August 31, 2010

Three-Sentence Reviews: Disc-Based Nintendo Games

Holy balls! Three of these in one day? You bet. What surprises me even more than that, I think, is that by the end of this post I'll have recapped games for eight different Nintendo gaming systems. Without thinking about it, I wouldn't even have guessed that there were that many in existence, but three handhelds and five consoles will get you exactly that number. Weird. Anyway, here are twenty-nine more mini-reviews, courtesy of the GameCube and the Wii. Huzzah!

Cranium Kabookii (Wii, 2007)
This was nothing more than the popular board game using a Wii disc as its medium. I played it two or three times and never really felt the need to do so again. Stick with the board game.

Dance Dance Revolution: Mario Mix (GCN, 2005)
I hate the DDR franchise, but this isn't a terrible game. In fact, it's more fun to hop back and forth to classic Mario songs than it is to dance to obscure J-pop and heavily remixed techno. Also, few things in video gaming are as humorous as final boss Bowser breaking it down in the final stage.

Donkey Konga (GCN, 2004)
This little drummer game predates Guitar Hero and has the distinction of being the first mainstream musical instrument game. The song selection is pretty decent, too. Ultimately though, there's no reason to return here now that Rock Band exists.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess (Wii, 2006)
I don't know whether or not this game is as good as the much-lauded Ocarina, but I don't think it's much worse. I really went balls to the wall in this one, finishing every side quest and collecting every heart piece. It took me forty hours or so, but it never once got old.

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker (GCN, 2003)
This is certainly not a traditional Zelda game. Link's first foray into the world of cel-shading included a heavy emphasis on exploration and mapping, elements that have been retained in the other "Toon Link" Zelda games. I like this game a lot, but it just doesn't have that pure Zelda feel.

Link's Crossbow Training (Wii, 2007)
Speaking of impure-feeling Zelda games, how about this rail shooter? I had a lot of fun challenging siblings and roommates to beat my high scores in this very arcade-inspired game. It also came with the "Wii Zapper," which has been instrumental in a number of other Wii shooters I've played (not that there are many).

Luigi's Mansion (GCN, 2001)
People love to shit on this game because it was a launch title starring Luigi instead of Mario. But people also love to shit on Super Mario Sunshine, so maybe there was no way to win here for Nintendo. Well, I, for one, enjoyed this game, at least.

Mario Golf: Toadstool Tour (GCN, 2003)
Maybe if golf was more of my thing I would have had more fun with this game. And I did have some fun with it. It's just that by the eleventh or twelfth time playing the same 18-hole course, I really couldn't fight off the boredom.

Mario Kart Wii (Wii, 2008)
Sadly, I view this as a regression for the franchise. Still a very fun game, of course, but what happened to the two-player option from Double Dash? And why did the multiplayer graphics get worse instead of better?

Mario Kart: Double Dash!! (GCN, 2003)
I'm not afraid to disagree with my peers when it comes to Mario Kart, and I consider this installment to be the finest of the franchise. Nearly every course was a blast and nearly every kart had its advantages. Also, the ability to use not just one but two characters provided for an enormous magnitude of style customization.

Mario Party 4 (GCN, 2002)
From memory alone, I have no way of differentiating the four GameCube Mario Party games. None stand out. All were so-so.

Mario Party 5 (GCN, 2003)
Did you see what I wrote above? Because it applies here as well. And that's all I can say.

Mario Party 6 (GCN, 2004)
I'm really sorry about this. I wish I had more to say about these games. But I don't.

Mario Party 7 (GCN, 2005)
No, seriously. Nothing. Nothing at all.

Mario Party 8 (Wii, 2007)
Finally, a game I can recall! The Wii gave the desperate Mario Party series a breath of fresh air with a new control scheme. I still think the Nunchuk attachment would have provided even more innovation, but whatever.

Mario Power Tennis (GCN, 2004)
Unfortunately, what I wrote about Mario Golf applies here as well. Playing tennis as Mario and his friends is fun, but only for so long. I'm sure the Wii port with enhanced controls made for a more fun experience, but I never played it.

North American Hunting Extravaganza (Wii, 2008)
I had always wanted to play a "Cabela's" branded hunting video game, but when I saw this in the bargain bin I knew it would suffice. I got really into this awful game, donning a wife beater and drinking beers and Jack Daniels as I shot virtual game with the Wii Zapper. Though I still haven't played anything from the Cabela's Dangerous Hunts franchise, this game has more than satiated my appetite for doing so.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (GCN, 2004)
This is a charming and endearing RPG. I never played the original one on Nintendo 64, but based on how long this one was, I don't think I need to do so. Still, given enough time, I'm sure someday I will.

Star Fox Adventures (GCN, 2002)
Now here's an infamous mistake. Why the head honchos at Nintendo thought Fox McCloud was due for a Zelda knockoff with dinosaurs is something I'll never understand. Worst of all, it introduced the world at large to Krystal, a purple vixen who has become a symbolic bastion for furries looking for mainstream acceptance.

Super Mario Galaxy (Wii, 2007)
This is my favorite Wii game and the only reason I'm putting off its sequel is because I'm saving it for a time when I really want to play it. Like, this game may have rekindled a dying spark in me for playing video games. That may or may not have been a good thing, but it certainly says a lot about how awesome Galaxy is.

Super Monkey Ball (GCN, 2001)
This game was a launch title for the Wii. My friends and I had a lot of fun with the mini-games it offered, and none more so than Monkey Target. The single-player gameplay was pretty enjoyable as well.

Super Monkey Ball 2 (GCN, 2002)
I'm a bit torn on this one. In every way, it was an upgrade over the first Super Monkey Ball game, but although the campaign was longer and more detailed it wasn't necessarily more fun. Ditto for Monkey Target and the rest of the mini-games.

Super Paper Mario (Wii, 2007)
This was slightly less RPG-flavored (no turn-based combat) than the previous two Paper Mario games, and I think it benefited because of that. Unfortunately, it was also the least compelling of the games story-wise. It still made for an enjoyable game that's well worth playing, however.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl (Wii, 2008)
I love this game, but it seems like everyone in my peer group laments what it could have been or should have been instead of just accepting it for what it was. And what it was was a big step forward from Melee. If you disagree, try to envision playing Brawl from 2001-2008 and then seeing Melee for the first time.

Super Smash Bros. Melee (GCN, 2001)
As I was saying above, Melee is a fantastic game but Brawl is just a little bit better. It just hasn't manage to resonate with my friends and me the way Melee did for seven years. Of course, maybe part of that stems from the fact that we've all grown the hell up and no longer want to spend entire nights playing Super Smash Bros. until dawn breaks.

Wii Fit (Wii, 2008)
This is much less of a game than a weight loss application. And it isn't even all that good as making you lose weight. It's more or less a weight tracking program with a few balance-based mini-games.

Wii Music (Wii, 2008)
This game is strange because it has limitless potential and yet next to no lasting appeal. I'm sure if my friends and I whipped it out one night to revisit it, we'd have just as much fun as ever. And yet, we've never done so and probably never will.

Wii Sports (Wii, 2006)
Everyone's grandparents are familiar with this "game," which is really just a brief demonstration of the Wii's control scheme capabilities. I had my fun with it for a little while, but like everyone else who took the Wii seriously, I soon put it away in lieu of some actual games. And I've never really felt the need to pick it back up.

Worms Blast (GCN, 2002)
This is a puzzle game with sloppy controls. I never even knew such a thing was possible until I played it. If I had known it was totally unlike the turn-based strategy series from which it steals its moniker, I'd have avoided it at all costs.

Alright! That's certainly enough for today. I'll be back tomorrow with the August recap, and after that, perhaps some actual new content. Or then again, perhaps just some more of these mini-recaps which I'm sure we'll all grow to hate in due time. For now, I hope you're all enjoying them.

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