Lion

So, I just finished talking about how genuine and confident and straightforward and earnest Moonlight was. (I may not have used all of those words, exactly, but you know what I mean.) At the very least I'm pretty sure I described it as "not Oscar bait."

Lion, on the other hand - which I liked! - was a great, big heap of Oscar bait. You know what? It's been a while since we played a good old game of Bingo here - let's whip out a prestige drama Oscar bait card and have a go, shall we? (I'm not going to spoil anything that watching the Oscars won't spoil; even if you haven't seen Lion, you already know everything about it. Which doesn't mean it isn't worth watching! But yeah.)

Time-jump: Yes - several small ones, but the big one is twenty years.

Sad eating / food: Maybe - a particular street vendor's dish gives Saroo flashbacks that inspire him to go back to India in order to find his biological mother. But is this fundamentally "sad?" It's emotional food, for sure.

Overt racism: Maybe - is it racism if one Indian-Australian trolls another for being from a poor and shitty part of India? Or is that purely classism?

Divorce: No - in real life Saroo's father left when he was very young, but that doesn't mean it was technically a divorce. Were his parents ever even marries? And it isn't mentioned in the film either way; Sharoo just starts out here with a mother and no father.

Self-destructive behavior: Yes - Saroo's adopted brother's one defining characteristic is "smashes his own head repeatedly." A distant second is "hates his mom."

Time-jump epilogue: No - plenty of time jumps, but not at the end.

Funeral or wake: Yes - early on, Saroo witnesses a funeral procession in Calcutta. It's just sort of there for no reason, but the camera does linger on the body long enough for us to see it's a young boy.

Prologue: No - we jump right in.

Drugs: No - I don't think so, at least. Have I forgotten about any?

Epilogue text: Yes - oh hell yeah, like, three screens' worth.

Sitting alone at bar: No - again, I don't think so. As with drugs, please, correct me if I'm wrong.

Woman used as motivation: Yes - a big fat yes, in fact. Rooney Mara is in this movie for the sole purpose of encouraging and inspiring Sharoo.

Amy Adams or Jessica Chastain: Maybe - look, it's a no, but do you know who's here instead? Nicole Kidman. And she's a redhead. And the movie takes place largely in Australia. Tell me redhead Nicole Kidman isn't Australian Amy Adams...

Staring at own reflection: Maybe - can't remember this specifically, so this is likely a no, but at the same time I feel like this had to have happened at some point.

Tragic death of a spouse: No - no dead wives or dead husbands!

Sad cigarette: No - didn't notice one, at least.

Confession: Yes - Sharoo regretfully tells his adoptive parents that he's looking for his biological mother because Rooney Mara decides that he needs to do so.

A character is inspired: Yes - that's like the whole point of the third act. Have you not been listening?

Overt sexism: No - I can't go that far. "Overt" doesn't just mean that the movie punts Rooney to the curb for the third act and never succeeds in making her a character in the first place. No, overt means misogyny. None here.

A single tear: Yes - during and after the most emotional Google Earth search you've ever seen.

Dramatic rain: Yes - all over poor lost young Sharoo, who misses his family. Sorry little guy!

Staged removal of glasses: No - I don't even think anyone in the movie wears glasses.

Flashback to happier times: Yes - throughout the third act as Sharoo's childhood keeps flashing back to him.

Single parent: Yes - see "Divorce" above.

Let's see... do we have a Bingo?

Oh hell yeah we do. Top left to bottom right, all on pure hits without any maybes.

Eh, whatever. I'd still give Lion four stars out of five.