Jewel Master

Have we hit rock bottom? Take a gander.

This is a game where you equip rings and they shoot fire and ice and shit at the baddies. I realize this isn't all that different from casting lightning spells in God of War or conjuring up wind gusts in any JRPG, but like, holy shit, the only thing you're even doing in Jewel Master is pointing your rings at enemies. Look at how cumbersome the movement is. Look at how repetitive the levels and enemies are. Why is this guy as jacked as he is? He's fighting with jewelery and nothing more. None of this makes a lick of sense.

Sweet music, though. And there's enough graphical prowess here to allow trees to look like trees and the ground to look like the ground. So no, we didn't quite hit rock bottom here. But it was close!

Ecco: The Tides of Time
Ecco the Dolphin
Arrow Flash
Golden Axe
Alien Storm
Virtua Fighter 2
Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Master
Streets of Rage 3
Gain Ground
Streets of Rage 2
Golden Axe II
Kid Chameleon
DecapAttack
Comix Zone
Vectorman 2
Vectorman
Streets of Rage
Chakan: The Forever Man
Alex Kidd in the Enchanted Castle
The Ooze
Jewel Master
Columns III
Columns
Crack Down
Golden Axe III
Altered Beast
Bonanza Brothers