God Knows

Holy shit! Marissa and Keith came out of retirement with monster postings today, and I'll be damned if I can't join in on this fracas. It may be July back at home, but here in Hawaii it is still June 30th, dammit. Joseph Heller's fourth book, God Knows, is narrated by the biblical figure King David. Even if you aren't a scholar of the Old Testament, you might know that David was the one who slew Goliath. David was the one for whom the Jewish symbol - the star of David - is named. David was the warrior king who overtook the Philistines and united the Kingdom of Israel. Amongst many other things. In typical Heller fashion, the book is loaded with cynicism, flat characters, and logical absurdities. But while Catch-22, Something Happened, and Good as Gold lampooned the military, the corporate rat race, and the American government respectively, God Knows aims for a much easier - and loftier - target: the absurdities of the Old Testament. This book is not for everyone. In fact, I'm not even sure it was for me. There were far too many references to Jewish people and places I'd never even heard of; my Old Testament knowledge is more or less limited to the creation, the Garden of Eden, Cain and Abel, Noah and his ark, Moses and the Exodus, forty years in search of the Promised Land, Joseph and his coat of many colors, that dude that got swallowed by the whale, Solomon's proposal to cut a baby in two, the Queen of Sheba shaving someone's beard, and David and Goliath. That may sound like a lot - and frankly, I'm sure I'd rank among the top 20% of all Americans when it comes to Old Testament knowledge - but consider how long the Bible is compared to how few anecdotes I just mentioned. Also consider that God Knows devotes 350 pages to David and his episodes alone, and you can see why I was lost without a paddle at times while reading. Still, the majority of the humor and message were conveyed regardless of the knowledge I had going into this book. Heller's depiction of the old Jews of the Bible was one of common everyday people. David was cocky and arrogant. Moses had a stammering problem and was a terrible buffoon; no wonder it took him forty years to find the Promised Land in an area the size of Vermont. Solomon was not "wise" but simply "foolish" - according to Heller's David, Solomon honestly thought cutting a baby in two would appease both of his supposed mothers; his proposal to do so was a serious one. Even God is depicted in a rather human and imperfect manner. David often describes having a bit of a beef - a rivalry, even - with the Lord. David also somehow has enough foresight to make reference to events that would not happen for a number of years, referring to Michelangelo's statue of David as the work of some "Florentine fag" who depicted David as a Greek instead of an Israeli. As is always the case, Heller was at his best in the form of absurd dialogue. Right after David's wife Bathsheba invents underwear (I have no idea to what extent, if any, this occurrence is rooted in biblical accuracy), she claims they'll be a huge success, and immediately demands that David give her a hundred sewing machines in order to ease her manufacturing burden. "But those don't exist yet," says David. "So invent one," retorts Bathsheba. "If I can invent bloomers, you can certainly invent a sewing machine." I'm definitely rambling now, summarizing and highlighting God Knows to a larger degree than any of you readers, I'm sure, would care to know about it. So I'll wrap this up by saying that even though I connected far less with this book than with Catch-22 or Something Happened, I still enjoyed it for the most part. Again, not a must-read, but a treat all the same. Three Heller books remain, and if I'm to continue reading them in their publication order then first I'll need to buy Picture This. Consider it done.