to this movie, but the actors and the writing really sell the natural evolution of the pair's dynamic. Seduction, manipulation, and contempt are weapons employed by both players here, but in the end, true to the original novel's exploration of a femme fatale and her power to enslave a lovestruck suitor, it's the actress who comes out on top. This definitely isn't for everyone - hell, Roman Polanski alone may be a deal breaker for many - but it held my interest for ninety minutes. A few aspects of the ending felt completely over-the-top and absurd, but then again, why should a small-scale story about a sexually-charged power struggle aim for anything lower?


Coherence
This one starts out as an indie flick set at a dinner party among slightly bitchy thirtysomethings, and for a little while it looks like there'll be little more to it than watching strong personalities undercut one another. But then a comet passing overhead causes something supernatural to occur, and the rest of the movie is spent piecing together what exactly is happening, whether or not it's a big deal, and how best to handle it. Strong personalities do in fact undercut one another as expected, but with some weird and actual stakes on the line, their arguments actually matter. Like The One I Love, it's the debut film from a new director; unlike The One I Love, its cast is full of no-names and unknowns. There's another huge similarity between the movies, but to reveal it would be to spoil the central premise of The One I Love that I tried so hard to keep under wraps a few paragraphs ago. (If you really want a clue, then here too, check the poster.) I haven't gotten around to watching this a second time yet, but it's absolutely one of those movies where seemingly arbitrary or odd things from the first half of the movie make perfect sense once you've seen it all the way through. This one's available on Amazon Prime, and I strongly and openly recommend it to anyone who isn't put off by a little bit of sci-fi or a low budget. Slightly more so than The One I Love, it makes you think and asks you to reconsider some initial assumptions. But both movies are very straightforward and neither one will leave you confused or unable to follow the plot. Seeing both movies within a week helps tie them more closely together from my perspective, but really, these are two of a kind, and if you like one you'll like the other. Check them out.


Under the Skin
An awful lot of hype preceded Under the Skin, as I'd seen it on tons of year-end "year's best" lists. I'd read a few reviews that called director Jonathan Glazer the next Stanley Kubrick. I'd heard that Scarlett Johansson turned in a phenomenal performance that would be worthy of an Oscar if only the Oscars weren't afraid to look at films as far out there as this one. This is all very high praise, and as so often is the case when anything gets talked up enough, I ended up just a little bit underwhelmed by what I saw. For those who don't know, the movie is about an alien who comes to Earth, takes a human female form, and proceeds to lure men to their demises by promising them some sexy times back at her place. (It's more abstract than overt, but presumably the men are consumed as food or energy in some way. It doesn't really matter.) About halfway through the movie, the alien begins to take pity on her victims and stops doing her job - only to ultimately bear witness to some of the worst aspects of human nature. Because the movie is heavy on visuals and light on dialogue, it initially feels rife with symbolism and hidden meaning. But there's really not a ton to unpack here thematically beyond the predator-prey dynamics of casual sex and the human capability to empathize. perhaps you could tack self-awareness on there as well. To me, the movie felt like far less than the sum of its parts - but that's less an indictment on the movie, and more a compliment to so many different individual aspects of the film. Yes, the film's tone is Kubrickian. And yes, Scarlett Johansson is amazing. And two completely separate scenes are memorably horrifying, each in their own way. And the score - particularly during the alien's ritual of seduction and ensnarement - is as haunting as anything I've ever heard, stuck in my head like nothing from any movie since the much happier Frozen. Every aspect of the film works brilliantly; I'm just not sure the film itself is a new favorite of my own. It's absolutely worth seeing, though. I did so on Amazon Prime.


Taken 3
After beginning the year with four movies meant to stimulate the intellect, I enjoyed the change of pace associated with a low-stakes PG-13 Liam Neeson action flick. And man, this delivered - and really, really sucked. I liked the first Taken movie so much more than I expected. The second was clearly inferior, but still fun enough for me, particularly in its absurd moments - like when a kidnapped Liam Neeson tries to pinpoint his location using triangulation methods based on the sound waves from grenade blasts around the city to reach him. Taken 3 seemed to know that Taken 2 was only as successful as its over the top moments, because the only thing Taken 3 even tried to be was absurd. Liam Neeson matter-of-factly saying things like, "I have low blood sugar. I haven't eaten since yesterday morning," is funny, but when an entire movie is just a series of these kinds of quips among intermittent action sequences - terribly underwhelming action sequences, too - what positives can you take away from it? I saw this in theaters with a couple of friends, and collectively we had no reaction to most lines and sequences, and then burst out laughing at instances of bad editing, awkward musical choices, and giant plot holes. The movie wasn't frustratingly bad as much as groan-inducing. It just felt like, generally speaking, no one was trying to make an exciting or interesting movie, from the writers to the director and from the actors to the editors. Oh yeah, I haven't even described the plot here yet. Liam Neeson's ex-wife gets murdered, and naturally he's the chief suspect - not the woman's current husband who has a $12 million life insurance policy on her or anything - and instead of just accepting the arrest he knocks out a few cops and goes on the run to figure out who killed his wife - even though the police figure it out without his assistance in literally a day's time. It's very much just The Fugitive, but shittier, and Liam Neeson is at least ten years older here than "old guy" Harrison Ford was in that movie. Oh, and what does Neeson get for resisting arrest and interfering with a police investigation? He puts several lives in danger, including chiefly his own daughter's, and he racks up several felonies along the way. Like, he definitely causes the deaths of multiple innocents and scores of Russian mobster henchmen - completely unnecessarily, again, since the police figured everything out themselves - and at the end of the movie not one person cares. It's insane. But yeah, those are more words than Taken 3 needed. Current Rotten Tomatoes rating: 11%.


Spring Breakers
Some critics called this one of the best movies of 2013. Some put it on their "worst-of" lists instead. James Franco, for whatever it's worth, called it the most important film in years. Take that with a grain of salt for two reasons - he's in the movie, and also, he's James Franco. The jury's still out for me; on one hand, I think I can see what the film was trying to do, and I liked it. On the other hand, so much of Spring Breakers just felt like a never-ending MTV promo: women in bikinis or nothing at all, dancing and gyrating, in varying video speeds, on the beach in the sun and in brightly lit up nightclubs, with drugs and booze everywhere, to cranked up club music, and, oh yeah, with tons of gun-based violence as various felonies are glorified. So it's easy to see why this was so readily dismissed as garbage by so many people. But then, if this was a satire on "spring break" culture - and those who regard it highly say that it was - then, hey, major props, since it absolutely nailed the atmosphere it meant to lampoon. Here's a question, though. When a satire meant to detract from something can be interpreted as a straight-faced celebration of that same thing, did it really work as satire? Like, we've all seen bad attempts at "satire," where a guy says something ridiculously offensive, and his point is to mock the kind of bigots who would say something so offensive, but instead he just comes across as a bigot who said something very offensive. If Spring Breakers was spoofing the "anything goes" aspect of college party culture (it was) and lots of audiences missed the boat on the joke (they did), then who's at fault - the film or its audience? Frankly, I'm on the fence here. Spring Breakers was either a brilliant movie or a tonally off failure. It wasn't anything in between. It didn't "sort of work and sort of not," so to speak. Schrödinger's cat is either alive or dead, and this movie either succeeded or failed. I just can't decide which one it was. Why don't you check it out for yourself and lend me your take? Whether you end up loving or hating it, you will be treated to some amazing scenes - most of them involving excellent work by James Franco.


Heathers
Hey, another violent satire that takes aim at certain aspects of teen culture. And, here too, I'm not sure how well it worked. Satire is, to be fair, easily dated. It's generally not very timeless. Once a social trend or attitude reaches a point where it's being openly derided in pop culture, it tends to subside soon afterward. Gulliver's Travels is a classic satire that still works today because in addition to being a great story, it takes aim at plenty of broad and generalized characteristics of human nature and various forms of government. But that book is also - apparently - just loaded with specific details meant to ridicule certain people, certain political parties, and certain fashions in vogue during the early eighteenth century, and none of these aspects translate across the centuries whatsoever. When a character in the book is described as wearing a puffy hat and a blindfold, for instance, a reader today will just attribute it to the imagination of Jonathan Swift, instead of saying, "wow, what a savage depiction of so-and-so!" I bring all of this up because even though Heathers clearly plays with extreme stereotypes and flattens most of its characters into broad caricatures, it's already losing some of whatever sharpness I'm sure it once had. For instance, in Heathers, all the popular girls are named Heather and they're obscenely rich and they have immaculately permed hair and they wear high-end blazers and skirts with tights and such. And all the jocks are extremely dumb chuckleheads who wear varsity jackets and call all the nerds fags. Obviously that's not how any high school actually was back in 1989, and depicting such extremes was intentional on the part of Heathers, but watching the movie in 2015, the rich girls didn't strike me as particularly fashionable and the jocks didn't strike me as particularly mean-spirited. I just thought, "oh, right, the '80s. People wore absurd clothes and dropped casual homophobic slurs all the time." Extreme caricatures from 1989 just felt like weird '80s tropes 25 years later. I say all this because, honestly, Heathers only kind of worked for me. It's an insanely quotable movie, but while some lines felt brilliant and sharp, others felt unintentionally cheesy and melodramatic. Could this just be due to changing teenage speech patterns, or were the lines just as bad back then? I don't know, just like I don't know how solidly Jonathan Swift put his political adversaries on blast in the 1720s. Anyway, it's also worth pointing out that Heathers was really, really dark, sometimes in ways that just wouldn't fly today. One scene just depicts a low-stakes rape happening in the background. A guy is pinning a girl down in a field at night while two characters in the foreground are talking, and she's visibly struggling and trying to push him off, and it never comes to the foreground in any way. Again, without benefiting from a 1989 mindset, I have no real way to know whether this was supposed to be funny in a "kids these days" sense or funny in a shock value sense. Also, Christian Slater wore a sinister-looking trenchcoat and tried to blow up the high school, which was just way too Columbine-ish for comfort. Did Heathers take a lot of flak back in 1999 for "life imitating art" or was it all just video games and Marilyn Manson? I can't remember. Oh, and as for the darkest part of the movie that still worked really well for me in 2015 - after Winona Ryder and Christian Slater murder one of the Heathers and two of the jocks, they stage the deaths to look like suicides - and then suicide becomes a new nationwide teen fad that "all the cool kids" are doing. Well done!


Blue Ruin
This was great. A low stakes 2014 indie movie starring no one you'd recognize, and a very simple premise: revenge. The plot's pretty bare here, and it's all the better for it. There's this homeless drifter who's been understandably fucked up ever since the day his parents were murdered. The guy who killed them gets out of prison, and the homeless drifter resolves to kill him. This sets of a series of events where more and more innocent people come into various crossfires. If there's a moral here, it's just that revenge is really stupid; that point has been made over and over again in stories throughout history, and it's not a reason to watch Blue Ruin. Instead, you should watch Blue Ruin just because it's a really well-made movie. If you liked No Country for Old Men, but thought that it dragged at times, or that it had an unsatisfying ending, give this one a shot. It's just a really impressive and well-made movie. Stream that shit on Netflix for an easy and entertaining hour and a half.


Good Morning, Vietnam
When the tributes to Robin Williams came pouring out last summer, it seemed like most of the specific praise was given to a select handful of the man's several dozen performances. His portrayal of Adrian Cronauer in Good Morning, Vietnam was one such stand-out, and seemingly the only one from a movie I hadn't already seen. So when I saw it on Netflix, I gave it a try. It was good! Or at least it wasn't bad. Robin Williams was good. The rest of the movie was just fine. I will say, this did feel like a quintessential Robin Williams role; he improvised a ton of his rapid fire radio bits and he got to play an irreverent armed forces radio DJ of high moral character. It isn't clear to me how much of this story was made up and how much was true to reality, but Cronauer was a real person who really did host a radio program for the armed forces in Vietnam. Watch this one if you need a good dose of Robin Williams at some point.

And with that, I'm out. I promise to get back to making some real posts soon, but I hope these little movie reviews can hold everyone over until then.

January 12, 2015

Mulholland Drive

I've tried to watch this film several times over the past few years. I would always put it on, reach the 30 minute marker, and, in fear of losing my fucking wits over this self-pretentious garbage, I would leap to my feet and rip the TV's power cord out of the wall. OK, slight exaggeration. But this movie does bore the crap out of me (which, in my world, is the one thing a film should never be... boring). Well, thanks to a team effort between a few friends, I was finally able to hunker myself down and power through... 


Mulholland Drive. 

I'm glad I've finally finished this movie, but I'm... I'm just not a David Lynch person. I liked The Elephant Man. That shit was great. But everything else I've seen of his; Eraserhead, Inland Empire, Twin Peaks (still have only seen a few episodes), Dune... I just can't get into it. 

Now, let me make this clear. This is not a bad movie. There's a lot said here, and -- to the right person -- said very well. Power messages about desire and the fear of failing to capture that desire are explored. Successfully so. But just in a weird, cryptic way that doesn't really reach me. Although, after I finished the film, much like a good movie should do, I kept pouring over it again and again in my head. When it first ended I thought it was complete nonsense. Just a pretentious mish-mash of Lynch-ian cookiness. And while it is very much that, there is also a gripping tale of greed, murder, and self-loathing. 

However, I'm really reaching out to through this post to see if others can help me pin down more of what to unpack from this film. I do have questions. Many. But first, a quick synopsis just to see that I've got the barebones of the narrative down. The film doesn't exactly spell itself out for you. 

We open to some Hollywood actress who gets caught in this (seemingly) premeditated car accident that she survives yet leaves her with amnesia. Stumbling down from the Hollywood hills all beaten up, a friendly wannabe-actress (visiting her aunt in town or something) takes her in and offers to help her figure out the mystery behind her amnesia. Then a lot of bullshit happens involving Justin Theroux, who plays some snooty film director I never care about. In this side-story, he's seemingly battling against the studio system. A studio system that seems to be run by some evil, corporate, men-in-shadows bullshit involving this guy:


Who Twin Peaks fans might know him best from this:

Arrrgh!!! David Lynch, your craziness makes me so angry!

So, there's that side-story of Justin Theroux getting bullied around as he attempts to make his new film, of which he's being forced to make it with some girl. I don't know. Some dude gets murdered for a secret black book. And two dudes explore the back alley behind a dinner only to discover some hideous bum who gives one of them a heart attack. Ugh... Nonsense.

But let me get back to our two ladies trying to solve a this amnesia-mystery. All their investigation finally leads them to a mysterious night club called: Silencio. After the performance, Naomi Watts finds a blue box in her purse and opens in with this blue key she's been carrying around. And then everything goes to shit...

It's a little difficult to explain how the last scene unfolds, but basically I think we realize that this whole film has been a delusion put forth by Naomi Watts' real character -- a burnt out, wannabe actress who's jealous of her more talented and successful friend (the girl who's originally suffering from amnesia). Pissed off by her friend's success, she orders a hit on her her with confirmation that the murder is complete being a blue key. Upon seeing the blue key, Watts launches out of her dream-like state and can't take the reality of her failures ultimately forcing her to shoot herself in the head. 

That's a horrible condensation of the plot, but I believe most of its meats-and-potatoes are there. 

So, my questions... I'll just tackle a few points because I don't want to be here all day. 

First, who were the two dude eating lunch in the diner? Why are they important to the story? And what was with the weird dude out back?

My first assumption is that this is just alluding to certain themes that will be addressed in the film. People ultimately only experience tragedy as they face their worst fears? I don't have a fucking clue and am not going to waste anymore time trying to figure it out. Moving on!

Next, the cowboy. Huh? Who is this dude? He gives the warning to Justin Theroux that if you see him twice, things are going to be really bad. And we see him twice. The second time being so random; just walks through a house party that he doesn't look like he's invited to. And, sure enough, things ultimately go bad. For Naomi Watts. But, wasn't it suppose to go bad for Theroux? I mean, Watts never met the cowboy. Yet, this is all taking place in her head, so I guess she's actually both the cowboy and Theroux. Ugh!!! Fuck this!!!

The old couple on the plane. These are the weirdos that bookend this shit-sandwich of a movie. We see them at the beginning wish Watts' made-up persona good luck in LA, then they come to terrorize the real Watts when she returns to reality. So, I'm guessing they're suppose to stand for her delusional state and guilt. Right? I don't know. They did kind of creep me out at the very end, though. 

And, last, what's with the club, Silencio. Everything is not as it seems. What's the message here? Since this whole movie's existence is predicated on thematic symbolism, my only guess is... I... I fucking don't know. Judging from how Watts is always running away from her fears of failure and how that diner guys get spooked from their fears in the back alley, I'm going to say it might relate something to that. But, honestly, if I have to exert one more of my already very limited supply of brain cells I'll be at risk for a stroke. And I'm still recovering from the last one I had while watching this student film reject. So, with that, I'll bid adieu.

Oh, any good praise? Naomi Watts acted the shit out of this and deserved that Oscar nomination way more than Lynch did. There done. 

January 9, 2015

Edge of Tomorrow



I have a confession: I love Tom Cruise. I could care less that he jumped on Oprah’s couch. He seems like a genuinely nice, albeit weird, guy. I have another confession: I’m sick of movies about the end of the world. Time after time I go to the movies and 90% of the trailers are about the apocalypse or post-apocalyptic societies. I say that with all seriousness. With that in mind, I wasn’t convinced I would ever see this movie. I feared that it would be the same movie I’ve seen time and time again. In a lot of ways, this is the movie I’ve seen countless times before. But it does its one trick so well that it made the movie seem completely fresh. You see, Tom Cruise starts the same day over every time he dies. It’s Groundhog’s Day but with guns and aliens. For the first time in a long time you see Tom Cruise die on screen… over and over again. And despite being technically immortal, he shows more vulnerability than he has in some time. He’s less cocky and he’s less of a bad ass. In fact, he’s a coward.
The movie smartly weaves in his deaths, but doesn’t overuse them. It never seemed redundant as each of his lives added a bit to the story. The ending was a little weak, but it was such a fun ride. As far as movies from this genre go (I have a low bar), this is one of the very best I’ve seen in a long, long time. I highly recommend it.

January 8, 2015

Back to the Future: The Game

Fellow Bloggers, I have a confession to make. I've never really seen any of the Back to the Future movies. I know, right? What kind of shut-in has never experienced this trilogy of cornerstones of pop culture? Honestly, I've made attempts. I've looked them up on my DVR for potential upcoming airings to record more than once, and come up short. And I do know the general gist of the series- Marty is the cool dude who inexplicably hangs out with a crazy old man with a DeLorean time machine. In the first movie they go back in time (I think to keep Marty's mom from ending up with Biff Tannen?), the second one takes them to the future (I have no idea what happens in this except for the generic "we have to save your kids!" + hoverboards and the Cubs), and the third is the Wild West and most people didn't like it. I really should get around to seeing them.

This was a roundabout way to explain that my most recent beaten game is Back to the Future: The Game. It was made by Telltale a few years ago, who seem to be gaining steam with more and more successful adventure games adapted from pre-existing material, including the current Game of Thrones game. That, and The Walking Dead game are both heavily focused on story, rather than any real 'game' to speak of (Keith, back me up), whereas games like the three seasons of Sam and Max and Hector: Badge of Carnage were really puzzle-heavy with less of a real storyline. Back to the Future seems to be that awkward transition from the old style to the new; while it easily has the most interesting story of any Telltale game I've played so far, full of duplicated characters and like six separate timelines by the start of the second episode, the puzzles and gameplay seemed to suffer and feel a bit tacked on. They're also really easy, with each object's use being immediately apparent when you receive it, adding together to feel more like a series of fetch quests in the 1930's version of Hill Valley than a true 'adventure'. Still though there were some improvements here- of particular note is the voice acting, which managed to get Christopher Lloyd and a young Michael J. Fox sound-alike; Fox even shows up for a cameo towards the end of the game. There were some references here that I'm sure true fans of the series would appreciated, but overall the game didn't leave much of a strong impression either way. But hey, next up from Telltale on my backlog is The Walking Dead, which is supposed to be amazing, so that will come soon.

January 2, 2015

Recapping Keith's 2014


I’ve actually had a decent year on the blog mostly due to some restraint when it comes to purchasing. If I don’t count Danielle’s movies I’ve only acquired two this year (including Christmas!). If I count Danielle’s, that total goes up to six. I’ve acquired zero books and zero television series. My biggest sin here is that I’ve acquired sixteen games! With the eighteen movies, eighteen games, three books and zero TV that I’ve finished I’m either neutral or positive in every category. I’m +12 on movies, +3 on books, +2 on games and 0 on TV. Anyway, I’m happy with those numbers, but let’s see if I reached my goals:

2014 Goals
I'd like to finish five movies for every one I purchase. I only purchased two movies this year for myself and watched eighteen. This is a 9:1 ratio which makes me feel pretty good. However, two of the movies I watched were movies Danielle received for Christmas. This ratio shrinks to a still respectable 8:1. I’m calling this a met goal. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I'd like to finish three video games for every one I purchase. Buying sixteen games this year made this goal pretty unattainable. Still, +2 isn’t a complete loss. MISSION FAILED.

I'd like to finish three TV seasons for every one I purchase. I bought nothing and watched nothing. I’ll take it, but it’s nowhere near my goal. MISSION FAILED.

I'd like to finish one book for every book I purchase. I finished three books and managed to acquire zero! I should have read more, but with an infinite ratio of books read to books acquired I can’t argue with the results. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

I plan on finishing all of my movies. Well I have 42 left. Better luck next year. I just didn’t focus on movies very much. My clear focus this year has been video games. MISSION FAILED.

I plan on finishing all of my PS3 games. I finished all but one. I am in the process of beating my final PS3 game ever. It won’t be long now as it’s a game I actually want to play. With Uncharted 4 coming this year I need to get a move on. MISSION FAILED.

I plan on finishing all of my books. I finished 3 of 5. MISSION FAILED.

2015 Goals
Video Games – I’d like to be +10. Additionally, I want to focus on completing previous generations. I’m sick of having games on my list that I got 15 years ago. With that in mind, I’m going to beat the following ten games:
Crackdown on Xbox 360
Dead Rising 2 on Xbox 360
Fifa 13 on Xbox 360
Perfect Dark on Xbox Live Arcade
Uncharted 3: Drake's Deception on PS3
Heroes of Ruin on 3DS
Oregon Trail on 3DS
Midway Arcade Treasures 3 on GCN
Wave Race: Blue Storm on GCN
Donkey Kong 64 on N64

Movies – I’d like to be +15. I want to watch all six Star Wars movies with Danielle and I want to purchase five movies or fewer for the year.
Television – I’d like to be +5. I don’t want to acquire any additional other than maybe South Park. I hope to watch X-Files Season 1 with Danielle.
Books – I’d like to be +3. With two remaining, that means I have to actually buy a book. No promises. Anyway, I hope to have all completed by the end of the year. Cross Rhodes should be easy, but starting Game of Thrones is so daunting.
 
Awards
Best Movie Jurassic Park because this is my favorite movie of all time.
Best Game The Last of Us on PS3 because this is probably the best game I’ve ever experienced and easily one of my top five favorites of all time.
Best Book Blankets because I had such low expectations and it was pretty enjoyable.
Biggest Surprise Lord of the Rings: Return of the King on PS2 because I purchased this back in 2003 and put it off for so long. I remember the gameplay being very one dimensional but I discovered that was mostly because I was really bad video games back then.
Biggest Letdown Assassin’s Creed III on Wii U because I was so pumped for this when it was first announced. How do you make a game set in 1776 so boring? On top of that, the gameplay felt completely broken. FUCK this game.
Biggest Waste of Money Killzone: Shadowfall on PS4 mostly because it’s the only game on the list I paid full sticker price for. This was a serviceable shooter, but it was nothing special.
Best Bargain Super Smash Bros on 3DS because I purchased it from Best Buy for $32 and they gave me $33 in credit for it a week later.

Orphan Black: Season 2


Last April I made a post on the first season of Orphan Black in which I called the series "a solid B-level high concept sci-fi show... elevated substantially by its main characters and the actress who portrays them." That's as good a summary as any I could give for Season 2. Tatiana Maslany is still incredible and her various characters are all still interesting and unique. At times it felt like Season 2 tried to get a bit too cute. For instance, a scene with an impromptu dance party involving four clones was thrown into the season finale. That's pure, unfiltered fanservice, and nothing more. For another example, a transgender male clone appeared for one episode, and it just didn't fit with the show's tone at all. Maslany did what she could, but a deeper voice and some facial hair weren't enough to make me buy in. The show generally avoids one-off clone appearances, but I really hope that one - Tony - doesn't find his way back into the fray. Anyway, Season 3 returns in March or April, and as long as we still get BBC America I'm sure I'll watch it. If not, I can probably wait for the Blu-ray.

January 1, 2015

Recapping 2014

Time to check in on the big picture once again. The goal of Back-Blogged, for me, is to document the process of reducing and ultimately completing my backlog of books, games, movies, and TV shows. It's a four-front effort - well, a three-front effort on paper, since I count movies and TV shows in the same category for logging purposes - and a great year in one category can make for a shitty year elsewhere. So, how did I do in 2014? Let's see:


Progress

I'm only eleven items closer to my endgame than I was when the year began, but the silver lining (and perhaps saddest part) is that 2014 still made for my second-best calendar year yet. (Negative signs are a bad thing; they indicate negative progress.)

Breaking things down categorically, let's start with video games. This was my most productive year yet at beating video games, but unfortunately it was even more so my worst year yet at acquiring them. This is especially ironic, given one of my 2014 goals - but we'll get to those later. The biggest caveat to consider here is that 33 of those 70 games added came in the form of a Sega Genesis loaded with emulations that I got for Christmas, on New Year's Eve; you could technically punt those 33 additions to 2013, but I chose not to count them there a year ago because, come on, that would have just ruined my year. Anyway, 26 of the games beaten were also Sega games. Remove the Genesis gift entirely, and I'd be at 38 games beaten and 37 added, which is very much in line with previous years.

Movies and TV seasons were where I really made hay this year. I watched fewer than ever before, but I acquired an even smaller relative amount. Three huge things happened here. First, I more or less stopped buying movies. I think the number is something like three purchases in the last eight months of the year. That's good! Secondly and on a related note, for a few years I've been letting my TV season purchases dwindle. I still have a stubborn "complete the series" mentality, which will lead me to make future dumb purchases like True Blood: Season 7 and Sons of Anarchy: Season 6, but I've stopped blindly purchasing new shows and thus starting these cycles all over again. And both of these related things are likely due to the third thing, which is that I finally started really using Netflix and Amazon Prime last year. In the final months of the year I probably watched something like fifteen movies between those two services, which offset my need to go out and buy movies and TV shows. Success!

Books have been a rough spot for me for a few years running now. After netting 29 steps toward backlog completion in 2010 and 2011, I've stumbled backward 14 spots ever since then. The way around this is simple - read more books I already have, and buy fewer that I don't already have - but these are such correlated issues. When I'm not into reading, I'm not buying new books. And when I'm devouring books, I'm buying more from similar authors. A vicious cycle!

2014 Goals

I made four distinct Back-Blogged goals for 2014. Let's revisit each one and see how I did.

"Beat more than 50 games." Check. Sixty-four is a good deal more than fifty.

"Purchase no more than fifteen games." I added 70 games this year, more than four times as many as I should have. So this was a huge and epic fail! Or was it? I mean, it was - I definitely purchased more than fifteen games - but this goal was intended to be a money-saver as much as anything. What I should have done here was limit myself to a budget and say something like "spend no more than $750 on video games this year." That'd have been 15 fifty-dollar games, after all. Now, I don't have the receipts for every game I bought in front of me, but I think this may actually be pretty close. I'll explore this in more detail in a comment later on.

"Finish the year with fewer than 20 unwatched movies/TV seasons." Yep, this one checks out too. There are six movies and seven TV seasons in my backlog right now. There's a decent chance 2015 is the year this entire subsection of the backlog gets vanquished. No promises!

"Read 25 books." Nailed this one exactly. Actually, I "hurried up" in November when I was still eight books away from this goal, and read a lot of shorter books. I also stopped cold in mid-December once I'd finished my 25th book. I really wanted this one, apparently.

2015 Goals

I'm going to cop out of this one entirely and just give a few vague things I'd like to focus on. No numbers or benchmarks. I want to finish off a few book series. I want to read multiple science books. I want to kill off all the Sega Genesis games and I'd also like to heavily focus on the PS2 and the Xbox 360. Those are really the big ones. And, of course, I want to log far more items than I add.

How about the rest of you? I think there may only be three of us actively participating at this point.