BAILS:
Sense8: Season 2
This just wasn't ever for me. Loved the idea here - eight people around the world are connected in a vague way and can swap places with each other in moments of crisis, almost like a good Heroes concept. But something about the execution just never landed. I loved, or at least liked, most of the characters, but what's the overarching plot here? I could have kept going with Sense8, but it was always a Marissa show and she wasn't exactly pushing for it, you know? Two episodes into Season 2 was as good a point as any for me to quietly call it a wrap on my end.
FAILS:
Great News
This wasn't awful, but God, who has the time or patience to stick around and wait for big network sitcoms to figure their shit out anymore? Parks and Recreation had a rough first season, the American Office had a rough first season - it's true, network sitcoms rarely impress at first. But with the rise of all these singular-vision six-to-ten-episode prestige half-hour shows on streaming and cable channels, what exactly is appealing about this, and to whom? John Michael Higgins? Horatio Sanz? Nicole Richie? And it's produced by Robert Carlock and Tina Fey? Really, who is this for? Thirty-three-year-old women who miss 30 Rock? Sixty-seven-year-old men making the daring trip over from CBS? I mean, no harm no foul and all, it's not like I'm rooting for this thing to fail. I just can't imagine NBC thought it would be even a modestly successful show.
The Mist
Ugh. Great novella, arguably an even better movie, and still I knew from the get-go that this TV adaption would suck some major ass. And boy, did it ever! What made The Mist work so well in book and movie form was that it stuck a bunch of people in a grocery store and surrounded it with horrifying Lovecraftian monsters. Yes, the people ultimately turned on each other, because Stephen King loves nothing more than to explore the dark side of human nature. But either way, there was tension galore and an understanding that each and every one of these people could (and probably would) meet a grizzly end in short manner. The Mist was never going to be a good TV show. It's just not meant to be stretched out into a weeks-long event, it doesn't need an ensemble cast of heroes. But damn, this Spike adaptation was just every bit as bad as the CBS Under the Dome series that somehow lasted for three years and for all the same reasons - shitty acting, watering down some very raw and potent source material, unnecessary secondary plots, you name it. A predictable mess!
Gravity Falls
This wasn't bad. I jumped on into it after how much I enjoyed Steven Universe and Over the Garden Wall - why not give another kid-friendly but well-reviewed series a shot? This one's from Disney, and it's about two kids at a surreal and supernatural summer camp. (Kristen Schaal voices the girl because Kristen Schaal is required by law to be in at least one out of every five shows on television.) And listen - again - not bad! Nothing wrong with it. It just felt a little more, uh, kid-oriented than something I feel any need to devote twenty hours of my time to. Sorry! Still haven't given up on Adventure Time, though...
I Love Dick
Certainly not the show with the most buzz, but the buzz it had was pretty good, all the same. I wanted to love it and expected to at least like it, but alas, I just couldn't get into it! Would have made for a quick and easy finish, too, what with just the eight or ten episodes or whatever it was, and all of them half an hour. Nope - sorry! It just didn't click for me. I'm glad so many other people liked it, though.
American Gods
Not all fails - and not all bails - come from complete disinterest in a show. Some of them come from more of a combination of slight disinterest and viewing difficulty. Something on basic cable that's always on demand is a really easy thing to catch up on; something streaming, even better - when you already pay for the streaming service. But American Gods? That shit's on Starz, and really, who the hell is paying for Starz? And why? Starz is the channel you barely notice when your cable provider gives it to you for free for three months. The thing is, though - we would have probably paid for a month of Starz in order to catch the rest of American Gods if the first episode had been anything more than an occasionally interesting clusterfuck. The lone scene in the episode that had me interested in the show whatsoever was a fairly graphic sex scene, not because of the sex itself but because of the way the room was lit and the way the scene was scored and more than anything the weird way it ended. Otherwise? Meh. Too many hour-longs out there as it is, and after stumbling my way through Twin Peaks I don't feel any need to delve back into whatever the hell this was. Still have the book, though, and I still plan to read it, too! One day.
The Defenders
Marissa and I didn't even bother with Iron Fist, but figured we'd give this a shot. We lasted something like one and a quarter episodes before turning it off for good, just not giving a shit whatsoever. Even at a mere eight episodes, I had no interest at all in plowing through another season of Marvel on Netflix. Life's too short! There's too much other, better television! Who has the time? And so forth and so on. (Even Trevor seemed non-impressed by this one. That right there's the only vote of confidence I need for this bail!)
The Tick
I had no real interest in this one, but when I saw that it was only six episodes I figured I could give it a try. I quit after just one episode. I wasn't into it at all. Nothing wrong with a superhero spoof, but I just expected something more fun than this thing. Trev tells me the early 2000s version from Fox is much better. Maybe I'll check that out one day! This one? Nah, never again.
I Love Dick
Certainly not the show with the most buzz, but the buzz it had was pretty good, all the same. I wanted to love it and expected to at least like it, but alas, I just couldn't get into it! Would have made for a quick and easy finish, too, what with just the eight or ten episodes or whatever it was, and all of them half an hour. Nope - sorry! It just didn't click for me. I'm glad so many other people liked it, though.
American Gods
Not all fails - and not all bails - come from complete disinterest in a show. Some of them come from more of a combination of slight disinterest and viewing difficulty. Something on basic cable that's always on demand is a really easy thing to catch up on; something streaming, even better - when you already pay for the streaming service. But American Gods? That shit's on Starz, and really, who the hell is paying for Starz? And why? Starz is the channel you barely notice when your cable provider gives it to you for free for three months. The thing is, though - we would have probably paid for a month of Starz in order to catch the rest of American Gods if the first episode had been anything more than an occasionally interesting clusterfuck. The lone scene in the episode that had me interested in the show whatsoever was a fairly graphic sex scene, not because of the sex itself but because of the way the room was lit and the way the scene was scored and more than anything the weird way it ended. Otherwise? Meh. Too many hour-longs out there as it is, and after stumbling my way through Twin Peaks I don't feel any need to delve back into whatever the hell this was. Still have the book, though, and I still plan to read it, too! One day.
The Defenders
Marissa and I didn't even bother with Iron Fist, but figured we'd give this a shot. We lasted something like one and a quarter episodes before turning it off for good, just not giving a shit whatsoever. Even at a mere eight episodes, I had no interest at all in plowing through another season of Marvel on Netflix. Life's too short! There's too much other, better television! Who has the time? And so forth and so on. (Even Trevor seemed non-impressed by this one. That right there's the only vote of confidence I need for this bail!)
The Tick
I had no real interest in this one, but when I saw that it was only six episodes I figured I could give it a try. I quit after just one episode. I wasn't into it at all. Nothing wrong with a superhero spoof, but I just expected something more fun than this thing. Trev tells me the early 2000s version from Fox is much better. Maybe I'll check that out one day! This one? Nah, never again.
TALES:
The Great British Baking Show S7 E3: "Bread Week"
This is such a goddamn delight. It's more calming and soothing than any reality TV show or competition TV show out there. Just a bunch of British people being self-deprecating about their work while they bake delicious looking food. You watch this show, and you learn - actually learn - about baking techniques. Who goes home every week feels largely like a secondary concern to how much everyone has learned and can teach about the proper way to make a cream pie. It's soothing, not stressful. Contrast that to...
MasterChef S8 E6: "Silenced by the Lambs"; S8 E12: "In a Pinch"; S8 E13: "Gordon's Game of Chicken"; S8 E20: "Finale"
Ugh. I watched two or three seasons of this show and only ever felt stressed and manipulated when doing so. The editing here is miserable, with judges pausing mid-sentence dramatically a dozen times per episode. "This tastes..." [reaction shots, musical cues, commercial break, return, repeat sentence] "This tastes... delicious!" [music changes from war drums and dramatic fanfare to relieving, triumphant strain]. Everyone seems stressed and angry, rivalries between the contestants are played up as much as friendships. The judges dramatically spit out food and remorselessly shame its creators - the whole thing's just messy competition television that feels less and less necessary by the season. Marissa still watches it, so I still catch it now and again, but damn.
Beat Shazam S1 E8: "Episode Eight"
"Name that song based on three to five seconds of audio!" It's the game we've all played before - hell, I think VH1 or MTV had a show based on it twenty years ago. And now it's a summertime sensation! (Sensation in this case means that it was pulling numbers just shy of Big Bang Theory reruns.)
Grey's Anatomy S14 E1: "Break Down the House"; S14 E2: "Get Off on the Pain"
Yeah, I've seen a handful of Grey's Anatomy episodes over the years. Hashtag, "blame the wife." Holy shit, when's this show going to end? They've already killed off McSteamy and McDreamy. Yes, killed - not written off, but straight up killed! Oh, and every single character is related now in some giant family tree of affairs and divorces and secret babies and such. I don't even have anything of substance to say here. Kudos to Ellen Pompeo for making an entire career out of playing one character, I guess.
The Mick S2 E1: "The Hotel"
Y'all might recognize The Mick from my first TV Dump of the year. I bailed after two episodes. Well, you know what they say - comedies, and in particular broadcast network comedies, often need a handful of episodes, or maybe even a whole season, to find themselves. Well, I went ahead and watched the Season 2 premiere. And... nope! It's just not a good show! It's a fine show, nothing special, and I'm happy enough for Kaitlin Olson, but seriously - what's the appeal here? It's just a broadcast-friendly version of any of the umpteen Comedy Central shows about delayed-onset adulthood. Who out there, with this much to watch on television, is clamoring for The Mick?
And, wow, okay, let's call that a wrap on summer television. It's October after all.
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