May 31, 2015

Jurassic Park III


So it's been a while (sorry). I was finally able to get Danielle to watch the finale of the Jurassic Park Trilogy in anticipation of Jurassic World. Anyway, if you haven't seen The Lost World and Jurassic Park III since you were a kid, you probably think The Lost World is the better film of the two. But, if you've watched them recently, you'll know that this is the better one. Yes, it has some stupid moments (Raptor talking in dream, kid somehow getting T-Rex pee, kid somehow not only surviving but thriving for 8 week, just the kid in general), but once you get past them, you find a fun little film. This greatly benefits from the return of Alan Grant (Sam Neill) as well as the awesome addition of William H. Macy. We find Grant still trying to put his professional life back together, trying to justify the existence of paleontologists now that John Hammond has brought Dinosaurs back to life. Unsurprisingly, he's finding it very hard to find funding so when William H. Macy's character offers him $$$ to be the tour guide on a fly-over tour of Isla Sorna, he's pretty much forced to say yes. Well, as you might've figured, that shit goes awry fast. They land on the island and all hell breaks loose. I honestly will never get sick of seeing dinosaurs on screen, and this movie does a great job in showing off a few new ones. The Ankylosaurus and Pteranodon are present along with the new BMFer Spinosaurus. Though the Spinosaurus is cool, I'd probably have preferred if they had stayed with the T-Rex. Either way, I could have done without the cheesy scene early on in the movie in which the Spinosaurus kills the T-Rex to prove its dominance. Anyway, this is a fun movie with great music and a great cast. Temper your expectations and there's no reason why you shouldn't give this a watch.

May 29, 2015

Brothers: A Tale of Two Sons


I beat this a few weeks ago. I loved it! And I had plenty to say. The only reason I waited before making a post was because I sort of made a post elsewhere on the game. With Sween! Remember him? Does anyone even read this blog anymore?

May 21, 2015

Sword of Sodan


Keith tried again, and this time, he succeeded. This is the worst Sega Genesis game I've played.

Here's a video in which I try to play it for the first time: http://gametimebro.com/2015/05/05/bro-down-sword-of-sodan/

Thank God for cheat codes.

Ecco: The Tides of Time
Ecco the Dolphin
Arrow Flash
Golden Axe
Alien Storm
Virtua Fighter 2
Fatal Labyrinth
Ecco Jr.
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Streets of Rage 3
Gain Ground
Streets of Rage 2
Golden Axe II
Kid Chameleon
DecapAttack
Comix Zone
Vectorman 2
Vectorman
ESWAT: City Under Siege
Streets of Rage
Chakan: The Forever Man
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Eternal Champions
Risky Woods
The Ooze
Jewel Master
Shadow Dancer
Columns III
Columns
Crack Down
Golden Axe III
Altered Beast
Bonanza Brothers
Sword of Sodan

May 9, 2015

Ecco Jr.


Big moment, guys. After finishing Ecco Jr., I've finally completed the entire library of games on my knock-off Sega Genesis.

That doesn't mean I'm done with the Genesis project yet. I've got two cartridges left, one of which came courtesy of Keith. (Dude, stop.) Keith has given me two Genesis gift-burdens now, and I have two more Genesis games in my backlog. Do the math, folks!

At any rate, Ecco Jr. was ridiculously easy. This makes sense, as it was meant for kids. But along with the difficulty, gone from the first two Ecco games was also the charming and absurd story. This game was simply about swimming through hoops and collecting your friends.

I did get to play as an orca. That was awesome.

Ecco: The Tides of Time
Ecco the Dolphin
Arrow Flash
Golden Axe
Alien Storm
Virtua Fighter 2
Fatal Labyrinth
Ecco Jr.
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Streets of Rage 3
Gain Ground
Streets of Rage 2
Golden Axe II
Kid Chameleon
DecapAttack
Comix Zone
Vectorman 2
Vectorman
ESWAT: City Under Siege
Streets of Rage
Chakan: The Forever Man
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Eternal Champions
Risky Woods
The Ooze
Jewel Master
Shadow Dancer
Columns III
Columns
Crack Down
Golden Axe III
Altered Beast
Bonanza Brothers

May 8, 2015

Stan's Movie Dump: April 2015

Again! Again!


Furious 7
Holy hell. Where to begin? The latest installment in the greatest action movie franchise of the century was preempted by the tragedy of Paul Walker's untimely death as producers scrambled in order to figure out a way to make the movie work. The result was a weird balance of callous efficiency (extensive use of CGI and body doubles to continue filming scenes with the Brian O'Conner character   in a post-Walker world) and heartfelt tribute (ending the movie on a touching dedication to Walker that all but broke the fourth wall and let the film itself acknowledge the reality of the loss). A cynical person would say that the movie cashed in on a tragedy, but really, what were they supposed to do? Ignore it entirely? Elsewhere in this one we had a standard contemporary action movie with big fights, fast cars, and ridiculous gimmicks and stunts. Several cars parachute out of a cargo plane, another car is drive out of the hundredth floor of one skyscraper and into the ninetieth floor of a second skyscraper, and two more cars are driven directly into one another - twice - as their drivers play the ballsiest game of chicken ever seen. The Rock flexes out of a cast. Vin Diesel collapses a parking garage by stomping on its upper deck. Jason Statham murders something like fifty people in order to break into a hospital. You know how it goes.


They Came Together
Here's a trope-laden romantic comedy spoof made by a bunch of funny people. It was easily worth the hour and a half I spent watching it, but it's such a simple satire that takes aim at such low-hanging fruit that it's hard to give They Came Together more than the slightest nod of approval. The whole thing feels like it was thrown together in a month or so. Don't get me wrong - it works - but it's difficult to rave about a movie like this one. All the same, I enjoyed it plenty, and it's worth checking out if you're looking for a quick and mindless comedy.


Annie Hall
Molestation controversy aside, I've just never been able to get into a Woody Allen movie.


Noah
Here's an interesting one where Darren Aronofsky tackles the biblical story of Noah and his ark. It felt like two separate movies entirely. The first half focused on Noah' attempts to keep his family safe from what appeared to be literally every other person on the planet. Noah was aided by giant stone golems who seemed like a cross between Autobots and Ents. He begins to build his ark and gather animals, and then the rains come, and everyone else is dead and gone. There was some typical Aronofsky weirdness here, mostly in the form of the giant stone golem Autobot Ents, but it wasn't a very exciting or thrilling movie. All of that changed in the second half, when Noah, convinced that God wants to see the human race wiped out, decides that none of his sons may ever father any children. Except, wouldn't you know it, Noah's daughter-in-law is already pregnant, with twins, right there on the ark. What follows is an intense family drama where Noah vows that if the children are girls, he's going to have to kill them. No one else on the ark is really on board with this idea, and yet they're all trapped there in the same ark, plotting and scheming and trying to figure out which of their family members it's best to try to kill. This was easily the better part of the movie, not just because it added depth and insanity to the characterization of Noah, but also because it left me legitimately wondering how the whole movie would end. I mean, would you put it past Aronofsky to completely rewrite the ending to the legendary story in favor of a darker, stranger, and generally different conclusion? All in all, this was a long and messy and not-so-great movie, but that final act pulled the whole ordeal upward and out of "total bust" territory.


Blackfish
Yikes. This was legitimately disturbing. Going in, I knew I was about to see a documentary about how fucked up SeaWorld is in all the inhumane things they do to their captive orcas. I was not prepared to see footage of orcas attacking trainers, or to see interviews with the family members of trainers who had been killed by captive whales. To even describe what's contained in Blackfish beyond that is to begin to "spoil" the experience of watching it, so I'll stop here. But, holy shit. Harrowing!


Don Jon
I'm still not sure what to make of this one. Joseph Gordon-Levitt plays a Jersey Shore stereotype who leads a very fulfilling life - with a catch! He's hopelessly addicted to Internet porn. Then Scarlett Johansson enters his life, infatuating him immediately. They begin to date exclusively - with a catch! She says he's not allowed to look at any Internet porn. What follows is a very R-rated romantic comedy of sorts. I'm just not sure it ever gets anywhere. JGL and Johansson are fantastic at playing over-the-top Jersey stereotypes, and you can tell they're having all kinds of fun. But the movie never really seems to come down one way or the other on whether or not it's okay for a guy in a relationship to watch porn. The movie never really explores what it would do to a man to masturbate several dozen times per week, and how that would affect his relationship. There's a rom-com lampshading effect in play, where Scarlett Johansson's character is hooked on romantic comedies while JGL dismisses them as bullshit fantasies, but the film never actually draws a direct line between what romantic comedies do for some women and what hardcore porn does for some men. This wasn't a bad movie, but I didn't walk away from it thinking it had explored its own material nearly as much as it could have.


Harmontown
After he was fired from running his own show, Community, in 2012, Dan Harmon began doing a regular podcast (called "Harmontown") which he likened to live therapy sessions. Harmontown, the movie, is a documentary about Harmon taking to the road for live recordings of his podcast. The result is something I can't imagine has much broad appeal, if any, but it's always nice to get a closer look at the minds behind your favorite TV shows, and that's exactly what this is. Limited appeal, but right in my wheelhouse. Check it out if Harmon's sense of humor is one that you enjoy.


Tiny Furniture
A lot of people can't stand Girls because they can't stand Lena Dunham. What I think they usually mean is that they can't stand the character she portrays, Hannah, a self-centered and sometimes malevolent person. I'm a fan of the show - or at least someone who's been watching from the start and hasn't bailed yet - but even I can't always tell how much Hannah is meant to be an extension of Lena Dunham and how much she's supposed to be more of a broad New York millennial stereotype. At any rate, I was pleasantly surprised by Tiny Furniture, the indie movie Dunham made that got HBO's attention in the first place. The general narrative is the same; a college graduate struggles to find a direction in life now that it's time to join the workforce. But at least for me, Dunham's character in this one - Aura - felt a lot tamer and more relatable. She's 22 and a lot more timid and quiet about her whole ordeal. Rather than living in New York while being supported by her parents from afar, like Hannah in Girls, she moves back in with her mother and sister (played by Dunham's real life mother and sister) and resumes hanging out with her best friend from childhood (Jemima Kirke, also in Girls). Aura is a far more tolerable character than Hannah, if anyone out there wants to give Lena Dunham another shot despite not liking her in Girls. (I'm not sure there's any intersection on that particular Venn diagram, but, hey.)

So long, until we meet again!

May 3, 2015

Risky Woods


"The Genesis project." It's a thing I've been doing for over a year now, ever since receiving a Chinese knock-off Sega Genesis pre-loaded with forty games for Christmas in 2013. Progress has followed more of a splurge-and-wait pattern than that of a steady trickle from a faucet, but it's been progress nonetheless. I was nearly finished, too, with just two games left as of a month ago.

Then Keith decided to fuck me over, for reasons I still can't understand.

Keith, my dear friend, the best man at my wedding, a man I've known and respected for half of my lifetime, decided that I deserved to suffer through more Sega Genesis content than I already have. He went to a used game store and asked the owner, "what is the very worst Sega Genesis game you have in stock?" And then Keith bought that game. And that game was Risky Woods. And Keith bought that game, and gave it to me, and demanded that I beat it.

I don't know why Keith did this to me. He seemed to take pleasure from my pain. This is new and uncharted territory in our relationship, and I worry that more curse-gifts may follow.

The joke's on Keith, though. (Sort of.) You see, it turns out, while Risky Woods was a bizarre and genuinely bad game, it was far, far, far from the worst game I've played on Sega Genesis.

Ecco: The Tides of Time
Ecco the Dolphin
Arrow Flash
Golden Axe
Alien Storm
Virtua Fighter 2
Fatal Labyrinth
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Streets of Rage 3
Gain Ground
Streets of Rage 2
Golden Axe II
Kid Chameleon
DecapAttack
Comix Zone
Vectorman 2
Vectorman
ESWAT: City Under Siege
Streets of Rage
Chakan: The Forever Man
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
Eternal Champions
Risky Woods
The Ooze
Jewel Master
Shadow Dancer
Columns III
Columns
Crack Down
Golden Axe III
Altered Beast
Bonanza Brothers

April 26, 2015

Stan's TV Dump: Winter 2015

If I can do these for movies, why not TV seasons? We'll see how long this schtick lasts. Here are some seasons of some television shows that I've watched since 2015 began. Most of them, of course, aired sometime during 2015. Some didn't. Intrigued? Read on!


Parks and Recreation: Season 7
NBC had no idea what to do with the final season of Parks and Recreation, electing to burn off the entire thirteen-episode run over a span of six weeks and expediting the process of retiring its last great comedy. Airing two episodes a night, the show had to bring everyone up to speed with its three-year time jump and then wrap everything up neatly in just a month and a half. It mostly succeeded. I won't pretend that the show went out on top, or even that it never struggled toward the end; one episode in particular, the fourth-to-last, focused on Andy's brief career as the creator and host of a local children's show, and it may have been my least favorite episode in the entire series run. But Parks and Recreation was - and always will be - one of my favorite comedies of all time. It will be sorely missed going forward.


Downton Abbey: Season 5
It's almost hard to remember how much of a pop culture sensation this show used to be. Years ago, we were collectively obsessed with the melodramatic class struggle, the Edwardian Era fashion, the quick wit of Dame Maggie Smith, and the will-they-or-won't-they tension between Mary and Matthew, Bates and Anna, and Daisy and being-anywhere-but-here. Somewhere around the third season, the luster was gone. Maybe it was Bates being on trial. Maybe it was the Great War being over. Maybe it was Mary and Matthew finally settling down. Regardless, Downton Abbey is an empty shell of what it once was, and it's almost a relief to hear that the upcoming sixth season will be the show's last.


Togetherness: Season 1
I thought that last year's FX comedy, Married, was a dark and honest look at what it is to be married in your late thirties and not necessarily happy. But then HBO doubled down on that concept with Togetherness, which is almost straight-up depressing in its portrayal of two people in the same situation, making Married look light-hearted and low stakes by comparison. ED and a lack of communication lead to terrible sex taking place front and center, and it's almost hard not to root for both husband and wife to find some happiness outside of their failing marriage. The show would be unwatchable if not for Amanda Peet and Steve Zissis developing their own little relationship with unlikely chemistry. I'm curious to see where this all goes in Season 2.


Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt: Season 1
Also known as the Tina Fey Netflix project, this was simple and fun and easy to binge watch. Kimmy Schmidt has been held in an underground bunker for ten or fifteen years or so by a ridiculous cult led by Jon Hamm. When she's rescued, she decides to make a new life for herself in New York. It's more or less the same New York from 30 Rock, full of vibrant characters and opportunities for a young woman stuck fifteen years in the past. Anyway, it all works. It's got Tina Fey's fingerprints all over it, and if you like her stuff like I do, you'd like this show.


Broad City: Season 2
Broad City on the other hand takes place in an entirely different New York. It's still vibrant and full of characters and opportunities for two young women to do things, but it's also much deeper and often shadier and weirder than Fey's New York. This is a New York with an elaborate underground knock-off purse black market, and with gay dog weddings, and where you can meet Kelly Ripa after a coat check mix-up or have a sudden impulsive lesbian experience with your own doppelgänger. Anyway, it's a cliche, but New York itself is indeed one of the most important "characters" in Broad City, a show that feels a lot like a sketch comedy version of Workaholics.


It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Season 10
Ten seasons? Ten seasons. Wow. Not much has changed for Always Sunny over the past decade, which feels like a strange accomplishment of sorts. The characters have many more layers of definition at this point, but they're still the same shallow people who bring misfortune upon everyone else they encounter. Season 10 was another mixed bag highlighted by an episode where the gang went on Family Feud and an episode that detailed through a series of elaborately choreographed long shots how Charlie keeps the bar running. Always Sunny has been renewed through at least its twelfth season, which would tie it with Two and a Half Men and My Three Sons as the longest-running non-animated sitcom in the history of American television. That's crazy!


Girls: Season 4
Are the four girls in Girls still largely detestable self-centered people? Yes, absolutely. But are they also all a little more mature and self-aware than they were when the series began four years ago? Yes, undeniably. So if this is a show about shitty twenty-somethings turning into slightly less-shitty twenty-somethings - a show about growing up, basically - then it's succeeding at advancing the various character arcs for these various young women. Your mileage may vary, but I still find it pretty funny fairly often. Most shows are grasping or struggling four years into their lifespans, but Girls has been admirably consistent from day one.


The Walking Dead: Season 5
I'd be hard pressed not to call the fifth season of The Walking Dead its greatest year yet. There was urgency and momentum, for one thing, and most of the major character deaths really hit home - a huge improvement from the days where I would openly root for half of Rick's crew to get killed by zombies. The season still dragged at times, and I'm sure they can tell these stories in twelve or thirteen episodes instead of sixteen, but, shit, if The Walking Dead is finally a good show on the whole, who am I to complain about a few dud episodes here and there?


Archer: Season 6
It'd be tough to call Archer stale, but after six seasons and a full circle premise reboot, it isn't exactly fresh, either. If witty banter, crisp animation, and insane characters are your thing, you'd likely find very little to dislike about Archer. The show continues to work and remains a consistently entertaining half hour that I often head for first during any given DVR backlog clean-out. There's little else to say, really, but Archer still has it.


Better Call Saul: Season 1
The long-awaited Breaking Bad spin-off was about as good as I could have hoped it'd be in its first season. It was slow at times, but then again, so was Breaking Bad. More than anything else, it was just nice to see the origin story of Saul Goodman, from his humble and largely pathetic beginnings as Jimmy McGill. And to a lesser extent, it was nice to learn more about Mike's background. This show will be hard-pressed to live up to Breaking Bad, but I don't think anybody really expects it to do so.


Workaholics: Season 5
On the one hand, Workaholics has kind of run out of things for its characters to say and do at this point. On the other, the fact that the sixth season hasn't yet been confirmed leaves me oddly worried about a possible lack of closure. Here's hoping for one last go-round with Blake, Adam, and Anders, even if it's totally unnecessary.


The Affair: Season 1
How's this for a concept? The Affair is about an extra-martial affair and its aftermath, told separately from the standpoints of the man and woman involved. It's a Rashomon-style TV show where the truth is unknowable. When viewers are asked to choose between his side and hers, it's unclear whether either one better represents what really happened. For the first half of its first season, The Affair moved very slowly but felt very deep and intelligent. Groundwork was laid for each of the two central characters, exploring their vices and their demons and their issues and circumstances. And then in the second half of the season, grace and subtlety flew out the window as all kinds of zany over-the-top plot points were introduced. I liked the show The Affair was at first, and I liked the show it became, but they were two very different shows.


Justified: Season 6
Justified called it quits after a pretty solid six-year run, a year earlier than most successful-enough shows would have. It enjoyed a very good final season that ended quietly and without a ton of tragedy or irony, the way a good novel does, which is a rarity in today's anti-hero-laden TV landscape. It was the ending the show deserved. Where Justified ranks among the best dramas of the decade is debatable, but even if this wasn't transcendent or revolutionary television, it was consistent and entertaining and, despite a dud season or two, it never jumped the shark and became a parody of itself. It was, in many ways, the exact opposite of its long-time FX counterpart Sons of Anarchy.


Silicon Valley: Season 1
I avoided this one for too long, as I'm not particularly familiar with much of the California tech bubble culture and I figured this show would be full of jokes I neither understood nor appreciated. My mistake! Silicon Valley is more a satire than a celebration of that very community, and one that anyone can get into. I should have trusted Mike Judge from the get-go! This is a good show. Not an uproariously funny show, but a great little HBO sitcom all the same.


The Americans: Season 3
Lastly, we come to The Americans, a show many have hailed the best thing currently on television. I'm a little hesitant to go that far, but, yes, this is a very good show. The third season upped the stakes for the Russian spies quite a bit, and also may or may not have left their identities exposed to some sensitive parties. The only problem with the season was that it didn't really end in any meaningful or satisfying way. There was a big cliffhanger, but none of the many individual threads from the season were wrapped up, instead left to dangle between now and Season 4. Come on, man!

That was lengthier and more difficult than I imagined it would be. Yeesh.

F-Zero


If Mario Kart: Super Circuit was a bit rough to play in 2015, this 1990 fast-paced futuristic racing game was nearly impossible. Gameplay consists of zipping around tracks at high speeds while avoiding hazards and obstacles. You've got a health bar that slowly depletes with every hazard you hit, and when it's empty, you simply explode. This means you can be way out in the lead during a five-lap race and lose it all during an unfortunate wipeout. Frustrating! There are no items or power-ups that make you faster or tougher, nor can you attack your AI opponents; this is simply a game where you need to memorize tracks and use quick reflexes to win races.

I didn't love it. It was nice to go back and visit, for the first time, the origin of the series that gave us Captain Falcon, but I never need to play F-Zero again.

April 22, 2015

Mario Kart: Super Circuit


Here's the third Mario Kart game, a 2001 release on the GameBoy Advance. Fourteen years later, I'm not so sure it holds up. The graphics look weak, inferior to the lower-quality original SNES game from 1992. I guess it was a big deal to be able to play Mario Kart on the go back in 2001, but playing it on the Wii U Virtual Console didn't quite provide the same level of satisfaction. The controls were even worse than the graphics; drafting and mini-boosting hadn't yet been implemented into Mario Kart - those would come with Double Dash!! - and instead the turning was just really harp and crisp. There were several tracks where I just needed to lay off the gas while making certain turns. I'm sure I wasn't racing optimally, but, whatever. All things considered, this is nothing anyone reading this needs to revisit. It really wasn't bad, but it's a dated and shoddy game.

April 21, 2015

Mario Party: Island Tour


There's not much to say here. Mario Party is obviously best experienced with multiple human beings. I'm sure that's an option on the 3DS, if you and four friends each have a copy of the game or whatever, but I was only able to enjoy this one solamente, amigos. That's really too bad, because this version of Mario Party had a number of distinct and unique boards - some where the goal was to reach the end first, some where the goal was to collect the most stars, and even one where the goal was to reach the goal last since Bowser was waiting at the end. There was a lot to like here - I just wish I could have liked it with a few friends.

Womp womp!