South Park: The Stick of Truth

Listen, we all love South Park, but at first glance this game looks like another cheap adaptation to a series that likely doesn't lend itself well to the video game industry. Sure, these knock-off games make money, but I can't recall many that measure up beyond their movie or television show counterparts. (Aside from the Enter the Matrix game. That shit was bananas!) These games typically seem glitchy, rushed, and otherwise stale. I don't remember anyone clamoring for those Harry Potter or Transformers franchise games, yet it feels at least three were made for every movie. Point is I wouldn't have never touched this game normally, but I heard from a lot of people that they actually liked it. So, I gave it a shot.

At first glance, this game falls right into my predictions. Being that it's a turn-based RPG, as soon as you begin the tutorials, you get the feeling that the game hasn't been tested well. Feels a little glitchy, battlescreen interface is a bit lacking/confusing, and (what will become even clearer later on) the game is extremely easy. However, you forget all of these problems almost immediately because the game is just so damn clever and funny. First off, with the amount of cut-away scenes, the game feels like three TV episodes stapled together -- already the game should be worthwhile to any South Park fan. Aside from the cut-away scenes, there are so many clever points where you can clearly see Trey Parker and Matt Stone's humor riffing on video games. When you choose what race your main character will be, your options are Knight, Thief, Mage, or Jew (with Cartman likely harassing you if you pick jew -- I don't know, I picked thief). Then there's the main villains: Nazi Zombies! Unlike Call of Duty's zombies, when you become infected in South Park you just start screaming out old recordings of Hitler (and as always with South Park, it's way too silly to be taken seriously -- there's even Nazi Zombie aborted fetuses!). Then there's boss fights in the craziest places: shrunken down you fight a gnome on your parents' bed while they're having sex forcing you to dodge any flying testicles that come your way (spoiler: the game will force you to fail); you venture into Canada where everything all of a sudden becomes 8-bit graphics looking like the first Final Fantasy; and you'll have to venture up Mr. Slave's ass (like Lemmiwinks) to disarm a snuke. There's so much more awesome randomness, I could ramble on it all day.

Along with the game's downsides, this one really bothered me. As you battle your way through the game, you collect a SHIT TON of items. Seriously, you never stop picking up crap. And I mean CRAP. Yes, there are items for health and there's equipment to help level up your character in fights, but then there's just random bullshit everywhere that does nothing. Chicken bones, lost socks, tampons, bottle caps... the list goes on and on. And since there doesn't seem to be a limit on the amount of random crap (different from health items) you can carry, you just start hoarding them all. I kept thinking that at some point in the game this stuff would come to use, but... nope. Nothing. Maybe you could sell it off, but I never tried because the game was so easy I was never in need for any money while still being able to buy up any weapon I wanted in the stores. So, who fucking knows why this game had me picking up hundreds and hundreds of random, useless items. 

All that aside, what this game is... is entertaining. 

It's basically the TV show just made interactive. Yeah, the game side of things isn't too challenging or rewarding, but that's not why you keep playing through. You keep playing because you want to see how much crazier the story is going to get... and this is a story that just gets better and better as you work your way towards the end.