Amateur Night

I had Hulu open on my laptop while I was playing some SNES last night, and this very bad and very bland movie just started playing. The poster kind of says it all, believe it or not. Jason Biggs, a dweeb and a schlub, the "amateur" the title refers to, needs to make some real quick cash because his wife's thirty-six weeks pregnant and they have no health insurance. So he gets hired by a pimp (a "distributor") to drive a prostitute around for the night from job to job. Before very long there are two other hookers joining in and Jason Biggs is hand-washing a bag full of dildos and then Ashley Tisdale squirts lady cum all over him.

Okay, yeah, maybe the poster doesn't say it all. At all. But Jason Biggs' face on the poster certainly does.

I mean this is just a total piece of shit movie. It was apparently released last year. I had literally never heard of it - have any of you? And maybe the saddest thing about this movie is Jason Biggs. Do you remember like almost twenty years ago how he played awkward teen goober very well, the kind of guy who'd fuck a pie or superglue his hands to his dick? And here he is, in 2016, still playing the kind of guy who has to bumble around hand-washing a bag full of dildos and getting hooker cum all over himself.

I mean, just take a glance at the Jason Biggs filmography: (https://letterboxd.com/actor/jason-biggs/by/release-earliest/) Look at the posters. In Saving Silverman and Anything Else, he's being crushed or otherwise held down by a beautiful woman - just like in the poster above. In the Wedding Daze poster, hey, look, handcuffs - just like in the poster above! (Side note - I love how the Wedding Daze poster just straight up apes the typeface of the American Pie series. They're like, "fuck it, it's a Jason Biggs movie, you know what to do.")

So as I said - the poster says it all. Ugh, what a total piece of shit this was.