I did it! I finished the original trilogy! I'm going to give myself a pat on the back. So this movie is the end. What will happen? Will Darth Vader and Luke square off in an epic fight? Will the Empire win and rule the galaxy (or many galaxies)? Will the force prevail? Will Han and Leia bone? Will Chewbacca and R2-D2 overtake Gimli and Legolas as my favorite movie trilogy duo? We shall see!
Vader and Luke do square off and the emperor tries to do mind tricks on him, but Luke's a Jedi and he's too cool for that shit. Luke's gonna die and everything but then his dad's like, "what the hell am I doing? This ugly emperor is not my boss." So Vader goes all Jedi on the emperor's ass and throws him into an abyss which probably pops out in space somewhere.
Back up back up. Where's the rest of Luke's crew? Good news! They are on teddy bear planet! I love teddy bears! So apparently most people hate this movie for that reason, but not me. I'm unique. Because see, I thought Chewbacca and R2-D2 needed another furry friend for their rag tag gang, and the teddy bear was perfect. He was pretty awesome though. Han and his gang successfully disarm the shield. Han is all like "you love Luke". Leia's all like "Yeah... I do, *sigh*" Then Han cries. She comforts him and says no "I love him like a brother Han, you're my main squeeze". Then they kiss and make up.
Why are they disarming the shield? For a MAJOR REBEL ATTACK! Led by the one and only Lando who went from friend to backstabber to friend. So Lando's flying towards the Death Star (part deux) and is about to eff that shit up, when he goes "WAIT! they know we're here!" (Dramatic pause.) "IT'S A TRAP!" That line was really awesome and said by some weird alien I don't know.
Anywho, it was a big surprise but they succeed. And Luke destroys the Empire. Han and Leia love each other. SIDE NOTE! I just remember in the beginning of the movie Leia becomes Jabba the Hutt's sex slave. It was awkward and she was scantily clad. Anyways, R2-D2 and C-3P0 probably live forever. Chewbacca gets depressed because his best bud ditched him for a girl. And the teddy bears live in peace.
The End!
Vader and Luke do square off and the emperor tries to do mind tricks on him, but Luke's a Jedi and he's too cool for that shit. Luke's gonna die and everything but then his dad's like, "what the hell am I doing? This ugly emperor is not my boss." So Vader goes all Jedi on the emperor's ass and throws him into an abyss which probably pops out in space somewhere.
Back up back up. Where's the rest of Luke's crew? Good news! They are on teddy bear planet! I love teddy bears! So apparently most people hate this movie for that reason, but not me. I'm unique. Because see, I thought Chewbacca and R2-D2 needed another furry friend for their rag tag gang, and the teddy bear was perfect. He was pretty awesome though. Han and his gang successfully disarm the shield. Han is all like "you love Luke". Leia's all like "Yeah... I do, *sigh*" Then Han cries. She comforts him and says no "I love him like a brother Han, you're my main squeeze". Then they kiss and make up.
Why are they disarming the shield? For a MAJOR REBEL ATTACK! Led by the one and only Lando who went from friend to backstabber to friend. So Lando's flying towards the Death Star (part deux) and is about to eff that shit up, when he goes "WAIT! they know we're here!" (Dramatic pause.) "IT'S A TRAP!" That line was really awesome and said by some weird alien I don't know.
Anywho, it was a big surprise but they succeed. And Luke destroys the Empire. Han and Leia love each other. SIDE NOTE! I just remember in the beginning of the movie Leia becomes Jabba the Hutt's sex slave. It was awkward and she was scantily clad. Anyways, R2-D2 and C-3P0 probably live forever. Chewbacca gets depressed because his best bud ditched him for a girl. And the teddy bears live in peace.
The End!
You got pretty animated with this one. Tons of caps lock and exclamation points. A few things.
ReplyDeleteI'm a bit ashamed to even make this correction, but the Star Wars franchise takes place in "a" (one! singular!) galaxy. (Long ago and far, far away.)
I knew you would love the Ewoks (teddy bears). I claimed before the movie even started that "you will love this movie for the same reason the Star Wars nerds hate it."
This movie is also a bit less respectable because of the whole Luke-Leia sibling thing. To me (even when I first saw these movies as like an eight-year-old), it felt both super awkward (didn't they have some romantic tension or attraction in the first movie?) and tacked on (as if Lucas was trying to come up with another twist along the lines of "I am your father."
And I hate to break it to you but the teddy bears don't live in peace. For more information, see the spin-off sequels "Caravan of Courage" and "The Battle for Endor." I have no effing clue what happens in those movies but the mere fact that the Ewoks star in sequels tells me there's plenty of conflict yet to come.
Finally, if you liked the Ewoks, something tells me you're gonna love Jar Jar Binks.
I was enthusiastic because of the ridiculousness of this movie.
ReplyDelete1. I thought it was a single galaxy! But I got confused because they seemed to have to fly pretty far in hyper speed so I was like, hey, maybe it is more than one galaxy.
2. Yea, Ewoks are awesome.
3. I did not like that surprise! It was one of the things I did not know about coming into the movie, and they definitely did have sexual tension. Awkward.
4. What?!?! There's more movies? They lived in peace but they probably have to defend themselves from the remnants of the Death Star (part deux) that blew up onto their planet.
5. Webber told me Jar Jar Binks sucks.