Waxwork

Let me start off by giving you a little backstory as to how I stumbled upon this “B” movie classic. Recently I went out to go see Going the Distance with Kelsi in hopes of catching a nice date movie. We were gipped. Aside from a few classic Charlie Day moments, the movie was a complete bore. But enough about that... What I’m getting to is that shortly after the film I began checking Drew Barrymore’s (one of the film’s leads) filmography and saw a familiar title: Waxwork II: Lost in time. Why did this look so familiar? Oh, right. It’s another shitty horror film made into an underground classic thanks to the man himself, Mr. Bruce Campbell. A Bruce Campbell film I haven’t seen? This will not do. I threw this into my Netflix queue only to find the DVD contained a double-feature. Being apart of this blog, it’s my duty to view everything I get my hands onto - no half-assing here! So, in honor of working my way to Waxwork II, here’s the prequel.

As you may have already figured, this is a horror film. A “B” horror film. What does that mean? Shitty acting, shitty camera work, shitty story, and - in general - a shitty movie. Why do I love these films? I have no idea, but Waxwork definitely qualifies as a “B” movie. The premise is simple. A mysterious wax museum arrives to this yuppy town one day where a group of wealthy, over-privilege college kids are suckered into checking out the exhibits one night for a private showing offered by the owner, Lincoln. Inside, all the wax models depict graphic scenes of violence that are somewhat reminiscent of old horror movies (Wolfman, Dracula, Zombies, ect.). But when dumb-ass kids decide to step over the red velvet rope to get a closer look at the statues, they are suddenly transported into a world based on the violent scene they were looking at and eventually succumb to the deadly monsters that live within it. The whole film culminates when Mark and Sarah, the only two characters who were smart enough not to fuck with the exhibits their first time in the museum, return to the museum after learning that the evil dude running it has sold his sole to the devil (or something?) and is attempting to resurrect his monsters by filling his quota of human sacrifices. Our heroes arrive right when he meets his quota, then all hell breaks lose (literally) and the monsters come to life. When all looks hopeless, Sir Wilfred - the wheelchair-ridden, wealthy lunatic who Mark sought advice from in regards to Lincoln’s past - arrives with a slew of old men from an ancient organization who’ve apparently been waging war with this satanic fellow for centuries.

After a really cheesy fight scene that ends with Lincoln’s demise, the museum burns to the ground with Mark and Sarah being the only survivors. Then they just walk off into the night. Even though there’s a burning mansion behind them nestled in this dense residential environment, none of the neighbors seem to care their front yards have just turned into Ground Zero. Not single house stirs, and our heroes are left to just shuffle down the street as if they were going walking this whole thing off and be alright. Mark saw a werewolf rip off Sir Wilfred's head. I don't think a glass of warm milk is going to erase that image from his mind. Also, there were still another couple dozen people that could be alive. It’s not too late to pull them from the wreckage. Oh, but it’s OK. You kids have had a rough night. Just go on home. It’s past curfew anyways. Fucking yuppie douchebags.

I don’t really know where to begin commenting about this film. There are so many errors and goof-ups in the making of this... it would really just take too much time to go through it all. I’ll just point out this one factor: the acting. By the worst - and most delightful - feature of the flick. The main characters look as though they were ripped off from the cast of the old Beverly Hills 90210 television show.

They act snobby and have no problem bossing around their butlers. I guess that’s why I don’t feel bad when two thirds of the cast get knocked off in the first half of the movie.

Well, can’t wait to catch the next film. I also can’t wait to see how Drew Barrymore found her way into a film series like this. Bruce Campbell, sure. But Drew? She was in E.T. and Altered States long before this film - already a well-established actress. OK, she’s around 18 or so by the time the sequel came out. Maybe she was going through her Lindsay Lohan faze and was desperate for work. I mean Labor Pains?

...Yeesh. Can’t tell me she thought that was going to be a solid career move.

Oh, I forgot to mention. The last scene of this atrocity we see a severed hand crawl out from under the rubble and scurry off into the dark. Yes. I can see the sequel coming. And it looks pathetic.