Big Brother. Big Brother! Ugh. The summer reality show I jumped into ten years in, out of curiosity, and just haven't been able to shake. I was so close this year, you guys. So close to saying, "no, fuck it, there have been maybe two or three good seasons of this show in the ten years I've been watching it, I will not blow another forty hours of my summer on this drivel."
But Sweeney pulled me back in after, like, two episodes. (And then he bailed with a month to go and left me with the proverbial bill! What a dick!) Anyway, heading into this season, with my tail between my legs, I made one promise to myself: that I would not grow overly invested in any of the castmembers this year, that I would treat the whole thing as television, as entertainment, and that I would not get mad or sad whatsoever about underdogs getting picked off and sent home or lazy alliances floating all the way to the end so long as they journey was full of characters and entertainment. And I think I succeeded at that for about two months, Here's the problem - part of the entertainment of this show is tied directly to how exciting the gameplay is and how inflammatory the house gets. When one man puppetmasters his way through the entire second half of the game, it's inherently boring. Never mind who should have won - it's boring wither way!
Showmances are boring. Happy-to-be-here pawns are boring! Betrayals and blindsides and confrontations are exciting, but then also, confrontations often just make everyone involved look awful. Which works for schadenfreude purposes, but doesn't really give me a compelling reason to keep watching a television show, you know? Rooting interests are inevitable, simply because you want "good TV characters" to stay in the house longer than shitty ones. (It seems like every single year, by the final weeks of the season, I am clamoring for more Jury House footage and less "houseguests are bored and so they jump out and scare each other from under the bedsheets six times a day" drivel.)
But Sweeney pulled me back in after, like, two episodes. (And then he bailed with a month to go and left me with the proverbial bill! What a dick!) Anyway, heading into this season, with my tail between my legs, I made one promise to myself: that I would not grow overly invested in any of the castmembers this year, that I would treat the whole thing as television, as entertainment, and that I would not get mad or sad whatsoever about underdogs getting picked off and sent home or lazy alliances floating all the way to the end so long as they journey was full of characters and entertainment. And I think I succeeded at that for about two months, Here's the problem - part of the entertainment of this show is tied directly to how exciting the gameplay is and how inflammatory the house gets. When one man puppetmasters his way through the entire second half of the game, it's inherently boring. Never mind who should have won - it's boring wither way!
Showmances are boring. Happy-to-be-here pawns are boring! Betrayals and blindsides and confrontations are exciting, but then also, confrontations often just make everyone involved look awful. Which works for schadenfreude purposes, but doesn't really give me a compelling reason to keep watching a television show, you know? Rooting interests are inevitable, simply because you want "good TV characters" to stay in the house longer than shitty ones. (It seems like every single year, by the final weeks of the season, I am clamoring for more Jury House footage and less "houseguests are bored and so they jump out and scare each other from under the bedsheets six times a day" drivel.)
With all this in mind, let's rank who made for good TV and bad TV in Season 19 of Big Brother. No, wait, let's go beyond that and score each contestant on three axes - good/bad player, good/bad person, good/bad television character. An example of a triple "good" is Dan, the guy who won that one season and came in second in another. An example of a triple "bad" is that soccer asshole from last season, Paulie, who spent his summer crying and demeaning women.
Player/Person/TV Character:
Josh - Good/Neutral/Good - At one point I said of Josh, "this guy's got Week 4 exit written all over him." At another I think I called him human garbage. And yet by the end I was rooting for him. (Goddammit, this show sucks.) Tough not to credit the winner with playing a "good" game, and so I did, but holy shit, this guy did nothing but paint targets on himself from the outset and pick fights with people when they were down. Oof!
Paul - Good/Bad/Neutral - For what it's worth, last season's Paul is Neutral/Neutral/Good. Own your game, bro! Embrace your vet-status villainy!
Christmas - Neutral/Neutral/Bad - An early favorite of mine, but she turned into a real asshole somewhere in the middle of the show and never really did anything game-wise to make for compelling television. Props for competing on the broken foot, and I want to see her come back for another season in a year or two when she's healthy. (You know, if CBS insists on bringing back veterans year after year.) You can tell she came in attempting to be a combination of competition beats and social game master (mistress?) but that once the foot broke it all went to shit for her and she struggled to play a more passive, understated game.
Kevin - Bad/Good/Neutral - This year's token "old man" at, like, fifty. We've seen sadder competitive performances, but not many. Bumping him up from "neutral" person to "good" just because he was always such a gentleman on the live shows. But, bumping him down from "good" TV to "neutral" because the "shady Italian guy from Boston" archetype isn't exactly fresh material and he never made one game move of any kind besides taking a quick twenty-five thousand dollars and blaming someone else right off the bat.
Alex - Neutral/Bad/Neutral - It's funny because she had at least three huge fuck-ups, one time just completely blanking on live television and voting to evict the wrong person (then lying about it), and another time running into a room to bitch about Mark while he was sitting in the same room, and a third time chewing out someone who misinformed her, with the best of intentions, that another contestant had made racially disparaging remarks. She lied, poorly, to deflect blame for both situations, and I think it worked? She also fell hook, line, and sinker for Paul's ruses. Impossible to call her a good player, even if she won a few competitions. Also hard to see her as anything more than a bad person, picking fights and covering her ass. She also hit Jason, like, all the time. And like, hard. Don't do that, Alex. He's married. And also a person.
Kevin - Bad/Good/Neutral - This year's token "old man" at, like, fifty. We've seen sadder competitive performances, but not many. Bumping him up from "neutral" person to "good" just because he was always such a gentleman on the live shows. But, bumping him down from "good" TV to "neutral" because the "shady Italian guy from Boston" archetype isn't exactly fresh material and he never made one game move of any kind besides taking a quick twenty-five thousand dollars and blaming someone else right off the bat.
Alex - Neutral/Bad/Neutral - It's funny because she had at least three huge fuck-ups, one time just completely blanking on live television and voting to evict the wrong person (then lying about it), and another time running into a room to bitch about Mark while he was sitting in the same room, and a third time chewing out someone who misinformed her, with the best of intentions, that another contestant had made racially disparaging remarks. She lied, poorly, to deflect blame for both situations, and I think it worked? She also fell hook, line, and sinker for Paul's ruses. Impossible to call her a good player, even if she won a few competitions. Also hard to see her as anything more than a bad person, picking fights and covering her ass. She also hit Jason, like, all the time. And like, hard. Don't do that, Alex. He's married. And also a person.
Raven - Bad/Neutral/Good - Imagine if two-time player Rachel were: one-tenth the player she was and one-tenth as hotheaded, but just as crazy and grating and a little more "tiny and cute" and, oh yeah, like a thousand times less comprehensible. That's Raven! Only thing keeping me from giving her "bad" on the person axis is that she's living life to the fullest despite being under the impression that she'll die young from gastroparesis. She was a good character in the sense that she was an absolute space cadet who, right up to and through her time in the Jury House, felt that she'd been both the mastermind in the house and beloved by America, neither of which could have been further from the truth. Bring her back, CBS! I want more Ravens, not more Victorias!
Jason - Neutral/Neutral/Good - I'm a sucker for a 6'8" rodeo clown just yippin' and hollerin' and cowboy-hattin' all over the house, even if there was nothing else to this dumb motherfucker. I liked him!
Matt - Bad/Neutral/Bad - Tempted to go for the triple bad here, I mean, what an all-around zero. But "bad person" should be reserved for bullies and assholes and manipulators and schemers, and Matt wasn't any of those things. He was just a cereal-humping void.
Matt - Bad/Neutral/Bad - Tempted to go for the triple bad here, I mean, what an all-around zero. But "bad person" should be reserved for bullies and assholes and manipulators and schemers, and Matt wasn't any of those things. He was just a cereal-humping void.
Mark - Neutral/Good/Good - As Marissa's coworker said, "he's such a beautiful crier." Mark's a former fat kid who lost his parents at a young age and built himself into a Rob Gronkowski clone. He just wanted to be friends with everyone in the dang house, but couldn't win enough competitions to stay there past the midway point. The ultimate anti-bully. Seems like a genuinely good dude - and so few of these people do!
Elena - Neutral/Neutral/Neutral - Wanted to give her "good" on the character front, but all of her highlights came in the Jury House. She didn't really do much in the regular house. Which is fine! But now we're starting to hit those "forgettable" types.
Cody - Bad/Bad/Good - An unapologetic asshole with an absolute trash social game. Mocked "trannies" in the house and stands by it today. Never said a word to anyone if he could help it. America's Favorite Player. It all somehow makes sense! I'd watch this asshole get booted in three weeks every single season if CBS would let me. I really would.
Jessica - Neutral/Bad/Neutral - As someone who isn't Marissa's coworker said, "she strikes me as someone who's been hot her whole life and never had to develop a personality or a sense of humor." Spot on. Cody brought out the absolute worst in her, which was great, because she spent literally all of her time in the house with him when he was around. When he wasn't, she at least started forming a social game. But then he came back! And her ship sailed, predictably.
Ramses - Neutral/Neutral/Bad - The token "small young gay superfan of color" whose whole gimmick is how impressed and in over his head he is. I think Ramses probably could have been a good person, but he was gone before we ever really found out. He was a bad character not because he was grating, but because his every expression and reaction seemed to come out of a box labeled "character tropes: small young gay superfan of color."
Dominique - Neutral/Neutral/Bad - She was able to sniff out what Paul was up to, but her social game sucked so bad she couldn't convey it to the rest of the house without making herself an easy target. And I'm sorry, but the "devoutly religious woman of color who says things like 'only God can judge me' " is, to be blunt, also played out as all hell.
Jillian - Bad/Neutral/Bad - This year's "total bore who you know was way into Greek life." Glad she was gone early, because she was bringing all kinds of nothing to the table. No offense!
Megan - Bad/Good/Neutral - When an assault survivor who served as military police gets PTSD and bails on the house on the second day, you have to feel for her. You also have to wonder what the fuck CBS thought would happen.
Cameron - Neutral/Neutral/Neutral - Day one exit, very little impact. Seemed like a "whiny nerd" type who could have won it all like Steve or Ian before him. Guess we'll never know!
The only thing I regret missing after skipping the back half of the season was Josh's redemption tour. When I quit on this season, he was the biggest bully in the house, just being horrendous to anyone who was on their way out. Not only that, he was Paul's biggest shield, just getting completely played by him and not making any notable moves of his own. How the hell did Josh end up winning this thing and come out looking okay?! I will never know.
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