Feel the Magic: XY/XX

Imagine a zany and nutty Japanese performance group that dresses up as rabbits and does all sorts of zany and nutty activities. Now insert a love interest, and presto, you've got Feel the Magic. I found this game at T.J. Maxx, of all places, for the low price of $9.99. I thought nothing of it, but a friend I was with told me that the game was both rare and enjoyable. Once I got him to confirm that it was short (and it was - unless you consider two hours to be a long time), I went ahead with the impulse buy. I'm glad I did it. This game is absolutely ridiculous. It's nonsensical to the extreme, but doesn't pretend it isn't. I'm struggling to describe it. I mean, just look at the cover and title. And it gets even more perverse; in other regions, the game was released as Project Rub. So just what the hell is it? It starts with a man (you) walking around, when all of a sudden you bump into another man and some goldfish one of you was carrying end up getting swallowed. Level 1 consists of rubbing the stylus in upward strokes to coax the goldfish back up the man's esophagus. As they exit, a vomiting noise occurs and rainbows appear. Once they're out, a group called the "Rub Rabbits" asks you to join their crew. What they do is never, ever explained, even in the least. But whatever it is includes chasing helicopters with unicycles, blowing out gigantic candles, and rescuing people from antlions. A girl appears, and our blue-bearded protagonist must win her affections. At first this is done mostly through absurd street performances. But things start to get a little hot when sometime around Level 4 or so, the girl is covered in mud and asks you to wipe it off of her skin. But you must do so gently! Rub the stylus too hard, and she begins to shy away. Rub it on her delicate areas, and boy are you in trouble. Eventually, through a series of levels, our hero asks the girl out on a date, takes her out on said date, and even gets a kiss from her. They laugh, dance, and even spend some time on a deserted island together. But suddenly, a kidnapping! Egads! The whole thing turns into a textbook "Princess Peach has been taken away" situation and the final few levels are spent entering the big bad guy's lair and rescuing your girl. Like, even from death, with CPR. And that's the game, plot and all, in a nutshell. I'm amazed I could follow it that coherently. It's easily the weirdest game I have ever played, but then, that's what I was hoping for and expecting. It's also important to point out that despite having a plot that is absurd as can be, the gameplay itself never suffers. It's just a series of 20 or 30 short minigames and nothing more. I'm happy my friend made the recommendation, because even given every game ever made and a million years to play them all, I don't think I ever would have touched this one. Do I feel a little bit perverted and sad having spent a few minutes rubbing and caressing a 2D digital woman with a toothpick-sized stick? Definitely. But it's not nearly as bad as it sounds. Now, back to Scribblenauts, where the extent of perversion is up to the player. Is it immoral to feed babies to alligators or give landmines to trick-or-treaters? You be the judge, because I sure won't be.