Saw

Halloween is but a week away. What better time to start checking some horror movies off of my list than now? Let's start with Saw. I first saw this movie four years ago at a friend's birthday party. I was never a big fan of horror movies. In my mind, they were either really stupid or really frightening - where was the entertainment? All of this changed when I saw Saw. It's not so much a horror movie as it is a grotesque mystery of sorts. Everyone's familiar with the series by now, I'm sure, even if they've never seen any of the films. But if you're holding out on Saw because you're not a horror movie fan, take it from me: this is actually a pretty decent movie. It's been sullied by how shitty its sequels have been. (I've seen the second and third ones, and own the fourth. I'm sure I'll own the fifth and sixth as well before all is said and done. I just hope dearly that they don't make a seventh.) But while the latter movies became more and more grotesque and brutal (and less and less, well, good), the first movie stands the test of time. The acting is subpar (the main two characters are downright laughably bad) and the plot gets a bit too convoluted toward the end, but these flaws aside, the movie is suspenseful, intriguing, and surprising. After all, it's essentially just two men trapped in a room trying to solve a puzzle. What beats that, in terms of simplicity? Now, don't get me wrong; this is far from a perfect movie. Spoilers will follow, as I begin to gripe about some parts of the film. Ready? Good. First off, it's overtly stated that the Jigsaw Killer "is not a murderer, technically; instead, he finds ways to make his victims kill themselves." This is blatantly false! While he often (or even always) gives his victims a "way out," he places them in situations where if they do not escape from a certain confinement within a time limit, they will die. This is murder! Cut all the "he helped me appreciate being alive" bullshit, Saw; your antagonist, Jigsaw, is a ruthless murderer who likes to play games with his victims. In many situations, one victim must kill another in order to survive. Thus, not all of his "games" can even end with 100% survival amongst the participants. Come on! Now let's look at the most enduring scene of the film, at the end, when the blonde guy amputates his own leg with a hacksaw to be free of his chains. Seriously!? The hacksaw could have been used to saw through almost anything else - the chains, the pipes he was chained to, the padlock on the chains. Worst case, couldn't he have just sawed off his heel, allowing for the shackle to slip off his foot? I know it sucks, but it beats losing your entire foot. And I'm not buying the chains being capable of electrocuting their prisoners for a second. I won't bore you with the details, but there was no pathway for an electrical current to go through the bodies. Furthermore, the chains appeared to made from cast iron or some other heavy metal; such metals make or terrible electrical conductors. Aluminum and copper would work best for such purposes, but of course would be a cinch to saw through. Impossible! And was it just me, or was the brown-haired annoying guy way too calm after hearing that the blonde guy's mission was to kill him? And how about that part where the cops find Jigsaw's hideout and another victim-to-be? Not only is the Asian guy (Lost's Miles Straume, everybody!) barely capable of preventing the man's death when given twenty seconds to turn a key in a lock, but he never even bothers to free him from the device! Instead he runs off after Jigsaw, and once he runs into that shotgun tripwire, Danny Glover is the only man left who can still free the screaming victim. But he doesn't! He just hobbles off instead. I guess I could go on and on, but I don't really want to; the movie is enjoyable (if not feasible), and isn't that more or less all we wish for movies to be? As for the sequels, well, so begins my four-DVD journey downward into the depths of torture porn hell. More on them coming soon!