Rocky IV

Oh, alright. So this is where things get a tad absurd. I was waiting for the inevitable shark jump and, well, here it is. I knew I was in for a "treat" when the opening title sequence consisted of two metallic boxing gloves, one depicting an American flag and the other embroidered with the Soviet Union's, launching into one another via rocket propulsion and then exploding. This movie was plenty cool in its own right - the training montage was the greatest yet and the stakes for Rocky were ridiculously, ridiculously high this time around. In fact, Rocky's opponent in his fourth film adventure is more or less the entire Eastern Bloc. I guess I forgot that this movie's release (1985) came in the midst of an inherently anti-Communist era led by Ronnie "Papa Eagle" Reagan himself - of course Rocky's natural next move was to bring democracy to the Warsaw Pact by defeating a steroid-infused Dolph Lundgren in Russia and winning over all of Moscow in the process. On Christmas! It was only logical. Oh and by the way, Drago (Dolph Lundgren) has killed - literally killed - his last opponent in the ring. And without showing any remorse, no less. Anyway, if all of that's not over-the-top enough for you, don't worry - there's an equally cliche '80s bit involving a robot who helps take care of the Balboa household and family. It was shit like this that made Rocky IV feel like the campiest and most dated movie in the hexalogy. But damn, what a speech to end on. Onward to the fifth movie, or as several Rocky fans like to call it, the movie that never happened.