Juliet, Naked

This past fall, Ben Folds release a new album entitled Lonely Avenue. Not to delve too much into it, but the album sucked. Well, the music sucked. The lyrics, however, were... interesting. And why was this? Well, Mr. Folds tried out a little experiment on his newest album where he collaborated with a writer to construct the lyrics while he designed the music. The writer? Nick Hornby. Celebrated author with several of his novels already adapted to the big screen (High Fidelity, About a Boy) and an Academy Award nomination for his screenplay An Education. Anyways, despite Folds’ terrible album - seriously man, lay off the damn synthesizers - I was inspired to check out some of his writing after being delighted by his whimsical words. So what better place to start when exploring a new author then begin reading their newest work.

After finishing this novel, all I have to say is that I hope his earlier work can stand up a little better. Let me start by breaking down the premise. The story unfolds in two directions. On one hand we have this pathetic, unmarried British couple who have been together for 15 years pretty much because it was the path of least resistance for the both of them. The man, Duncan, is a community college professor who teaches some bullshit television studies class while pursuing his obsession over this washed-up, retired 80’s American rocker by writing countless blogs about him on his website. The woman, Annie, is a clerk at the local museum that sounds smaller and less impressive than even Westford’s. (Oh you haven’t been? Trust me, you’re not missing much.) So there’s their story, then there is the one about the washed-up American rocker - Tucker Crowe. Twenty years passed without a single song written, a handful of failed marriages, and a trove of forgotten kids, Crowe silently lives out his depressing life letting fans like Duncan spins tales and myths about his past, present, and future that are all more impressive than the truth of his life. Anyways, the story develops when Duncan gets his hands on an acoustic version of Crowe’s most acclaimed album, Juliet, appropriately titled - ah, you guessed it - Juliet, Naked. He thinks it’s the greatest thing ever. Annie disagrees and post on his website for the first time ever stating her opinion. Crowe, seemingly with nothing better to do, reads Annie’s post that this album is a piece of shit and decides to come out of seclusion and e-mails her. I don’t want to waste too much more time discussing this, but I’m sure you already see what’s coming. Duncan cheats on Annie with a fellow teacher. They break-up. Annie invites Tucker out to the good old UK where they finally meet and...

Well, if you’re really interested in finding out all the events that unfold in the ending you can pick up the book yourself. But to make things simple, none of the characters really change. Let me just break it down with some quick SPOILERS! It’s depressing really. Tucker has the chance to reunite and heal the relationships he has with all of his estranged children, but decides that boat has already sailed and gives up. Duncan and Annie never get back together, but Annie does manage to sleep with Tucker for one night where she pretends to use protection in the attempt to actually get knocked up. Does she? I don’t know, nothings really said on the matter. By the end though she comes to the conclusion that she’s going to move to the US - possibly. (On a side note: Like that would be a fucking good idea on her part. Is she going to show up on his doorstep and surprise him with another horrid child for him to ignore? That would set his depression so far over the edge I’m sure he would run to the nearest gun shop and blow his brains out.) I suppose the saddest part about the ending is the fact that Crowe never gets back to writing music. It’s only thing I wanted to happen. What a let down.

You know, when I think it over it wasn’t necessarily the ending that I found so unsatisfying. It was the fact that Hornby seemed to have crammed it all in within the last 50 pages or so. You have this long, extensive build-up, then BOOM! It’s over. Like trying to finish that term paper with only a few more minutes left before class, it’s rushed and fails to appease my hunger for a proper ending.

But, hey, you can judge it for yourself if you’re ever curious enough to read it.

I will say this though. This was my first stab at reading more “romantic” literature and - at times - it wasn’t all that bad. Somewhat introspective even, despite the bleak review. I think I’ll give Hornby one more go to see if he’s more successful in his earlier work.