June 30, 2010

Many Waters

And just like that, somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, I have completed the last of the items I listed among my June "goals." I have also completed Madeline L'Engle's Time Quartet. Never mind that she recently made it into a Time Quintet with a fifth book; I do not own that fifth book and probably never will. Every book in this strange children's science fiction series has started out better than it has ended. I suppose as the peculiarities and oddities pile on throughout each book, I'm only more and more disconnected from the characters enduring the bizarre occurrences. That said, this may have been my favorite book in the series. (It may have also been my least favorite; I haven't really thought about it too much, but seriously, who cares?) What I liked most was the change of protagonist. The first three books focused on a brilliant, innocent, noble little angel of a girl and her equally pure and nerdy little brother. I just wasn't buying them as realistic people. This book, however, focuses on their twin brothers, two totally "normal" kids who like playing sports and not studying for school. The plot was more or less a spin on the story of Noah and his ark, but infused with aliens and other extra-dimensional beings. The twin brothers somehow teleport themselves into the biblical story of Noah (seriously), and spend almost every one of the book's 300 pages in the middle of a searing desert. Noah is building his ark and the boys help him out despite being sunburnt beyond belief (with some pretty graphic descriptions, actually, that I did not need to read about on the brink of spending a week under the Hawaiian sun myself). An interesting twist came when Noah turned out to be kind of a dick. Even though the twins appeared out of nowhere and helped him build his ark, he still wasn't going to let the boys (or their new love interest - yes, singular) join him and his family on the ark when the "many waters" (titular!) commenced falling down from the heavens. But then, somehow, the twins ended up safe back at home and fine. I dunno, I wasn't really paying complete attention by the time the ending rolled around. But whatever. The book still made for a quick and enjoyable skim that helped pass the time on a three-part 13-hour pane ride (not including layovers). And furthermore, I'm now just one kids' book closer to being done with my backlog. Win-win!

God Knows

Holy shit! Marissa and Keith came out of retirement with monster postings today, and I'll be damned if I can't join in on this fracas. It may be July back at home, but here in Hawaii it is still June 30th, dammit. Joseph Heller's fourth book, God Knows, is narrated by the biblical figure King David. Even if you aren't a scholar of the Old Testament, you might know that David was the one who slew Goliath. David was the one for whom the Jewish symbol - the star of David - is named. David was the warrior king who overtook the Philistines and united the Kingdom of Israel. Amongst many other things. In typical Heller fashion, the book is loaded with cynicism, flat characters, and logical absurdities. But while Catch-22, Something Happened, and Good as Gold lampooned the military, the corporate rat race, and the American government respectively, God Knows aims for a much easier - and loftier - target: the absurdities of the Old Testament. This book is not for everyone. In fact, I'm not even sure it was for me. There were far too many references to Jewish people and places I'd never even heard of; my Old Testament knowledge is more or less limited to the creation, the Garden of Eden, Cain and Abel, Noah and his ark, Moses and the Exodus, forty years in search of the Promised Land, Joseph and his coat of many colors, that dude that got swallowed by the whale, Solomon's proposal to cut a baby in two, the Queen of Sheba shaving someone's beard, and David and Goliath. That may sound like a lot - and frankly, I'm sure I'd rank among the top 20% of all Americans when it comes to Old Testament knowledge - but consider how long the Bible is compared to how few anecdotes I just mentioned. Also consider that God Knows devotes 350 pages to David and his episodes alone, and you can see why I was lost without a paddle at times while reading. Still, the majority of the humor and message were conveyed regardless of the knowledge I had going into this book. Heller's depiction of the old Jews of the Bible was one of common everyday people. David was cocky and arrogant. Moses had a stammering problem and was a terrible buffoon; no wonder it took him forty years to find the Promised Land in an area the size of Vermont. Solomon was not "wise" but simply "foolish" - according to Heller's David, Solomon honestly thought cutting a baby in two would appease both of his supposed mothers; his proposal to do so was a serious one. Even God is depicted in a rather human and imperfect manner. David often describes having a bit of a beef - a rivalry, even - with the Lord. David also somehow has enough foresight to make reference to events that would not happen for a number of years, referring to Michelangelo's statue of David as the work of some "Florentine fag" who depicted David as a Greek instead of an Israeli. As is always the case, Heller was at his best in the form of absurd dialogue. Right after David's wife Bathsheba invents underwear (I have no idea to what extent, if any, this occurrence is rooted in biblical accuracy), she claims they'll be a huge success, and immediately demands that David give her a hundred sewing machines in order to ease her manufacturing burden. "But those don't exist yet," says David. "So invent one," retorts Bathsheba. "If I can invent bloomers, you can certainly invent a sewing machine." I'm definitely rambling now, summarizing and highlighting God Knows to a larger degree than any of you readers, I'm sure, would care to know about it. So I'll wrap this up by saying that even though I connected far less with this book than with Catch-22 or Something Happened, I still enjoyed it for the most part. Again, not a must-read, but a treat all the same. Three Heller books remain, and if I'm to continue reading them in their publication order then first I'll need to buy Picture This. Consider it done.

Fat Princess

My friend Brian has nagged me plenty about getting a PS3, so when I finally did I figured I'd go ahead and download a multiplayer game so we could play together online. Fat Princess, a favorite of Brian's and one I had been slightly interested in, was that game. I got the game and immediately played some online multi-player. I put together a 3 game win streak, followed immediately by a 3 game losing streak, all of which I blame solely on my teammates, a bunch of strangers from the internet. Fat Princess is basically a 32-player highly advanced game of capture the flag, the flag being your imprisoned princess. It has a cartoonish fantasy setting and loads of humor to boot- one of the main aspects of the game is searching for cake to stuff into the princess's mouth and thus make her more difficult for enemies to carry away. You can change classes on the fly, just by picking up one of the many hats in the game. Want some close combat? Be a warrior, with a sword and lots of health. Range combat? The appropriately-named ranger has a bow and arrow. Upgrade everything with the worker, heal with the priest, cast magic with the mage. A recent DLC pack has introduced even more classes into the fray. Seriously, there's so many classes to master. Brian and I have since gotten another friend to start playing, and with a recent free update that allows up to 4 players on a single console, I'm hopeful that we can get a team full of people we know at some point. But until that, I'll be sure to turn to this game whenever I have a few spare minutes to play.

Terminator Salvation


I went into this movie with the lowest of expectations due to its universal panning by friends and critics alike. Maybe it's because I respect Christian Bale for his outburst on the set of this movie or maybe it's because I've always been a Terminator fan (I watched The Sarah Connor Chronicles), but I didn't think it was half bad. Yes, some of the plot is questionable, and yes, nothing really happened to advance the plot besides the fact that John and Kyle finally met, but there were enough explosions to keep me satisfied. Was Bryce Dallas Howard useless? Yes. Was Kyle Reese miscast? Absolutely. But was I ever bored? No. Plus, I appreciated the fact that I could understand what people were saying (yelling). I'm not afraid to give this a recommendation to anyone who enjoys a good action movie.

I think I should probably point out that I watched the Director's Cut which is supposed to be better. Also, this one had boobs. Did the Theatrical Cut have 'em?

Hot Fuzz


I know I won't win any fans by saying this, but I found this movie unbearable for most of the time. The first 90 minutes were so terrible I can't even being to explain how pissed off I was at one point. The movie started getting entertaining once Angel kicked an old lady in the face, but a good 20 minutes does not make up for a painful 90. Maybe I just couldn't understand what they were saying so I didn't get the jokes or maybe I'm just a mother fucking patriot and refuse to support anything British. Either way, I will never watch this again.

Band of Brothers


I know I haven't posted on this blog in a while. I assure you, this is the first movie, game or book that I have completed since my last post. This is probably the first blu-ray I have watched all the way through in four months. I blame everything and everyone but myself. Anyways, I went into this 10-part series with high expectations. Being an HBO series, I also went in expecting episodes that exceeded an hour in length. I was not disappointed on any front. However, I was surprised about how slowly some of the middle episodes were paced. Still, if you like war movies at all, you will love this series. Interestingly enough, I think David Schwimmer's character is my favorite. I have two other posts so I will stop here.

Mad Men Season 1


Sweeney also just watched this so I won't bore you with details. Only opinions! First off, fun show. Slow show, but fun. It's different from most of the shows out there, which I think is part of the reason why it's succesful. I enjoyed the first season. Two thoughts / opinions....

Man! Women either a. had the life or b. had it rough back then. I can't decide. They are so under appreciated and though of as stupid and made fun of and looked at as only objects, that seriously you must feel like a piece of sand compare to the "big mighty strong powerful smart" men. Sigh. Women are just there for the curves. On the other hand, it could be awesome to have no responsibilities besides children and putting dinner on the table. I bet you would get good at cooking. Seriously though, tell all these mad men to stop cheating on their wives! It's just rude!

On a second and slighlty conflicting note, I can't get over Peggy. Generally women in television shows are attractive. If they're not attractive they're normal. If they're ugly, usually they are meant to be that way and end up getting transformed (a la Ugly Betty). I can't take Peggy seriously if she doesn't get rid of those ugly bangs. C'mon, woman.

Good show. Watching the second now.

Addendum: I'd like to apologize for the unbloggness of my entries lately. I have been watching and reading things that either other people have already written about or I don't want to spoil for others so they have been vague and random. That's all!

The Dark Tower - Dark Tower 7

Oh em gee. What's gonna happen? How's it gonna end? Who's gonna die? Will Roland reach the dark tower? Will Oy becoming more than just a talking dog? Well lemme tell you, this book is where to go if you want to know that.

So I was really excited to read this book. I have thoroughly enjoyed the series and I really wanted to know how it ends. The beginning half of this book is awesome. It starts off right where Song of Susannah ends with a vampire battle and Eddie and Roland trying to get back to Susannah, Jake, and Father Callahan. After that, Roland and the gang have to save the beams to the tower won't fall. We meet an old friend from Wizard in the Glass. Here's where it all starts to go downhill and the sobbing in my bedroom alone began. Then MORE crying. Why was Stephen King trying to purposely rip my heart out. What makes it even worse, is that Stephen King is again in the book. Being a jerk and not listening to his wife. Jeez. If you listen to woman, things will just go smoother for you, as this book shows. I really don't want to give things away so I'm being purposely vague, but the story continues. We part ways with some characters in one way or another, and the distance to the dark tower is getting shorter and shorter. Not to mention, there is a half good half bad "baby" chasing the gang on their journey. More awful things happen. And then the ending. Oh the ending. If any of you ever read this and would like to discuss it with me, I would be happy to. But seriously, I don't know if I like the ending. I really didn't expect anything, but I feel like this ending didn't really resolve anything. I am happy about one part of the ending. Involving Oy.

Side track! I love Oy! I want to name my dog when I get it Oy. He is seriously the coolest talking dog wolf bumbler ever. Plus, he's like really smart and can read minds and follow commands and do awesome things. He's also very brave. And furry and warm. What an awesome dog.

That's how I would like to remember this series. Oy.

Oy! Ake!

Song of Susannah - Dark Tower 6


Ok ok, I still suck because I'm not even half done recounting what I have back-blogged.

This book is about ... wait for it .... Susannah! Susannah is my least favorite character so I was not looking forward to this book. She is just kind of annoying and schizopathic. She's in a wheel chair, but that has nothing to do with my dislike of her. SO this book was not as bad as I thought it would be because only half of it actually focused on Susannah. The gang (mainly Eddie who wants to save his love) try to go after Susannah but to Eddie's dismay, he and Roland are stuck in the "keystone" world with who else but STEPHEN KING! Yea, you heard it here (and also from Sweeney first apparently but I didn't read his entries on this book before I read them) Stephen King writes himself into his own books. Not only does he mention himself or the Red Sox in the passing, he becomes a pivotal character who has to indirectly help at saving the beam by, you guessed it, writing the Dark Tower Series. How awkward could it get? Like, you're not that cool Stephen King. I appreciate your work, but I don't think the beam was calling out to you to write this story. Honestly, that was the defining part of this book for me. Roland and Eddie in the keystone world somewhere around Lovell Maine are fun to read about and Susannah and Mia are busy with her chap. Guess what though? This is the second to last book. Onward!

Wolves of the Calla - The Dark Tower 5


Ok! I'm horrible! I know! Stop yelling at me! Jeez. And in addition to not posting these weeks ago when I finished, I'm also not going to load a picture yet because I'm at work. I'm trying here people.

So, last I left, I was on a plane flight to Italy with three more Dark Tower novels to go. I finished Wolves of the Calla while in Italy. First off, it was very long. I think it seemed like the longest of the three. However, I did enjoy it. This book has a few main plot lines. The main plot line is Roland and his buds are trying to save the town's twins of Calla Bryn Sturgis from wolves. Slightly more complicated than it sounds. All the while, Susannah is deal with her "chap" and her personality is becoming split again. She also eats alot of raw meat (like frogs and pigs) while sleepwalking. How gross is that? Also, we are learning about Father Callahan and his time / world traveling past along with his interactiongs with ... vampires ... GASP! Don't worry though Stephen King wrote this far before Stephenie Meyer wrote about the glittering sexual vampires. So they are just normal. Kind of. Let's see, they are also traveling to different worlds in this book to save a rose. (It's not just any rose. It's special) All very exciting stuff. Overall, not alot is going on in this book, despite it being the longest, but it was definitely a book I wanted to continue reading. My biggest pet peeve is there is a battle in this book which lasts all of 20 pages (similar to Helm's Deep in LOTR). Why not devoite more time on awesome fighting?

So, before you start yelling at me again, I will conclude this post and write my next one. Read this series!

June 29, 2010

Super Mario Advance 2: Super Mario World

Video game #2 on the day. I've had many conversations about video games with Stan, and the guy couldn't believe that I had never played Super Mario World. Must've been an integral piece of his childhood. Anyway, he drew my name in a recent Secret-Santa amongst a few of our friends, and sue to this he got me Super Mario World's port on the GBA. I attempted to play it once, but when my old DS failed, I had to wait to get a Game Boy Micro. Now that I have it, I was able to finish the job. So what's the verdict? Did it blow me away? Well, no. It's an old SNES game ported onto a last-gen system. But can I understand its importance? Hell yes. It seems like a fairly logical progression from Super Mario Bros 3 but is improved in all sorts of ways. First off, the introduction of Yoshi, the asexual dinosaur known for swallowing enemies whole. The thing is, I barely remember using Yoshi at all- Mario handled like a dream, but Yoshi seemed slow and unwieldy. I'm sure with a few more hours of gameplay I would have been a pro with him, but most of the time when he was unnecessary I went without. The levels here were great though- difficult at times, but always fair. Also of note is that there were a number of different paths to take- a facet of the Super Mario series since the first Bros. incarnation, sure, but never pulled off as well as this. Levels had a number of entrances and exits, and it seems safe to say that no one's first playthrough will consist of quite the same levels. That's what really made this game fun for me, I think- every now and then I'd stumble upon a hidden exit that rewarded me with a huge jump in progress. Needless to say, they were satisfying to find. The cartoony graphics and now-classic soundtrack hold up well after all these years, and it seems that the game hasn't suffered at all from its transition to handheld. I guess with this game you know what you're going to get- none of the games in the Mario series have let me down (haven't played Sunshine), and Super Mario World can certainly stand up with all the other greats.

God of War

Much like Keith a few months ago, I relished in the opportunity to finally play this game- having never had a PS2, I was unable to play God of War, but luckily a port with updated graphics was recently made in preparation for God of War III. God of War is an action-adventure game where you play as Kratos- the merciless "Ghost of Sparta," a man who has sold his soul for victory on the battlefield but eventually sees the error of his ways and decides to set things straight. I'll be honest, what really surprised me about this game was the story- it started off very vague and seemingly pointless, but by the end plenty of things started to come together to make perfect sense. It was also very brutal, maybe more than the actual gameplay itself. I credit this to the fact that the game came out five years ago and has inspired scores of imitators, but while the whole game played smoothly and fun, it wasn't much I haven't done before- curse you, Darksiders! A lot of times it came down to button-mashing which has a tendency to get old, but there's plenty of times when the more fun to use magic was necessary, which was definitely a plus. Poseidon's Rage, the first spell you learn, came to be my personal favorite- Kratos casts a large circle around him, doling out plenty of pain to any poor sap in the vicinity. Also, you better like QTEs, because God of War practically invented them. But I'm being too harsh. Just because God of War may have led to some uninspired copy-cats doesn't mean that it's not inspired itself. While it may not have been the thrill-a-minute roller coaster of a game I was expecting, it offered up some great gameplay and fun puzzles, which is really good enough to warrant a spin in the Playstation. I admit, I'm still very much looking forward to God of War II and III. But I've still got stuff to finish- TONIGHT!

June 27, 2010

Entourage: Season 6

My latest purchase was the sixth season of Entourage, a show whose seventh season premieres tonight. I "marathoned" this one (just five hours) over the course of the weekend. I'll be honest - it isn't the best show in the world. It's about an A-list celebrity and his crew and their adventures in Hollywood. It's a real "bro" show. It's been called Sex and the City for guys. And this season may have been the most pointless one yet. Vince (the A-list actor, surprisingly played by the worst actor on the show) kicked off the season with a new project in which he was slated to play Ferrari, the famous driver for whom the Italian car is named. But in the second episode, Vince receives news that the project has been bumped back twelve weeks. "What am I supposed to do for twelve weeks?" asks Vince. "Enjoy life," his agent responds. And that's more or less the entire season. Right-hand man E deals with relationship issues. Older brother Johnny deals with being a struggling actor in a middling sitcom. And comic relief man Turtle... also deals with relationship issues. I recall watching this season last summer and thinking, man, this is boring and terrible. But watching all twelve episodes in a row on DVD left me satisfied with the season. Perhaps because I knew what to expect, sure, but also perhaps because the series makes a better DVD session than it does a weekly TV catch. Don't expect much from Entourage, but don't write it off as low-brow and horrible. It's nothing more than an entertaining half hour of crude humor and sex, but it doesn't pretend to be anything it isn't. Plus, it's almost over - sixteen more episodes and a movie are all that stand in the way of this show wrapping up for good. I hope to enjoy the ride, and it starts tonight.

June 26, 2010

Super Mario Galaxy 2


It’s been a bit hard getting anything “blog-related” done this whole month while I’ve been stuck here in Guatemala, the butt-hole of Mexico, but I’ve tried to make due. Bringing my Wii down here with me was initially going to be used as a tool to access Netflix to save me from shitty Latin soap operas and endless soccer games (screw fĂºtbol, I’m an American). Well, turns out Netflix doesn’t work outside the US. And to make matters worse Hulu and Pandora crap out as well. Just to my luck, though, it turns out the only game I remembered to bring down with me was Super Mario Galaxy 2 - after accidentally leaving it in the console before packing it.

As of right now I only have 74 stars. Although it only takes 70 to make to the last castle to face the final stage of Bowser, it seems that I still have a ways to go complete the game - just like in any Mario game - but I have, however, reached the credits. In light of that, I consider the game “blog-worthy.” Now, let’s-a-go!

(Oh, I’m ashamed I did that too.)

I’m sure this will turn out as a big surprise that the game starts with Mario on his way to visit Peach and chow down on some cake (it’s a lie - ha!) when a Godzilla-like Bowser shows up out of nowhere to ruin the day. He steals Peach in an effort to get the cake all for himself and runs off across the universe. Mario, of course, is left to chase him and Bowser Jr. down while collecting a plethora of stars along the way. The premise and gameplay really hasn’t changed since the N64 days... and why should it? The formula works!

Aside from adding a few new twists, such as Yoshi, Luigi, and couple of new Mario Hats, the game really seems like a close carbon-copy to what its predecessor was. With mind-bending gameplay and brilliant, colorful atmospheres the game was just a pure delight. I must admit, though, it doesn’t put up too much of a challenge, but I like that. Who wants to get stuck going over the same level 50 times in a row before you realized you’ve wasted your afternoon accomplishing nothing? Yeah, a moderate difficulty level works just fine for me.

I won’t get too much more into game other than discussing the one thing that bugged me: The game resets your lives. For whatever reason, when you restart the game your lives are reset back to five. Go figure? The good news is that it’s extremely easy to accrue extra lives (there’s something like five hidden around the main map every time you return from a level).The first time I was playing this, though, I accumulated upwards of 60 lives then shut off the game. Next time I turned it on; no more lives. What a gip.

Whatever. The game was still extremely enjoyable. And seeing as how Sween has just beat the first one, I’ll make sure to bring it home with me when I come back to Westford.

Oh, yeah. I'll be back in town July 7th suckahs!

June 25, 2010

Civilization IV: Colonization

Civilization IV is probably my all-time favorite computer game. It's an "everything" simulation in which you take a society of prehistoric people and, well, civilize them. Manage cities. Build armies. Fight rivals. Exploit natural resources. Discover new technologies. The learning curve is enormous, but the game is a fucking blast. Anyway, Colonization is not an expansion pack to Civilization IV. Instead, it is a stand-alone game that uses the same engine. Sadly, the extensive time I'd put into the Civilization franchise did nothing to assist me in Colonization, where the point of the game is to colonize a New World, trade or fight with the natives, build up sentiment for independence, declare it, and then defeat your European parent colony. It sounds fun - and it was - but it was actually pretty difficult to do, mostly just because of the time constraint (and specific objectives) the game places on you. In Civilization, there are something like six different ways to win. Eliminate all rival civilizations, dominate the majority of the world's population and landmass, win a space race, etc. But Colonization says, very specifically, win a war of independence. Yeah, that's the textbook way to gain independence, but there are other ways! Think of Canada. Or Australia. Turning a colony into a successful country does not depend on your ability to defeat the Old World with bloodshed. I guess ultimately Colonization just felt like one very small aspect of Civilization was put under a gigantic magnifying glass. It is a complete game in and of itself, no question, but at the end of the day I'd still much rather be playing Civilization. But hey, I've finally beaten my last computer game - at least until Civilization V comes out this winter.

June 23, 2010

Metroid Prime 2: Echoes

This game was long and this game was hard. Back when it came out in 2004, I was in the midst (well, at the end, really) of the first Metroid Prime game. But foolishly, I rented Prime 2 from Blockbuster to give it a whirl. I got about a fifth or a fourth into it before returning the game. Then I got it for Christmas. Sadly, my interest had waned and I never played it - or the first Prime game - again until my senior year of college. You may remember that back in early September, I beat the first game. I immediately jumped back into Prime 2, and I guess I've technically been playing this game, off and on, ever since then. Much like its ancestor (but chronological descendant) Super Metroid, this game remained "in progress" for the entirety of my school year. And, well, I'm glad to finally be done with it. The game was almost identical, gameplay-wise, to Prime, but every slight tweak given to Echoes was, in my eyes, one for the worse. First and foremost, it really didn't feel much like a true Metroid game, story-wise; there were very few space pirates, no metroids, no Chozo statues, and no familiar foes like Kraid or Ridley. Though many of the boss fights were very cool and unique, the bosses themselves felt rather uninspired. "Boost guardian." "Spider guardian." "Bomb Guardian." Really, each boss was just a "dark" (we'll get to that shortly) being that possessed whatever ability Samus needed to unlock next. The setting of Echoes is a planet called Aether, split into two dimensions by a colossal meteor impact. The dimensions are "Light Aether" and "Dark Aether," or in other words, "Adventure Game Cliche #1." Yes, just like in A Link to the Past, portals could move you from the light world to the dark one where everything was almost exactly the same - only not quite. Beings from the dark world (the "Ing") were stealing energy from the light world (inhabited by the "Luminoths"). Naturally, your job is to restore the balance and - maybe I'm wrong here - reunite the dimension split. Oh, and there's a Dark Samus. Obviously. The game looked pretty cool and the level design was top-notch, as with any Metroid game, but somehow it all just felt much more limited in scope than the first Prime game. Your ammo, for instance, consists of a light beam and a dark beam and - get this - a combination of the two called the annihilator beam. Where's the ice beam? What about the wave beam and plasma beam? Such staples of Metroid, missing! Light and dark ammunition were also non-infinite, like only missiles and powerbombs were in previous installments from the franchise. Overall, because of the immense focus on "light" and "dark" themes, the game was very limited. Prime gave us caverns of lava, jungles, icy polar realms; Echoes just gives us two dimensions, and each has a wasteland, a swamp, and a fortress. The fortress looked pretty cool, but the whole atmosphere of Echoes couldn't hold a candle to Prime's. Granted, Metroid Prime is widely regarded as one of the greatest games of all time, so the fact that its sequel didn't live up to it was inevitable rather than disappointing, in my eyes. Others disagree. Sweeney, for example, calls Prime 2 his favorite Metroid Prime game of them all. Of course, he played it on the Wii, where, due to complaints about the difficulty of a number of bosses on the original GameCube version, a few such bosses were "dumbed down," so to speak. Whatever. I won't taunt him for it. If anything, I'm jealous. Oh well. All in all, a great game that simply could have been a slightly better game. Next up, I'm moving away from the GameCube and PlayStation 2 for just a little while as I tackle some current-generation games like LittleBigPlanet and Metroid Prime 3. Onward!

June 21, 2010

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 7

Jesus Christ. If Family Guy was tough to sit through, Aqua Teen Hunger Force was unbearable. Once again, I know full well what kind of show I'm getting when I watch ATHF, but this season - sorry, volume (once again... why?) - was absolutely and utterly stupid. Irrevocable absurdity isn't a bad thing. It's what made the first season of this show so enjoyable and memorable. But back then, at least the surreal silliness was done for the sake of comedy. The last few seasons, on the other hand, have been absolutely chaotic in their ridiculousness. While ATHF was never about concrete story-telling or by-the-book humor, episodes at least used to almost make sense. There were quotable characters, often voiced by well-known actors and comedians. There was definitive conflict. Now? Episodes are more wild and haphazard than ever, but the humor is totally absent. Some urban legend even says that the creators are intentionally trying to make the show terrible these days in hopes of getting cancelled. That doesn't even sound improbable. To be perfectly honest, there were times when I'd see the credits rolling on the screen after eleven minutes of an episode and be unable, already, to recite even a few "plot points" that had occurred. Sometimes I get tempted to watch this show on TV when new episodes air, but whenever I actually see said new episodes I'm thankful I've kept my distance. So why do I even keep trying? As with Family Guy, all I'm looking to do is maintain the completeness of my television anthologies. I'd be a richer (and smarter) man if I could just drop that habit, but at this point what do I have to lose? Aqua Teen can't last much longer. It just can't. Right?

Family Guy: Volume 8

Oh, Family Guy. Where to begin? I suppose at this point, I know exactly what I'm getting with this show - not as much a coherent sitcom as an animated sketch-comedy show - but it can still be a rather trying ordeal to sit through multiple episodes at once. Yet that's exactly what I did this morning, finishing off the second half of this "volume." Quick aside: why not just release DVD sets every season? I watched like three episodes of the most recent season of Family Guy and was looking forward to watching this three-disc set; it might not be a great show, but at least the mediocrity would be fresh and new. Alas, no! It was stale and previously seen. The reason being that instead of the episodes from Fall '09 through Spring '10, I was watching a set of episodes from Spring '09 to Fall '09. Gah! No big deal, I suppose; I'm buying all the DVD sets anyway for some reason (read as: completion-based collecting). Now, onto the substance, or lack thereof. Again, I know what I'm getting with Family Guy and I'm not too thick-headed to just accept that and watch the show on its own terms. The problem is, those terms are more or less dictating that episodes be judged chiefly by the ratio of good non-sequitur gags to bad ones. Let me reiterate: Family Guy is just animated sketch comedy. There's nothing wrong with that, but it means that the show lives or dies by the strength of its jokes. And frankly, they're just not always funny. Poop is over-referenced, even for an animated FOX show. The same goes for homosexuality and, well, sexuality in general. It just seems like there are more attempts to be shocking or perverse than there are to make good jokes. Oh, and references - toilet humor, shock humor, and references to pop culture tidbits from 30 years ago. I'm not trying to be an elitist here, but so much of Family Guy just isn't funny. Another problem arises from the fact that the show very much seems to view itself as a legitimate pop culture icon that can do no wrong. As the smugness piles on in a rather unapologetic fashion - Peter breaks the fourth wall and discusses the show with the audience in, I kid you not, six of the first seven episodes on this DVD set - I find myself wondering why I watch at all. But then something silly makes me laugh or some reference makes me nod and smile and suddenly I'm reminded that this show is the furthest thing from serious, and thus, not at all worth getting upset about. I'll just run with the good gags and roll with the bad ones and let other people with TV blogs worry about bashing or praising the show.

June 20, 2010

Mad Men: Season One

Okay, so technically I didn't watch any DVDs for this posting, and since the first season of AMC's Mad Men was available for free On Demand, I sort of cheated. But whatever. At the rate we're going the Back-Blog needs all the posts it can get, and I never review t.v. shows anyway so here I am doing just that. Mad Men is a show that I know Stan is a fan of and has told me to watch before, but it was my brother who got me into it in the first place by tossing it on one weekend morning. It's a period piece about an advertising firm, Sterling Cooper, in the sixties. It's a blast to watch the employees drink themselves retarded at work and make hilariously inappropriate comments about women while at the same time proving their worth by coming up with brilliant ad campaigns. The show focuses on the firm's best employee, Don Draper, a man who is suave and sophisticated in all the ways you aren't. He always seems to know the right ad campaign for the job, is respected by his coworkers, and has a loving (and very attractive) wife, but he's been hiding a pretty big secret for most of his life and it's just now coming back to bite him in the ass. Unfortunately I watched the episodes somewhat out of order, so I found out the secret much earlier than I should have, but that hardly detracted from my enjoyment- in watching previous episodes I liked all the foreshadowing of what was to come. It's an entertaining, stylish, and surprisingly funny look at ad-men in the sixties, and well worth a watch even if you're not that interested in the subject matter- I know I wasn't, but here I am ready to watch season 2. Good stuff.

June 19, 2010

Super Mario Galaxy

Wow. I've had Super Mario Galaxy hyped up to me for a while, mostly by Stan. I'm pretty sure he's claimed that it is the best game on the Wii, although it's debatable how great a claim that really is (hey-ooh). I suppose my favorite Wii game has been Resident Evil 4, but since that's a port it doesn't count. I can at least say that this is the best original game for the Wii. Galaxy is just awesome. The story is pretty bare-bones- the princess has been captured again, and it's up to Mario to save the day by finding a number of stars scattered throughout different galaxies. Each galaxy has its own theme of course, and while some were better than others, every level felt like the work of a genius. The level designs blew my mind over and over again, mostly with the way they played with gravity. Jumping from planet to planet was a blast and was perfectly suited for good platforming. Seriously, this game felt like Mario 64 on acid. Every level was fun and it can't be recommended enough. I think everyone on the Back-Blog has played it already though, so I guess this recommendation is a bit unnecessary, but whatever. Hopefully the next game I play is this good.

June 18, 2010

A Swiftly Tilting Planet

This was the third book published in the Time Quartet but the fourth book chronologically. Whatever. Do you guys care about what happened in this book? Because I'll be honest - I don't really care what happened in this book. Suffice it to say, there was time travel and nuclear war was averted and totally bizarre shit happened along the way. I really wish I enjoyed this tetralogy more than I have so far. I'll give this book that it was better than the last one, but only because it was slightly less absurd. Actually, maybe that made it worse. You know what? Let's just call this post done. I'm sorry for wasting your time.

June 17, 2010

The Producers (2005)


In 1968, Mel Brooks penned and directed a movie called The Producers about a theatrical performance designed to flop. In 2001, the film was turned into a Broadway musical. Then, in 2005, that Broadway musical was adapted back into a film. This is that film. I found it zany and silly, very much like everything Mel Brooks does. I knew what I'd get from Nathan Lane going in, but the true surprise in my eyes was Matthew Broderick. We know him today as a graying asshole who cheated on his ugly wife, and we knew him long ago as the cool and collected slacker Ferris Bueller. Here, he's actually quite vulnerable, likable, and easy to empathize with. Plus, he could really act and sing. Uma Thurman was also a treat as an over-the-top aspiring Swedish actress. Even Will Ferrell found a role he was perfectly suited for - the Nazi enthusiast responsible for writing "Springtime for Hitler," the very show that the leads produce with every intention of it bombing. This two-hour musical was silly and enjoyable. In fact, I didn't mind the running time at all and it felt much shorter and quicker than its runtime would suggest. This film-turned-musical-turned-film definitely gets my seal of approval.

June 16, 2010

Fearful Symmetry


After a very lengthy absence from the science game, I decided it was high time I read another nonfiction book. This one's all about modern physics. I'm sure you know about the electron and have heard of things called quarks. That was more or less the extent of my subatomic physics knowledge as well, prior to reading Fearful Symmetry. (Well, that's a bit of a fib, but bear with me.) Now, I'm practically an expert on fermions and bosons, the search for (and problems with) a "grand unification theory," and five-dimensional spacetime. Or was it ten-dimensional space? Alright, clearly, I'm still pretty lost about a number of things I just read about. But this was honestly a pretty enjoyable and interesting book. Zee spends a very small amount of time going over some basic physics before launching into two-hundred or so pages detailing the history of physics in the twentieth century. My biggest issue with the book was that it was written in 1984, and as such, pays no attention to the last twenty-five years of groundbreaking discoveries and theories. String theory, most notably, is largely absent. One aspect of the book I enjoyed was Zee's constant reference to a "Grand Creator." Zee always referred to this "Being" with capitalization - even on pronouns such as "He." (Or "She" when he was talking about "Nature" - also capitalized.) In the afterword, Zee pointed out that his belief in a creator was not so much a theistic one but more out of faith to his own field of study: physics. Anyway, there were a number of very cool passages, anecdotes, theories, and facts that I took away from the book. Did you know, for example, that no one has yet found a way to prove that time "flows" in one direction? I'll end this recap where I probably should have started it: with an explanation of the title. Well, at least the "symmetry" part. You see, symmetry is a guiding principle of modern physics and the search for new particles and explanations about how particles interact. An electron, for example, has a certain mass, spin, charge, and many other quantities. Why then should there not be another particle with the same mass and spin but a different (opposite) charge? Or one with the same mass and charge but an equal and opposite spin? It was this kind of thinking that led scientists to predict (and then later on verify) the existence of a number of quarks that hitherto had been completely unknown and totally unobserved. To me, that's pretty cool. Such a simple idea - symmetry - proving to be so fruitful in the realm of subnuclear particles. I could never be a theoretical physicist because of all the utterly complex and abstract mathematical theory that goes on, but I certainly respect the field and the sheer creativity that never gets associated with it amongst the masses.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Season 2

I just finished up the final season of Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles and I can definitely say that I am of the opinion that its cancellation was premature and a shame. The second season - and thus, the series - ended on such a cliffhanger that I still can't even fully comprehend how awesome a third season could have been. This show had the potential to be the be-all end-all continuation of the Terminator franchise; Salvation sucked so bad they might not even make a fifth movie. Alas, because the show was canceled after just 31 episodes, I'll now never know what happens to John Connor in the alternate-timeline future. Now, because the series deals with time traveling in a manner that allows for people to change the past, there are like three or four separate timelines in the franchise now. The only common story they all seem to share divides into a multitude of paths after The Terminator and Terminator 2. I won't even attempt to delve into the complexity behind it all, but time travel confusion aside, this was a great show with fantastic writing and acting. That said, I honestly wouldn't recommend that you go out and watch all 31 episodes. Things start off a bit slow and even though the payoff is worth it, you'll ultimately have spent 22 hours on a story that stops abruptly just as its getting to the best part. Save yourself the frustration and avoid this series altogether. Sadly, that's the best advice I can give. Unless a movie set in this series' timeline occurs. In that case, jump aboard and enjoy the ride.

June 15, 2010

Trauma Center: Second Opinion

Starting the operation! So I got this game, along with Super Paper Mario and Super Monkey Ball: Banana Blitz, when I purchased my Wii bundle back in 2007. That makes it my oldest Wii game in the backlog. Well, at least it was until this afternoon when I beat its ass. The game is an upgraded port of a DS game called Trauma Center: Under the Knife. The original game featured 5 worlds and one bonus world; this Wii version has a sixth world and seventh bonus world. Whatever. I considered the game finished when I had beaten the main (DS) story. Now, the whole point of the game is that you are a doctor who must treat patients in a careful and timely manner. Set broken bones. Remove broken glass and stitch up wounds. A story kind of evolves in which some new man-made disease called GUILT (I don't think it stands for anything, unlike AIDS) is running rampant and infecting people. Let me get my big gripe out of the way first: the controls. As this game is on the Wii, and the Wii remote just lacks the very precision it claims to offer, you simply cannot be as careful a doctor as you'd like to be when it comes to sutures and scalpel work. And your score suffers for it. Fortunately, it's no huge deal. All the levels were still very beatable and none were exceptionally frustrating due to sloppy controls. Still, I imagine the game is a far superior experience on the Nintendo DS, where your stylus is as steady as your hand. I have to say, I wasn't looking forward to returning this game for backlog removal purposes, but I really did genuinely enjoy each and every mission. It was definitely one of those pleasant surprises that backlog-busting is all about. Some of the most memorable missions were the inspired ones. Save a guy on a plane - but watch out for the turbulence! Save a car crash victim on site - with a flashlight, because it's dark out! Help a guy research some GUILT strains - by solving jigsaw puzzles! My favorite? Disarm a bomb! (Yes, using your medical equipment.) All in all, it was a fun game and I'm glad I took the time - and it really wasn't that much time at all - to finish it off today. Totally worth it. But I'd recommend the DS version.

June 13, 2010

Final Fantasy IV

It has been over a month since my last beaten game, which has to be a record for me not only since the inception of the Back-Blog, but since my discovery of Backloggery itself. But there is a perfectly good reason for this long delay! Mainly, I've been playing the longest game I have left- Final Fantasy IV. This one clocked in at nearly 39 hours, rivaling Okami for the longest game I've ever played. Maybe that's because I've never played a Final Fantasy game before- the series is notable for its lengthy games, and its most recent incarnation is said to exceed 100 hours in length. Anyway throw that length into the mix with a full time job and all the preparations for my sister's recent wedding, and it's easy to see that this game was not going to be quick. But enough about that. The game exceeded my expectations. It was no Chrono Trigger, but certainly a great point to enter into the series- apparently this was the first plot-heavy game in the franchise. The whole time I played it, I got pretty engrossed in the entire series, looking up other Final Fantasy games and trying to figure out how I would be able to play through them all- apparently I should be able to play all but FF10 and FF12 (no PS2). That's also not counting FF11, the online-only version that seems to be completely unnecessary to play. But they'll have to wait, and probably a while- I just bought a PS3, and thus have a number of new games added to my backlog. Alright, I guess I've barely talked about FF4 itself, but I'm sure you all know what you're going to get when you play one of these games. All I can say is that it was definitely worth my time, so much so that it has me wanting to play the rest of the series. Bring it on, Final Fantasy.

June 11, 2010

Green Day: Rock Band

When Green Day: Rock Band was first announced, I did a fair share of groaning. I understand why The Beatles: Rock Band was warranted, but Green Day is no Beatles. But as time wore on, I realized that Green Day actually had a number of songs that could be fun to play on pretend instruments. The final selling point? This game allows you to export its library for play in other Rock Band games, something The Beatles: Rock Band didn't do. My biggest complaint about the game was its price-to-length ratio. It's sold as a $59.99 full-fledged game, but it's really just 49 Green Day songs. Forty bucks sounds a lot more reasonable. But so be it. My other big complaint is the focus on full albums at the expense of true hits; aside from seven singles from Insomniac, Nimrod, and Warning, the game's setlist is comprised of the entirety of Dookie and American Idiot and most of 21st Century Breakdown. I didn't like this. Not only was there too much emphasis on Green Day's "sell-out" era in the form of their two "rock opera" albums, but also the whole middle of the band's career felt largely absent. Where was "Walking Contradiction?" "Stuart and the Avenue?" "Redundant?" "Waiting?" The biggest problem was the complete lack of the band's first two albums. If the game was meant to be some sort of chronicle of their entire career, why neglect their roots? I just think the game could have been a lot more epic and memorable with a few simple tweaks to the playlist. At the end of the day though, the game is really just exactly what you think it is: a whole lot of Green Day tracks on Rock Band.

BrĂ¼no

If I had to recap this mockumentary with one word, I'd eschew the obvious choice - "gay" - for an equally descriptive one: "short." I wasn't expecting a three-hour epic, but when the credits rolled at just an hour and eighteen minutes, I was definitely left asking, "that's it?" Some people think this flick was funnier than Borat, but I totally disagree. It was certainly more scripted than Borat. And more one-dimensional, too. But it was in no way a funnier movie. If you still haven't seen Borat, I do honestly recommend it. But I can't call this one a must-see unless you've already seen Da Ali G Show and feel the need for closure with the BrĂ¼no character. I won't go so far as to call the whole thing a waste of time - after all, an hour an eighteen minutes is hardly enough time to be considered wasted in the first place - but there's really nothing you might need to see here that you can't find on YouTube.

June 8, 2010

Super Metroid


Yep. Not even a full day after finishing Seinfeld, one of the greatest shows of the 1990s, I've beaten Super Metroid, one of the greatest video games of the 1990s. I'll cut right to the chase with this game: the hype exceeded the payoff. I don't mean to disrespect its legacy and I'm sure it would have blown me away fifteen years ago when it came out, but it just didn't seem like a legitimate candidate for "best game of all time," a title many have actually bestowed upon it. It's actually one of the most nonlinear and "customizable" games I've ever played; while you need to beat four certain bosses before heading to the final boss, you can technically defeat them in any order. And although certain power-ups are required to access certain rooms, short-cuts and loopholes abound (many are glitch-based), leaving it highly unlikely that any two first-time players would advance through the game in the same manner. It's not an especially long game (it can be 100% completed in under an hour and a half by professionals and hardcore fans), but it still took me eight to ten hours to beat. After all, so much of the fun of this game and its nonlinear style was the exploration element. At times, the game was frustrating. Skills like the "shinespark" and wall jump, for instance, required a lot of precision in timing and button pressing in order to pull off. Most bosses took me two attempts to defeat. I suppose at the end of the day, I just enjoyed Metroid Fusion a little bit more than this eight-year predecessor. And the 3D Prime series is just too different to allow for a fair comparison to this game. I can't stress it enough, so I'll say it again: the game was a decent one, but its lofty reputation just couldn't be matched. My biggest complaint, though typical of all SNES-era games, is probably the lack of story. Why am I on the planet I am on, doing what I am doing? This boss looks pretty badass, but what exactly is he and how does that relate to the adventure as a whole? Frankly, I can only recommend Super Metroid to big fans of the series and people who don't mind its graphical limitations. Regardless, now that I'm done with it, I'm done with every SNES game I own (and by extension, every downloadable Wii game). That feels pretty nice; Super Nintendo was my very first system and though I'll make no promises, I think I've now beaten every acclaimed game it had to offer. As far as the Metroid franchise goes, I don't know if I'll ever finish that one off; Prime 2 and Prime 3 still await my attention in the backlog, but I have yet to buy Hunters, Pinball, Metroid II, or the upcoming Other M. And why would I go out of my way to buy four new games just to beat a series? I'm not saying I will never do that; I'm just saying it isn't going to happen anytime soon. On the other hand, hopefully the completion of Metroid Prime 2 will.

June 7, 2010

Seinfeld: Season 9

Webber just posted about the final season of what I believe to be the best comedy of the '00s. Now, allow me to reflect on the final season of what many believe to be the best comedy of the '90s. Since I've already talked about the show at length, and since this season was really no worse than the previous five or six in my opinion, let's just cut to the chase and talk about the series finale. It's no secret that it was met with nearly unanimous criticism. I hope you won't consider it a spoiler for me to talk about the episode - 75 million people tuned in back in 1998, so really, if you haven't heard about it by now I'd be impressed. Anyway, as you probably already know, the hour-long final episode has the gang being arrested for breaking some bullshit misrepresentation of a "Good Samaritan" law and then tried and found guilty by a jury of their peers. They all wind up going to prison. And that's how the series ends. Even 12 years later, I totally understand the disappointment. Seinfeld was the #1 show in America when it ended. The showrunners made the rare and commendable decision to go out on their own terms. And these were the terms they chose? The whole thing felt rather clip-show-esque and, really, not all that funny. And I'm not saying the Seinfeld finale should have been touching or emotional (in fact I'm glad it was neither of these things), but why spend the show's final hour reminding the audience what terrible people the four main characters are? The beauty of Seinfeld was how easily we could all relate to it. The characters only acted as self-centered and shallow as we wish we could behave without being caught by society's judgmental eye. In essence, the finale said that these characters were all reprehensible people - which was true - but without meaning to do so, the finale thus produced an enormous moral compass we'd never even seen on Seinfeld before. It didn't really fit with the mood of the rest of the show. I'm not smug enough to think I could have come up with an ideal series finale, but plenty of possibilities existed that were better than what they actually put forth. On the last season of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry David put together a Seinfeld reunion special. I'd love to see that actually come to fruition, especially given the actual closure we received regarding the foursome. I think the Curb episode's Seinfeld reunion may actually be considered canon in the Seinfeld universe. And hey, I'll take it; the actual Seinfeld finale kind of sucked. Oh well. It was a sitcom; the point was never the ending but the episodes along the way. And those were, for the most part, great. I guess now I can compare Seinfeld to other great comedies from my lifetime. But the question is, does it even compare to other great comedies from my lifetime? Sounds blasphemous, I know, but I'll say the following. Larry David's other project, Curb Your Enthusiasm, has a similar tone but superior humor (thanks in no small part to its home being HBO instead of network TV). It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia is a contemporary show about horrible and selfish people, and it makes me laugh far more than Seinfeld. Perhaps we should focus on networks, however, where comparisons are easier. Fine. On FOX, Arrested Development was amazing. But that's all I can come up with, and it only lasted three seasons. Had it lasted nine seasons - and what a dream that would have been - who's to say it could have kept up the pace? Seinfeld may have been about nothing, but that's what made it so easy to keep it going year after year. Nine years, and still the #1 show in the country? That's not just impressive; that's something we'll never see again. Keep in mind that it had a laugh track and a multi-camera set-up, and we can immediately narrow down its genre and remove Curb, Sunny, Arrested, and even shows like The Office and 30 Rock from the discussion. With this more-defined constraint in place, what's left when it comes to discussing the greatest "traditional" sitcom of my lifetime? Really, just Friends. And Seinfeld was better than Friends in most respects. But not all of them. But I'm not about to get into a Seinfeld versus Friends debate with myself on a dying blog that nobody reads. Seriously, guys - where are you?

June 5, 2010

Arrested Development Season 3


The third and final season of Arrested Development. Years have gone by and I have spent hours upon hours listening to people tell me that Arrested Development is the greatest show ever. Many occasions spring to mind of Sweeney and co. quoting endlessly episodes of a show I had seen but not chronologically and with no intent of fanatical devotion. So I finally set about watching this show in order from beginning to end. At first I didn't love it and to be honest at some points I was irritated by the repetition of jokes and often overly subtle humor. By season three however I feel the show had finally hit a stride. The first episode of the season sets the pace for what is to come with the additions of the family's newest vehicle, the cabin towing truck (outdoing the previous family vehicle, the stair car from the family jet).

My personal favorite parts of the entire season are those revolving around the shows imminent cancellation. Watching it in hindsight the desperate attempts to get ratings are even funnier. Starting with the announcer blatantly asking viewers to "tell your friends about this show." Eventually coming to an end with a season finale that pulls out all the stops, someone dies, there are 3D scenes, and twist and turns galore.

In the end I feel that they wrapped the series up nicely. The family is no longer in danger of criminal charges. The love between the two cousins who are cousins and then aren't again is left ambiguous, as it should be. Finishing with the subtle hint of a movie possibility so that rumors of a movie can continue to flourish for years to come...

June 2, 2010

Seinfeld: Season 8

Thanks to a five-disc DVD player, I was able to watch this entire four-disc set without ever having to get up and change discs. It was awesome. I felt like George Costanza. Anyway, this penultimate season of America's favorite sitcom was supposed to suffer from a drop in quality. With Larry David gone, I was ready for a disappointment. But while there was certainly a noticeable change in the overall format and style of the show, I'm happy to report that it was still just as funny as the seasons that had preceded it. Jerry's opening stand-up bit is gone, replaced instead by an awkward conversation in the midst of everyday life between two of the main cast members as if to drive home Jerry's penchant for observational comedy. Overall, I don't think the quality of the show suffered from the loss of Larry David. I think the one thing in general that I'll take away from Season 8 was the sheer number of brand name guest stars. The last episode alone managed to show off Amanda Peet, Molly Shannon, and Raquel Welch. Others included Debra Messing, David Letterman, Melinda Clarke, Bryan Cranston, Bob Odenkirk, Kristin Davis, Lauren Graham, Lloyd Bridges, Christine Taylor, Ben Stein, Sarah Silverman, Kyle Gass, and Debra Jo Rupp. Even Derek Jeter and Bernie Williams made cameos in one episode. Crazy. I know Seinfeld was big when it aired, but I had no idea it had that kind of pull. Now, only one season stands between me and series completion: the ninth and final one. A quick scouting report shows that I have not yet seen any of the episodes, but I've heard plenty about two particular ones - the "Festivus" episode and the series finale. I'm just hoping for an enjoyable season, and if it's along the lines of Season 8, I'll get just that.

Mega Man X6

Well, thank God that's over. This game was - and I'm making no exaggerations here - the worst in the series in every possible way. The story was horrible, basically undoing the emotional ending to X5 instantly. Remember Zero and how he died? It turns out, he didn't! Instead, X6 retcons the story such that Zero just went away for a while to hide and - get ready for this one - repair himself. He was an arm, a head, and an upper torso! Never mind that he was completely martyr-like and ready to accept his death as a necessary means for world peace as an end. Whatever. The story was the least of my concerns with this game. The stage design was absolutely abysmal. I've got no problem dying in platformers when it's due to human error or well-crafted puzzles. But this level design was just horrible. I won't even delve into it. Also horrible is the random nature of this game. Certain pathways in levels only open up at random. This means you might be playing through a level looking for enhancements only to learn that the game has decided that in this particular playthrough, you can't go down an alternate pathway. Whatever. Also, many enemies have ridiculous defensive qualities such as total invulnerability. I mean, there's a difference between pleasantly challenging and ridiculously tedious. Tedious, aside from frustrating, may be the best one-word description of Mega Man X6. There was horrible inconsistency with the difficulty, too. Some bosses were among the easiest in the series and others were among the hardest. There was just nothing redeeming about this game at all. Oh yeah, and there are translation errors running amok. And also they never bothered redubbing English voice overs, simply subtitling Japanese ones instead. Seriously, even the production value suffered here. Mega Man X5 was a decent game - how did things go so wrong in X6? But hey, I'm just glad that this compilation is over and done with. Since I've beaten eight classic Mega Man games, six Mega Man X games, and three spin-offs, in addition to dabbling with both Mega Man Legends and Mega Man Soccer, you might assume I've played through the majority of the franchise. Nope. Two more classic games, two more X games, a two-part GameBoy Color spinoff of X called Mega Man Xtreme, a five-part GameBoy spinoff of the classic series, a game between Mega Man 8 and 9 called Mega Man & Bass, two PC games, a four-part GBA series called Mega Man Zero, a two-part DS series called Mega Man ZX, and two more Mega Man Legends games all also exist. And I haven't even included the thirteen Battle Network games or the seven Star Force games, considered to be part of a separate universe than all the other Mega Man games. Holy shit. Thankfully, none of these exist on my backlog. The question now, then, is whether or not I ever want to play more Mega Man games or not. Since I'm simply not buying games anymore for a long time, the question is mostly irrelevant. Still, I suppose I can at least give an idea as to what games I should be on the look out for. I suppose, being a sucker for series completion, I wouldn't mind playing 9 or 10, and by the same token, X7 or X8. Also, the entire Mega Man Zero series of GBA games is coming out on a DS compilation quite similar to the two I've recently plowed through on GameCube. Just saying. I really didn't like Mega Man Legends, so that group of games is nothing I'd want to get into. I also see little to no point in the games for the PC, GB, or GBC. Mega Man ZX is only two games long, but I'd have to play (and enjoy) the Mega Man Zero series before jumping into that one. Oh, and I also wouldn't mind playing Mega Man & Bass, which is basically "Mega Man 8.5." But that's another 11 or so games right there. So, yeah. No rush. No rush at all. Adios, Mega Man X Collection. Next up: Super Metroid.

Mega Man X5

So, I've talked about the gameplay in the Mega Man X series and I've talked about the transition to the PlayStation and Sega Saturn. What I still haven't gotten into, but promised I would, is explaining why Mega Man X is a different and separate series than Mega Man. To explain this, I'll essentially need to summarize plot. Fortunately, Mega Man X5 had the most emotionally resonant story in either series so far; since I'd need to explain the franchise's backstory anyway in order to describe X5's plot, this works out perfectly. This may take a while, but I promise, I'll avoid all of the mundane shit; what's important isn't the conflict specific to each game in the series, but instead just the characters and general structure of the plot. So here we go. The Mega Man series begins in the 21st century when Dr. Light, a robotics genius, develops the first humanoid robot with artificial intelligence. This is Mega Man. Following this success, Light creates six more humanoid robots specially designed for specific tasks - cutting down trees, demolition work, et cetera. He wins the Nobel Prize. His jealous assistant, Dr. Wily, rebels by reprogramming these six robot masters for destructive purposes and seeks to take over the world. Light then converts Mega Man into a combat-ready robot and sends him off to defeat the robots and Wily, saving the world. That's the first game. Over the course of the next nine in the series, Wily repeatedly escapes, rebuilds an army of robots, and is conquered by Mega Man. The cycle repeats itself with few twists every game. One point of note is that Wily creates a robot called Bass, modeled after Mega Man but stronger than he is, as a natural rival to Mega Man. The problem is that Bass is torn between doing his duty and doing what he knows is right; he becomes a "frienemy" of sorts to Mega Man, sometimes fighting with him and sometimes against him. Oh, and there's also Proto Man, Dr. Light's first attempt at making an intelligent robot. Anyway, that's all fine and good, but that's really all that the Mega Man series has to offer. Here comes the transition to Mega Man X. Dr. Light, knowing he's not long for this world and that Mega Man won't last forever, constructs his magnum opus (still in the 21st century), an all-around state-of-the-art robot called Mega Man X. Realizing the potential X had for both good and evil, Light sealed him away in a chamber for thirty years. The chamber would test and evaluate X's sense of ethics and morality; only once he proved to be capable of making "good" decisions on his own (without having been explicitly programmed to do so), would he be allowed outside of the chamber. Only, instead of thirty years, he ends up being sealed away for a hundred due to a cave in. In the 22nd century, then, X is finally uncovered by an archaeologist named Dr. Cain. At this point, the original Mega Man has been "dead" for a long time, along with Bass and Proto Man and everyone else from the original series, including Dr Light and Dr. Wily. But before he died, Dr. Wily also made a magnum opus of his own and called it Zero. Mirroring Light's plan, Wily also sealed his own creation away for an extended amount of time. Anyway, Cain decides to make some "reploids" (a portmanteau of "replica" and "android?") of the newly discovered X. But once Zero is unearthed from his own chamber, he brings with him a virus that causes these reploids to go "maverick," or rebel against humanity. So now come the maverick wars. Those affected by the virus are hunted down by a special group of reploids called, fittingly, the maverick hunters. X is one such hunter. The group is led by Sigma, Dr. Cain's own greatest creation. One day, Sigma and Zero have a showdown that leaves Sigma the victor but both severely damaged and weakened; Zero is brought back to the maverick hunter headquarters and, after extensive monitoring, he's shown to be free of the virus. He joins the team and makes a fantastic addition, becoming a mentor-like figure to X. There's just one problem; Sigma, in his severely weakened state, succumbs to the maverick virus himself. And that's where the actual gameplay in Mega Man X kicks off - Sigma takes nearly all of the maverick hunters with him, turning them maverick themselves. Apparently, just X and Zero remain. The plot of the first three games has X battling his way into Sigma's fortress and stopping his evil plans. Aside from a brief segment of X3, Zero is a nonplayable character, merely mentoring X from the sidelines as he, presumably, does other important things to take down Sigma and the mavericks. Then, X4 begins to mix things up a bit as you can play the entire game as either X or Zero. In this game, Sigma has manipulated a situation in which the maverick hunters declare an entire group of reploids (called the "Repliforce") to be mavericks. A war breaks out, and Sigma's intention is to get both groups to destroy one another for him. It pretty much works. Zero even needs to kill the love of his life (yeah, robots can love, I guess) in order to follow orders. The event clearly shakes him to the bone, and he endures an emotional breakdown afterward, crying out, "What am I even fighting for?" Always cold and distant (he was programed by Wily, after all), Zero becomes even more stand-offish by the time X5 rolls around. Now, this game was supposed to be the finale of the series; it's got a really epic plot and plenty of legitimately moving scenes about the bromance between X and Zero. This time around, Sigma is looking to destroy the entire world by implanting a virus in a giant space colony, causing it to fall down toward the Earth. After you fight through the standard eight robot masters using either X or Zero, Zero will climb aboard a spaceship and launch himself at the incoming space colony on an apparent suicide mission. Here's where things get interesting, and here's what makes this game so unique among the series. Depending on whether or not you've successfully beaten the eight robot masters and collected the right parts for the spaceship, one of three endings happens. If you've failed to do what I just described, Zero will fail to destroy the space colony and humanity will barely survive extinction on impact. X will then race to the crash site looking for Zero only to find him overrun by Sigma's latest virus - dubbed the Zero Virus - and suddenly cognizant of his original purpose: to destroy X and all humans. X fights and kills Zero, more or less sobbing before, during, and after the battle. Sigma arrives - you gotta fight him too - and after he is destroyed, he activates a self-destruct mechanism that blows X to pieces. Barely functioning, the largest chunk of X - head, shoulders, and one arm - are suddenly greeted by a strange visitor from the past: Dr. Light himself. (How? I don't know. Is this his ghost? A hallucination inside X? Whatever.) We cut to a few weeks later and a healthy and active X is shown once again leading the maverick hunters. He remembers his encounter with Sigma just fine, but when asked about Zero, he has no idea what he's talking about. It's then implied that Dr. Light not only repaired X but also deleted whatever portion of his memory was dedicated to Zero. Presumably, Light knew X would be unable to keep fighting if burdened by the loss of his mentor and only true friend. Pretty touching and bittersweet, no? Anyway, that's just one ending, and I had to look on YouTube to find it. For the other two endings, which are much more alike, let's rewind back to when Zero is about to collide with the space colony. If you did get all the necessary parts, the plan goes off without a hitch and Zero ejects safely. Once again, though, the remnants of the colony crash into the Earth (though there are no human casualties mentioned) and a giant crater appears. This is where Zero lands and where X again rushes to meet him. Here, once again, X and Zero must fight. This time, though, it's not nearly as serious; because Zero has gone rogue, he's been labeled a maverick. X tells him to at least turn himself in and Zero refuses. Whichever reploid you're playing as, just vanquish the other one. Either way, Sigma will appear and, again, you need to fight him. And, yes, he once again self-destructs and nearly destroys both X and Zero. Zero saves X, however, and takes the brunt of the damage. Now, if you're playing as Zero, you'll see the ending through Zero's eyes; play as X, and you'll get the same ending, just seen from X's point of view. It is as follows: Zero is fading fast and though X keeps yelling at him to pull through, Zero realizes that it's only a matter of time before he himself turns maverick once again; he remembers, suddenly, being created by Dr. Wily for bad intentions. He realizes his purpose was to kill X all along, and though he has no urge to follow through on it, he's too ashamed to go on. Besides, his mind is no longer on the maverick war, as when he killed his own girlfriend in X4, it sucked the will right out of him. (Remember that quote? Yeah, foreshadowing. Nice!) Dying, he apologizes to said girlfriend in an image and swears to X that his death is for the best. The credits roll. Now, if you played as X, you'll get the same ending, but instead of seeing Zero apologize to his girlfriend and remember his own creation, you just see X collapsing. Dr. light, once again, shows up to fix him (why? how?), but this time he does not erase X's memories of Zero. We cut to three years later. X is back to kicking ass and taking names for the maverick hunters. When a distress call comes in, he flies out the door wielding Zero's saber. The game ends with a monologue from X paying tribute to Zero and claiming that with Zero's sword at his side, X will never truly be without his best friend. Aww. And, scene. So yeah. I know I did it next to no justice, but this game actually had a very strong and emotional story at its core. Zero's atonement, X's heartbreak - there were things going on here that were far deeper than anything in the eight classic Mega Man games. Of course, Capcom ended up deciding to continue the X series, even against the will of its creator, and X6 came out a year later. I'll play that next, but I'm not looking forward to it; rumor has it that the sixth game more or less undoes the beautiful ending from this one and also sucks gameplay-wise. But hey, whatever. It's my last game in this compilation disc. Let's do this.

June 1, 2010

Mega Man X4

Mega Man X4 took the series to a new system (the Sony PlayStation) and I was both excited and apprehensive about the transition. I had already played X3 and been put off by all of the differences between it and the original Mega Man X. As I expected, X4 only took the series further away from its roots. Fortunately, the change this time was good. The graphical upgrade didn't turn me off. If anything, I was happy to see the series looking better and playing more smoothly. It was also nice to see that they got rid of the ride armor upgrades that were the face of everything I hated about X3. The coolest thing about this game was that you could play through it either as X or as Zero. As much as I like Zero, I felt I had to be true to the series and play through this game as X. Now, the game seemed a bit easy to me. And I'm not complaining about that, just pointing it out. It turns out, I learned from the Internet that X is supposed to be the character you use if you're a novice player; Zero is reserved for veteran players. Oops! Oh well. Two games are left on the compilation and I just hope they're quick and painless. If they're as easy as this one was, I'm in for a cakewalk.