Modern Family: Season 1

The 2009-2010 freshman class of television shows was loaded with a number of great comedies and this show was deservedly its poster child. Whenever the masses at large are raving about something being funny, I tend to become a bit of a comedy snob and turn up my nose at the content in question without even giving it the benefit of the doubt. I scoffed at The Office for two seasons before giving it a shot in college, and it turned out to be - at one point, I must stress - the funniest show on network television. I never wanted to give 30 Rock a fighting chance, but I jumped aboard last season just to bridge the gap between The Office and Always Sunny and haven't looked back ever since. My point is that I can be overly judgmental in a very premature way when it comes to popular comedies. But I know this, and I'm trying to work on it. So, last Wednesday when the second season of Modern Family began, I gave it a shot. Did I love it like the nation at large seems to? You tell me. On Saturday I bought the first season on DVD and here I am just five days later posting about the 24 episodes I haven't been able to get enough of lately. (Side note: I need to take a moment to respond to certain complaints and accusations another blogger has made regarding the pace at which I expect her to watch sitcom seasons. They're fucking sitcoms! Episodes are twenty minutes in length - you can watch a full 24-episode season of a sitcom in eight hours flat. Two weeks is plenty of time to get in eight hours of DVD watching! The only thing unreasonable is falling asleep after two episodes - forty minutes, mind you - and whining about the frustration I express at this.) Anyway, let me finally cut to the chase and describe Modern Family. It seems generic and forced to call anything a blend of two other things, but seriously, this feels like The Office with a slight Arrested Development feel. The characters are memorable and the writing is fantastic. It has a very Seinfeld-like ability to wrap episodes up with call backs to irrelevant details from earlier in the episode. There are even a few long-running gags, but I must give credit to the show for not thriving on "inside" jokes. For Arrested Development, those were both a tremendous strength and a newcomer-alienating folly. Modern Family isn't perfect; at times the jokes are obvious and every now and again a heartwarming voice over feels a little too sappy. But the biggest fault I've had with the show so far is a technical one. Like so many new era single-camera comedies, it's presented in a mockumentary format, complete with talking head interviews and blank stares into the camera. That's fine (if at least a bit tired by now), but why? What makes this family worth filming 24/7 and why is it never addressed? Furthermore, how are certain "scenes" acquired? For example, at one point, Luke (the non-Hispanic boy) crawls into a tight area underneath his house and becomes stuck. But the next shot is taken from even deeper within the crawlspace. In mockumentaries, the camera crew is part of the physical universe contained within the show, and this is evidenced every time a character looks into the camera. Are we to presume that a grown cameraman with all of his equipment went into the crawlspace before Luke did? And furthermore, without getting stuck? And that there's somehow enough light down there for adequate footage? I know I'm nitpicking, but you really need to do that in order to find anything flawed with this show. And that's a good thing! I mean, if cameraman logic is your biggest issue, you must be doing a hell of a job in all other aspects. I certainly and heavily recommend Modern Family to anyone looking for something decent on Wednesday nights. It's even a pretty easy show to jump right into, so don't worry about catching up or anything; you'll enjoy it just as much no matter what your level of familiarity is. And on that note, let's all pour one out one more time for Arrested Development.

True Blood: Season 2

I don't hate logging at all! Steve just accused me of hating logging. How dare he! I am just not your conventional blogger. Jeezums.

This is the best of the three things I just blogged! Yay True Blood. Thoroughly entertaining and very well produced show. Seriously effin crazy though.

Spoiler Alert!
There are two major plot points of this season. One! A super old vampire gets "kidnapped" by mean people who think vampires are bad and sacrificing them is good. Meanwhile, Sooki's bro Jason is being seduced into this religious cult. End of this plot: Jason has sex with the religious head's wife, then the vampires revolt against the cult and win! Hoorah! Second plot, the completely messed up one. Ok, so apparently there is this thing called a maenad. It's a creepy immortal lady who feeds off humans strong emotions such as lust and anger. So she hypnotizes the whole town and orgies ensure. I'm serious. I could not watch this show around people because through 1/3 of it there was groups of sex or violent sex or butt sex or just general sex going on in every episode. Like wtf yo. Anywho, she gets the town all crazy. They try to sacrifice Sam (shape shifter woah!). Sooki is all like "we gotta save my former lover and kill the evil bitch". The devise a master plan and she turns into black goo. This season was so weird. But good!

Good news, werewolves are in the next season!

The Big Bang Theory: Season 3

Dude! Guess what?!

I watched another season of Big Bang Theory. Almost against my will. Steve was a total slave driver. He was all like "wah wah BBT starts on Thursday and we have to finish a whole season" and I was all like "booo you whore I can't watch that much BBT". And I meant it! Damn is this show hard to watch in bulk. Silly sitcoms with endearing humor have nothing more. Like plotlines. The plotline for BBT3 was Leonard and Penny are dating. And then Steve got sick of them, and he said "they need to break up". Then the next episode, they did! They got into a fight. He was all like "I love you" and she was all like "thank you". Drama ensued. Meanwhile, Sheldon was once again taking over the season. He is so awesome. He hasn't changed, but he's still awesome! And funny!

Anywho, back to me not being able to watch this much BBT. I did so well until the end where I exploded in frustrated anger and then fell asleep during the last two episodes. Officially, they were on in the background and I caught some of the things that happened, so I win! And it counts! Suck it!

Pretty Little Liars 7

Oopsies! I suck at posting things on time. I definitely finished this weeks ago. However, the book was so bad I just didn't feel like posting about it because that would mean thinking about it about it again. To be honest, I don't remember what happened. Here's what Wikipedia told me:
- No one believes the girls..gasp!
- Emily goes to hang out with Jewish people
- Aria sees a witch lady and makes out with the totally popular dude
- Hannah goes to a clinic because her parents think she is crazy
- Spencer found out her Dad was cheating on her Mom with A's mom and ruins her family
- Oh and Allison's killer and A is found!

Is it for real?

We will find out when the 8th book comes out for free on my book reading application!

Dr Who Season 2

When I began this season I was very wary of the change in the Doctor. I had grown to appreciate the antics of Eccleston and I had no idea what David Tennant, who I mentioned is Barty Crouch Jr. in Harry Potter and the Goblet of fire. Within two episodes I realized why he was cast in both this series and in Harry Potter. Danielle puts it best when she said "Tennant can go from zero to crazy is no time flat." When you expect a normal person to cry Tennant laughs and vice versa. In dire situations he often has a huge smile on his face and he brings a childlike charisma to the character that I find downright refreshing. But I digress, this is not a panegyric to David Tennant but rather a post on Doctor Who Season 2, which is fun to say I may add. This season is better than the first, the producers mix the balance between past, present and future very well. Notable historical characters in this season include Queen Victoria, louis XV of France, Madam de Pompadour, and SATAN 666 THE BEAST!

My favorite episode of this season was special because it barely had The Doctor or Rose in it. The main character, who is in love with ELO (the band the Electric Light Orchestra), is a conspiracy theorist who is determined to find this man who keeps cropping up in history, The Doctor. I loved this episode because it is hilarious and because the love interest in this episode is the girl who played Moaning Myrtle in Harry Potter, confirming my suspicion that there are only a handful of British Actors and they must appear in as many different things as possible.

All in all this season was better than the first and I was glad that the Doctor changed forms. The season ends with a change in companion as the Doctor loses Rose but he does so in an amazingly expected plot twist so its not too upsetting. I look forward to finding out the replacement in season 3.

Dr Who Season 1

Today I got my lap top back from Dee. This is good news because I have some backed back logging up my sleeve that I can now slip in just under the month's end wire. This is the first season of the show called Doctor Who but apparently it is not the beggining of the Dr Who series. In fact this season begins with the story of the ninth doctor, played by Christopher Eccleston, and his companion Rose Tyler, played by Billie Piper. Having jumped into this series, in what appears to be the middle, I decided I needed to do a little background research. I discovered that the show, which started in the fifties, was originally an educational series where the doctor traveled the universe in his time machine and he was accompanied by a companion, who in the early days tended to be a scientist of a historian and they would teach children about history and science using the time machine as a entertaining medium, not too unlike The Magic School Bus. However, it soon became apparent to the producers that the audience, mostly younger viewers, were more interested in the aliens and monsters than they were in the educational background so that was soon scrapped and the show took on a more Sci Fi persona. Because of non careful storing, a good deal of the original tapes have been lost to time and deterioration and may never be viewed in their original. The series has been around for a long time and has made its most recent revival in the mid 2000s with the ninth doctor, this being explained in the series as a kind of molting that the Doctor does when he transforms into a new persona who sometimes has a different personality and new quirks but generally knows everything that his previous form had. The doctor has no name, that I know of and the only thing you know about him is that he is an alien of the Time Lord race and that the rest of his people were wiped out by an alien race known as the Daleks. His space ship is the TARDIS which stands for Time and Relative Dimension in Space.

With all that background information out of the way I can actually move on to my thoughts and feelings on the show. To start with I hated it, the effects look like they haven't changed much from the fifties and the robots appear to be moving trash cans and are almost never frightening. However, as the series went out I learned to appreciate this. Where Lucas made three prequel movies that are way better shot than there predecessors without any explanation this show went the opposite route by keeping the shitty effects and focusing more on character and plot development. Episodes bounce between the past, the present and the future while also shifting around in space, sometimes they are in London and others they are in outer space. Just when you think that you are getting bored with one place or time they shift and show another, keeping the show fresh and entertaining. The most notable historical character in this season is Charles Dickens. The season ends with the Doctors transformation into his tenth form played by David Tennant who we all know best from his portrayal of Barty Crouch Jr in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Three-Sentence Reviews: Television, Part 1

Hey, guess what. Just because I finished reviewing all of my video games from years gone by doesn't mean you've seen the end of three-sentence reviews. In fact, far from it! Here I go again!

30 Rock: Season 1 ('06-'07)
The first season of this Emmy magnet was also its worst, in my humble opinion. An extreme overabundance of Rachel Dratch was the primary reason. Seriously, Tina Fey just kept letting her come back in new one-off roles, and the whole thing felt like bad SNL for a while.

30 Rock: Season 2 ('07-'08)
Here's where the show transitioned from "barely tolerable" to "kind of funny" for me. The third and fourth seasons were still better than this one, but that doesn't mean this was terrible. And that's good, because the first season kind of was.

Da Ali G Show: Season 1 ('03)
His characters may be world famous now, but Sacha Baron Cohen was far from a household name when this BBC/HBO series first aired. The quality is actually pretty poor on several of the Borat and Bruno pieces, but that doesn't keep them from being hilarious. You also never got the sense that these segments were scripted in any way, either.

Da Ali G Show: Season 2 ('04)
I liked the first season a bit more than the second, but honestly, the two are nearly indistinguishable from one another. The final episode may have contained the highlight of the series, however, when Andy Rooney got all irate over grammar and Ebonics. All in all, I enjoyed both six-episode seasons and recommend them to everyone.

Andy Richter Controls the Universe: The Complete Series ('02-'03)
I watched a few episodes of this show when it first aired on FOX and never even liked it very much. Why, then, did I buy the complete series on DVD just a couple of years ago? Beats me.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 1 ('00-'02)
This animated series bases its humor on total irreverence, but at least it was actually funny back in its early days. This first season remains its greatest to this day. There may be 100 episodes of ATHF, but the vast majority of all quotable material and memorable moments came in these dozen episodes or so.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 2 ('02-'03)
It isn't nearly as classic as the first season, but the second season still packs plenty of legitimate humor. If the first DVD volume was a ten, then this one is a seven. The rest of the way, this series averages a four or so.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 3 ('03)
This was really no worse than the second DVD set and it contained a number of memorable episodes. "Frat Aliens" and "Broodwich" especially come to mind. I'll call the highs just as high as ever before, but I'll also point out a number of do-nothing filler episodes.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 4 ('04)
Here's where things really began to head south for the winter. Unfortunately, it's a winter that has yet to end. Highlights remained great, but the overall quality was slipping away.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 5 ('05-'06)
Once Again, this wasn't terrible. There were still a few good episodes to be seen and a number of hilarious one-off characters. But this was a far cry from the first set of episodes from early in the decade.

Aqua Teen Hunger Force: Volume 6 ('08-'09)
By this point, the series was more or less a parody of itself. An urban legend persists that the creators have been making the show as terrible as possible for years, hoping to get canceled. And I can assure you, they're doing a fantastic job if that's been the case.

The Blue Planet ('01)
If you enjoyed Planet Earth, perhaps you'd like its older but lesser known sibling, The Blue Planet. The eight-part miniseries explored underwater ecosystems from coastlines to coral reefs to the deep sea floor. My only complaint is that it's just not as diverse or visually stunning as the land-based Planet Earth.

The Boondocks: Season 1 ('05-'06)
When I first saw this racially-charged anime, I was confused and offended. But once I had seen a number of episodes, I realized that much of what I didn't like about it at first was only satire I had failed to catch onto. The first season remains my favorite of the three that have aired so far.

The Boondocks: Season 2 ('07-'08)
Even though I just said the first season was my favorite, I guess this second season of The Boondocks was just as good. Memorable moments included Riley imitating a flamboyantly homosexual gangsta rapper and an absolutely relentless assault on BET. Sadly, the recent third season did not live up to the expectations set by the first two.

Breaking Bad: Season 1 ('08)
Cut short by the writers' strike and coming in at just seven episodes, the first season of Breaking Bad feels tragically incomplete. But it's still fantastic. If you haven't seen it yet, you're really missing out on something wonderful.

Chappelle’s Show: Season 1 ('03)
This show was pretty big but I fear it's already somewhat dated. I haven't gone back and watched it for some time now, but would it still be as funny to me now as it was to all of us back in the midst of the Bush years? And now that we know how unnecessarily racially awkward the show got in its very shortened final season?

Chappelle’s Show: Season 2 ('04)
I feel the need to reiterate how funny this show was during its prime. And this second season was certainly the show's prime. It will be difficult to forget most of the sketches, characters, and Charlie Murphy stories.

Chappelle’s Show: The Lost Episodes ('06)
Chappelle left his own show just a few episodes into what was supposed to be its third season, and it's no wonder he did so. It's hard enough to make racial jokes work while toeing a fine line, but the controversial "pixie" skit in the final episode - the reason Dave quit - was downright offensive without even carrying a hint of humor. What made me even more uncomfortable than the bit itself was the ensuing audience reaction that closed out the episode and thus the series.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 1 ('00)
Perhaps I'm in the minority, but I always liked this show better than Seinfeld. And that doesn't mean I think Seinfeld sucks. It just means I think this show is awesome.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 2 ('01)
In this season, fictional Larry David reunites with several of the Seinfeld stars while trying to come up with a new idea for a sitcom. Hilarity ensues as network after network backs out on Larry due to his hijinks. This was even better than the first season.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 3 ('02)
The season-long story arc this time around centered on Larry's decision to open up a restaurant. It may be my least favorite season-long plot, but the individual moments and episodes remain top-notch. Still, all in all, this is probably the weakest season since the first one.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 4 ('04)
On the other hand, the fourth season of Curb Your Enthusiasm may be the greatest one. David Schwimmer and Mel Brooks are recurring guest stars this season as Larry prepares to star in The Producers. I can say with confidence that there isn't a dud in the entire ten-episode season.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 5 ('05)
I have conflicting opinions about this season. It had some of the greatest stand-alone Curb episodes ever, but it also had a very peculiar and weird finale. Aside from the way it ended though, the kidney story arc was fantastic.

Curb Your Enthusiasm: Season 6 ('07)
For the first six episodes, Larry and Cheryl take in a group of Katrina refugees and the plots focus primarily on the ensuing culture clash. But the final four episodes occur after Cheryl finally leaves Larry, and the focus shifts to Larry's dating woes. Both sets were really great though, and the show felt revitalized after leaving us with a so-so season finale two years prior.

Deadwood: Season 1 ('04)
If you read my posts regarding the second and third seasons, you can probably tell that I struggled to get through this show at times. Really though, I only struggled to get through the first two or three episodes, and then my interest picked up. Still, I'd only recommend this show to you if you can patiently and attentively appreciate slow-moving period pieces.

Dexter: Season 1 ('06)
The concept itself - a serial killer who kills other killers - isn't that unique or original. But the stark presentation and very slight mystery aspect add a whole lot to the otherwise ordinary table. This is definitely a show worth trying to watch, unless you can't root for a fictional serial killer to succeed.

Dexter: Season 2 ('07)
I liked this season just fine, but it was probably the weakest to date for me. The season-long arc, in which Dexter's murders are the main case everyone works to solve, seemed like it came a few years too soon. The arc resolution and season finale were also kind of disappointing.

Whew. That took me two weeks to do. Three more TV 3SR posts are on their way eventually, but what's the rush? Savor the flavor of this one for now; I'll be back when I'm back.

Dexter: Season 4

If you pay much attention to critical acclaim and events like the Emmy Awards, you've probably already heard more than enough good things about the fourth season of Dexter, Showtime's best drama. But just in case you aren't aware of things, here's the lowdown on the season and the series in general. Michael C. Hall stars as Dexter Morgan, a bloodstain pattern analyst for Miami Homicide who moonlights as a serial killer himself. The catch is that Dexter lives and kills by a very specific creed and never takes the life of an undeserving victim. There is, of course, debate regarding the philosophy and ethics behind this vigilantism and it's just one of many things that make the series work - that make you root for a serial killer to succeed. The show is also aided by great writing, a decent cast of characters, and a mystery element that feels just important enough to hold interest and create season-long story arcs. (To be clear, this isn't CSI: Miami.) The main arc in the ballyhooed fourth season revolves around the "Trinity Killer," played to perfection by John Lithgow. Dexter and his pursuit of Trinity commanded so much of my attention, in fact, that the majority of the supporting characters who I had enjoyed for three full seasons could now barely hold my interest at all with their mundane side stories. But this is more a triumph of the main plot than a shortcoming of the B-plots. (I think.) The season, the Trinity plot, and a number of other threads all come into a shocking and powerful head in the season finale and the final scene of the season will go down as the iconic Dexter moment no matter what else happens from here on out. It was just amazing. But there was one teeny little problem with the ending of the final episode, and it's something I want to say a few words about; I knew it was coming beforehand. It had been spoiled for me. You see, the fourth season's finale first aired on December 13, 2009. I hadn't been watching Dexter at school, primarily due to my apartment's lack of premium cable networks like Showtime. When the Twittersphere erupted that night with several OMFGs and a healthy dose of "That did not just fucking happen" comments with "#Dexter" hashtags, I knew I'd have to try my best not to read about or even hear about the way the season had concluded. And I lasted all the way until just a few weeks ago when I read the spoiler, sans warning, on a website. I had made it all the way up until the DVD release of Season 4 only to have the ending ruined for me in the proverbial eleventh hour. But I wasn't upset. I wasn't even angry at the website, and had no reason to be, for in the ensuing two week period I read the spoiler twice more: once in a magazine, once on TV. We live in a world where information runs rampant without physical wires or human interactions. Given that we're still amid a great communication revolution, to expect not to hear about something that has happened is patently absurd. "Spoilers," as they're called, run amok throughout the Internet and other forms of media; it just doesn't fit with the world we inhabit today to keep things a secret. And yet, crying spoiler is all the rage these days. Along with the technology to instantly communicate and share things, we are more able than ever before to delay various forms of entertainment with technologies like DVR and, to an older extent, both home and streaming video. Ten years ago, no one cried foul when details were shared regarding a television episode from the previous night. And yet, at the same time, said details were much harder to come by than they are today. I just find it very interesting that as our ability to share details increases, our desire to hear them decreases. It's getting kind of ridiculous, if you think about it. There are people who will get angry if you give them a score update on a sports game currently in progress. "I'm taping that at home," they'll snap. "Don't tell me what's happening!" This past May, when the cult series Lost went off the air, there were actually people on the Internet the next day getting upset about all the other people on the Internet discussing the finale openly. I even heard about one case in which an author was sternly lectured by a reader for referencing the ending of The Usual Suspects, a movie from 1995, in his 2009 book. There's got to be a happy medium here. There are spoilers and then there is general after-the-fact discussion and disclosure. Those kids in that YouTube video who yelled, "Snape kills Dumbledore!" to a crowd of people eagerly awaiting the release of the sixth Harry Potter book were total dicks for doing so. But if you're upset with me for just revealing that Snape kills Dumbledore at the end of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, a book that came out in 2005, then maybe you're being a bit unreasonable. I'm not saying there's an acceptable or common-courtesy-dictated timeframeDexter ended its fourth season, especially since I had lasted so long without having it spoiled. But for me to be upset at the website, magazine, or television show that made reference to something from December '09? That'd just be silly. Especially in this era of texts, tweets, and pop culture references where everything's already old news just a day after it breaks. I guess that's the only point I'm trying to make here. Oh, and also that the acclaim was justified and that this is my favorite season of Dexter yet. I still can't believe Masuka was the real Trinity Killer all along.

The Turn of the Screw

I don't even know where to start with this one, and in part that's because I've said everything I need to say about this book before about some other book or two I've recently reviewed. The Turn of the Screw is a novella written in 1898 that I bought for $2 while bored in a bookstore one day with time to kill. Sound familiar? So will this: Blech! For such a short book, there was so much about this ghost story that I didn't like at all. Things started off alright as the first six pages introduced me to an unnamed narrator and a group of people sharing ghost stories around a fire on Christmas Eve. Spooky enough, no? It felt a lot like the beginning of some contemporary Christmastime horror movie and I was, at the very least, intrigued. But suddenly on page seven one of the characters went and got a manuscript of the most disturbing ghost story he'd heard. And just like that, the group of people I had come to appreciate had vanished away as nothing more than some kind of meaningless prologue. I've already said that I've already said this, and in fact I said it rather recently when reviewing another turn-of-the-century novella (Heart of Darkness), but what the fuck is up with this story-within-a-story bullshit? There are many instances in literature and storytelling where the double-layered story works well as a plot device, but you can't just bookend a story irrelevantly with a second narrator who tells the tale. That's just bad writing! Do you remember the Nickelodeon series Are You Afraid of the Dark? In that show, a bunch of kids gathered around a campfire regularly and told spooky stories. The one-minute prologues and epilogues worked within the context of that show because it helped remind kids that these spooky stories were in fact just spooky stories. It took potentially frightened kids away from the stories themselves by showing a bunch of other kids before and after each story talking about how these were, in fact, just stories! Fine. But if you're a respected author in 1898, why are you trying to remove readers from your ghost story instead of immersing them within it? And speaking of spooky shit for kids in the '80s and '90s, do you remember the far more vague Scary Stories books? They were anthologies of urban legends and other frightening tales that often dealt with paranoia and psychological distress. And the reason I bring them up is because this eighty-page schlepfest was no more frightening and no less predictable than  any of these Scary Stories. Look, I wasn't alive back in 1898, but based on some of the stuff I've been reading lately, those were some really shitty times for people seeking a good read. Heart of Darkness? Shit. The Call of the Wild? Shit. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Total shit. Carmilla? Shit, shit, shit. It baffles me that these are the stories that have survived for more than a century and become known as classics. So superfluous and wordy while saying so little. So pretentiously verbose. I never do this, but just so you can actually see what it was like to read The Turn of the Screw, here's an excerpt for you:

"Ah, with such awful eyes!"
She stared at mine as if they might really have resembled them. "Do you mean of dislike?"
"God help us, no. Of something much worse."
"Worse than dislike?"—this left her indeed at a loss.
"With a determination—indescribable. With a kind of fury of intention."
I made her turn pale. "Intention?"

Eighty pages of that. Jesus Christ.

Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time

Finally! This one has easily been the longest-tenured game in my "now playing, unbeaten" list. After Superstar Saga last summer and Bowser's Inside Story last winter, I thought the Mario & Luigi games were pretty fun and had high hopes for the middle one- Partners in Time. I had heard mixed reviews- Sheridan recommended it wholeheartedly, but Stan seemed to think Partners in Time was a chore to get through. I'd say I'm on the fence. The gameplay is improved from the first installment, sure, and there was no noticeable decline in quality. But for some reason, the game just never left much of an impression on me. I would pick it up and enjoy it for a few hours, only to put it down and forget it for weeks at a time. Perhaps the novelty of the original is gone, and the thrill of playing as Bowser is absent as well, causing the dullness. Maybe it's the wasted potential of the plot- I know time travel is often a sign that things are going south in different forms of media (Lost) but I'm usually a sucker for those types of stories. Combine the ability to time travel, controlling older and younger versions of Mario and Luigi with the smart puzzles the series is known for, and Alphadream was sure to have a winner here, right? Well, time actually doesn't factor into the puzzles at all. Or even the plot! Aside from the fact that apparently our plumbing heroes time travel to get to the different levels, it's rarely brought up. What a waste! I guess another thing that bugged me was the odd difficulty of grinding. It seems like in most rpgs, one of the basic ideas is that the more time you spend in pre-boss battles, the easier the rest of the game gets. But that was not the case here! Small battles required item usage, just like boss battles, and rarely payed out enough to make it worth it. Whatever. The final boss was also quite the pain in the ass, forcing me to scour through old levels for items and money to buy more items to stand a chance. Superstar Saga's boss was difficult, sure, but beaten the night I got to him, and I believe Bowser's Inside Story's only took a few attempts, but the Queen Shroob was definitely the worst of the bunch. Hey, look at that, at the start of this post I wasn't sure why I didn't like this game, and now I have a whole lot of reasons. But it still was fun at times. Mostly when I wasn't fighting one of the many overpowered bosses. If you're interested in the series, go for Bowser's Inside Story over this one, it's definitely the best of the trilogy.

Waxwork

Let me start off by giving you a little backstory as to how I stumbled upon this “B” movie classic. Recently I went out to go see Going the Distance with Kelsi in hopes of catching a nice date movie. We were gipped. Aside from a few classic Charlie Day moments, the movie was a complete bore. But enough about that... What I’m getting to is that shortly after the film I began checking Drew Barrymore’s (one of the film’s leads) filmography and saw a familiar title: Waxwork II: Lost in time. Why did this look so familiar? Oh, right. It’s another shitty horror film made into an underground classic thanks to the man himself, Mr. Bruce Campbell. A Bruce Campbell film I haven’t seen? This will not do. I threw this into my Netflix queue only to find the DVD contained a double-feature. Being apart of this blog, it’s my duty to view everything I get my hands onto - no half-assing here! So, in honor of working my way to Waxwork II, here’s the prequel.

As you may have already figured, this is a horror film. A “B” horror film. What does that mean? Shitty acting, shitty camera work, shitty story, and - in general - a shitty movie. Why do I love these films? I have no idea, but Waxwork definitely qualifies as a “B” movie. The premise is simple. A mysterious wax museum arrives to this yuppy town one day where a group of wealthy, over-privilege college kids are suckered into checking out the exhibits one night for a private showing offered by the owner, Lincoln. Inside, all the wax models depict graphic scenes of violence that are somewhat reminiscent of old horror movies (Wolfman, Dracula, Zombies, ect.). But when dumb-ass kids decide to step over the red velvet rope to get a closer look at the statues, they are suddenly transported into a world based on the violent scene they were looking at and eventually succumb to the deadly monsters that live within it. The whole film culminates when Mark and Sarah, the only two characters who were smart enough not to fuck with the exhibits their first time in the museum, return to the museum after learning that the evil dude running it has sold his sole to the devil (or something?) and is attempting to resurrect his monsters by filling his quota of human sacrifices. Our heroes arrive right when he meets his quota, then all hell breaks lose (literally) and the monsters come to life. When all looks hopeless, Sir Wilfred - the wheelchair-ridden, wealthy lunatic who Mark sought advice from in regards to Lincoln’s past - arrives with a slew of old men from an ancient organization who’ve apparently been waging war with this satanic fellow for centuries.

After a really cheesy fight scene that ends with Lincoln’s demise, the museum burns to the ground with Mark and Sarah being the only survivors. Then they just walk off into the night. Even though there’s a burning mansion behind them nestled in this dense residential environment, none of the neighbors seem to care their front yards have just turned into Ground Zero. Not single house stirs, and our heroes are left to just shuffle down the street as if they were going walking this whole thing off and be alright. Mark saw a werewolf rip off Sir Wilfred's head. I don't think a glass of warm milk is going to erase that image from his mind. Also, there were still another couple dozen people that could be alive. It’s not too late to pull them from the wreckage. Oh, but it’s OK. You kids have had a rough night. Just go on home. It’s past curfew anyways. Fucking yuppie douchebags.

I don’t really know where to begin commenting about this film. There are so many errors and goof-ups in the making of this... it would really just take too much time to go through it all. I’ll just point out this one factor: the acting. By the worst - and most delightful - feature of the flick. The main characters look as though they were ripped off from the cast of the old Beverly Hills 90210 television show.

They act snobby and have no problem bossing around their butlers. I guess that’s why I don’t feel bad when two thirds of the cast get knocked off in the first half of the movie.

Well, can’t wait to catch the next film. I also can’t wait to see how Drew Barrymore found her way into a film series like this. Bruce Campbell, sure. But Drew? She was in E.T. and Altered States long before this film - already a well-established actress. OK, she’s around 18 or so by the time the sequel came out. Maybe she was going through her Lindsay Lohan faze and was desperate for work. I mean Labor Pains?

...Yeesh. Can’t tell me she thought that was going to be a solid career move.

Oh, I forgot to mention. The last scene of this atrocity we see a severed hand crawl out from under the rubble and scurry off into the dark. Yes. I can see the sequel coming. And it looks pathetic.

Resident Evil: Code Veronica X

Resident Evil: Code Veronica was the series' first foray into the last generation of systems, coming out first for the Dreamcast but eventually for the Gamecube, the system I played it on. And let me tell you, this one was hard to find. I had to turn to eBay to spend way more than I should have just for series completion's sake. But that's beside the point. The formula is hardly switched up in this game, but I have to say it feels like it's at least been perfected- the game plays essentially like a giant puzzle, running from room to room searching for the right key to progress, and the smaller puzzles are good enough to keep this from getting boring. Also, zombies. Anyway this time around you play as both Chris and Claire Redfield (and minor character Steve Burnside briefly) in a third-world prison and then eventually in an Umbrella Corporation complex in Antarctica. The scope certainly felt more epic considering how quick RE2 and RE3 flew by. This was probably an effect of the forced difficulty- the original Dreamcast version had two difficulties to choose from, but for some reason the easier mode was scrapped by the time Code Veronica hit the Gamecube. This led me to make a frustrating but necessary sacrifice halfway through the game. I had been saving two files the entire game so I could go back earlier if necessary, and the end-boss of the first disc forced me to do just that- I simply didn't have enough ammo to beat him. So after loading an earlier save, I knew exactly where to grab some extra to get the job done. But no! At that point the game claimed I "had to make it to the plane" and couldn't waste time entering a room that wasn't on the way there. Even though I had several extra minutes left on the timer when I did make it to the plane. So for really no reason at all, I had no choice but to restart the whole thing. You know what? I'm glad I did. Resident Evils get much easier on a second playthrough, because most of the difficulty comes from knowing where to go and what to do. An 8-hour first disc was finished in 3 hours, and I had tons of health, ink rolls (to save the game) and ammo, making disc two much easier than it would have been. So yeah, frustrating, but a small sacrifice to finish the whole thing off. And now it's done. Code Veronica was fun enough, and probably more worthy of a play than the first three for someone who's never tried out the series, as long as you know that it's a slow burn instead of a thrill-a-minute joyride. I'm expecting more of the same from the last game in the main series left for me- prequel Resident Evil Zero.

Alien Resurrection

Wow. What ever happened to logging and blogging? Just eight days into September we had 17 posts already. We were on pace for a record-shattering 64 posts in one month. And then we set a different kind of record, going ten straight days between posts. The previous high was six days, a "feat" we'd managed twice in over a year of blogging - once in late October '09 and once in early February '10. Our September pace now stands at 30 posts, which would be an all time low since expanding beyond two members to kick off 2010. Whoops. But enough about that lazy catastrophe; let's talk about the one pictured above. Alien Resurrection was the fourth film in the Alien series, a series I've been thoroughly unimpressed by all along. And this may have been the worst film of them all. Each movie had its flaws - the first was dated and campy, the second was absurdly over-the-top, and the third was incredibly boring. But Resurrection manages to boast each one of those claims. The plot was ridiculous, even by science fiction standards; 200 years after dying at the end of Alien 3, Ripley (Sigourney Weaver) has been cloned and essentially brought back to life, memories and everything. Along for the resurrection is the embryonic parasite that had died along with her two centuries ago. But in an awful Spider-Man-ish twist, the two lifeforms have undergone some gene swapping and now Ripley's reincarnation has heightened senses and acidic blood while the new old alien has been upgraded with the mammalian ability to give live birth to her offspring. Well, then. At least with something so outlandish driving the story, the action scenes won't disappoint you. The problem is that the movie runs for an hour and forty minutes and the majority of the film is spent on typical dull characters struggling to survive while also looking totally badass. And all of this brings me to my final (first) point: the movie feels far too dated. No 1997 big-budget space movie should look as shoddy and low-tech as this one does; computer animation and special effects had been around all decade. Look at T2 (1991), Jurassic Park (1993), and Independence Day (1996) before you disbelieve that statement. I'm not saying the flick looks straight out of 1985 or anything, but visually it has aged a lot more like milk than like wine. But don't walk away with the wrong idea; I did not abhor this movie and could have rang in my Saturday with something much worse. In fact, if you like the franchise enough, or even the genre - hell, even if you just like Sigourney Weaver - then you'll probably enjoy this film a great deal. The thing is, I never really cared as much for the first three films as the Internet has me believing I should have. I was never looking forward to watching it with any real enthusiasm and only bought it in the first place for the sake of completing my Alien collection. Of course, to any sane person, the question here that needs begging is rather simple: why? Why bother buying the fourth installment of a franchise I don't even really like all that much? Why spend my hard-earned money on a DVD I know I stand no chance of watching more than once? The easiest answer I can offer is simply that this is what I've always done. It's not quite OCD, but that doesn't make it any saner. But sometimes the easiest answers are the ones that need to be reexamined the most. In other words, allow me to rhetorically ask myself, "What the hell, man?" It isn't worth my money - and frankly, it isn't worth my time, even - to buy and watch a movie unless I'm reasonably confident I'll enjoy it. And again, I can't say that this movie was terrible. It just wasn't my cup of tea, which was an inconvenient fact I knew when I bought it in the first place. The good news is that my fascination with series completion is not nearly as strong as my desire to empty out my backlog. The better news is that the rest of the movies I own (thus far) are stand-alones without sequels or prequels that could goad me into more unnecessary purchases. "Unnecessary" actually describes this movie pretty well, but I suppose it wasn't actually my least favorite one in the series. It beats 3, I think, and maybe even Aliens. In fact, my apathy for the series is so vast that I don't even know how to rank the individual movies despite seeing all four of them in the past couple of months. Oh well. It's time to move on from this franchise and most likely not look back. God help me if I ever feel the need to pick up Alien vs. Predator.

Rocky V

Talk about a snoozer! Rocky, no longer able to box due to the brain damage he's sustained from years in the ring, takes up managing instead. Meanwhile, his financial stability is in shambles and his son struggles with bullies at school. One of the bullies, by the way, was played by a very young Kevin Connolly ("E" from Entourage), a fact that I was able to pick up on based solely on his red hair and familiar but unplaceable accent. And, yeah, that was the highlight of this movie. The lowlight could have been a number of things. Maybe it was when it was revealed that Rocky's protege, already named "Tommy Gunn," went by the ring name of "Tommy 'the Machine' Gunn." I mean, why make a groan-inducing pun out of another groan-inducing pun? The lowlight may have been the four or five new jack swing tracks that served as out-of-place background music as this 1990 sequel to a 1976 "Best Picture" winner stumbled further and further off course. The lowlight may have been the final scene - the only Rocky fight of the movie - as it happened to occur on a street instead of in the ring. Yeah, Rock-O needs to give up fighting with gloves and doctors standing by, but he's all about getting into some bare-knuckle street brawls. There was a lot to hate about this movie and next to nothing to love. I haven't seen Rocky Balboa yet, but I'm very glad they made it; no matter what it's like, it has to serve as better closure to the franchise than Rocky V did.

Swimming with Sharks

Here’s a film I bought about a year ago based on the recommendation I received from my (aspiring-writer) waiter I had one night. He explained it is a must see for anyone looking to work in the “biz” - and after seeing this, I have to agree with him.

The film’s about this new-to-Hollywood film school grad named Guy who’s just landed the prestigious job as Buddy Ackerman’s new assistant. Buddy, one of the most powerful producers out there, is quite simply the biggest jack-ass there is. Right from the first scene where the two meet, Guy accidentally grabs the wrong type of sugar (Equal instead of Sweet and Low) for Buddy's coffe. Buddy just looses it and chews him out intensely over what most would consider nothing. As time passes, we see Guy grow in experience, build confidence, and develop a thicker skin to Buddy’s constant barrage of vindictive tantrums. However, no matter how tuff you get, we all have our breaking points.

Looking from the cover, it’s easy to imagine this as a little-hearted comedy - something comparable to The Devil Wears Prada - but, oh, how wrong you would be. This film is dark. In one of the opening scenes we see cops surrounding Buddy’s mansion wheeling out a corpse in a body bag. Guy’s over in the corner sucking down on a cigarette and answering some cop’s questions. From then on the films flops back-and-forth between two different story lines. One being Guy’s struggle to keep his job as Buddy’s assistant. The other explains how Guy got to this grim predicament... and who's in the body bag.

Now I won’t ruin the ending for you, but I have to say the movie did surprise me. It strives hard to deliver the message of how evil and greedy you need to be to make it as an exec in show business. That it is just a dog-eat-dog world. Hopefully, this theme is purely for entertainment purposes only, or at least I can manage to keep my distance from any boss who ever upholds these beliefs.

Psychonauts

After playing Tim Schafer's critically acclaimed psychic powers-infused platformer Psychonauts, I looked up a few reviews to see what other people thought, and one specifically stuck out- http://zpxlng.livejournal.com/57438.html (ignore the livejournal link, it's got scans of a magazine article) This guy, Patrick Alexander, calls the game the "greatest of all time." Do I agree with him? No. But can I understand his reasoning? Certainly. Pat concedes that the game is flawed in many ways, but he claims that these failures are only due to the game trying so many things that had never even been thought up before, let alone attempted in the world of video games. And in a way, I agree. Allow me to explain. Psychonauts tells the story of Razputin, a ten year old who runs away from the circus to Camp Whispering Rock, a place for young psychics to get together and learn to hone their powers with the possibility of one day become a psychonaut (a sort of psychic secret agent). Raz is deadset on becoming a psychonaut, but before he can complete his training, Campers and counselors start disappearing, showing up days later with their brains removed. In order to save the day, Raz has to enter into different people's minds and help them fight off their demons to get what he wants. It's in these mind-levels that those brand new game ideas show up. One of the first levels has you play on a giant cube, and one strategy I use to climb up walls on one side involved launching myself off another, playing with gravity to get where I wanted. Sound familiar? It felt like Super Mario Galaxy except done two and a half years earlier. Another level has you unraveling the mysterious "milkman conspiracy," putting on poor disguises and tricking other poorly-disguised secret agents into letting you roam around a topsy-turvy suburban neighborhood. Perhaps the most memorable level of all features Raz helping Fred, an orderly at a mental institution, play a board game against Napoleon Bonaparte himself. Raz is given the ability to change his size- Large Raz can talk strategy with Fred, Medium Raz can use telekinesis to move pieces around the game board, and small Raz can talk to the game pieces and motivate them to fight for Fred. There's plenty of other levels that introduce completely new game mechanics, and I'm sure some more I missed in my playthrough. So sure, the graphics might be a little off, and the game glitched on me a few times (probably because downloaded it off of XBLA), but Psychonauts deserves tons of credit for trying boatloads of new things, and in my opinion pulling them off pretty well.

Rocky IV

Oh, alright. So this is where things get a tad absurd. I was waiting for the inevitable shark jump and, well, here it is. I knew I was in for a "treat" when the opening title sequence consisted of two metallic boxing gloves, one depicting an American flag and the other embroidered with the Soviet Union's, launching into one another via rocket propulsion and then exploding. This movie was plenty cool in its own right - the training montage was the greatest yet and the stakes for Rocky were ridiculously, ridiculously high this time around. In fact, Rocky's opponent in his fourth film adventure is more or less the entire Eastern Bloc. I guess I forgot that this movie's release (1985) came in the midst of an inherently anti-Communist era led by Ronnie "Papa Eagle" Reagan himself - of course Rocky's natural next move was to bring democracy to the Warsaw Pact by defeating a steroid-infused Dolph Lundgren in Russia and winning over all of Moscow in the process. On Christmas! It was only logical. Oh and by the way, Drago (Dolph Lundgren) has killed - literally killed - his last opponent in the ring. And without showing any remorse, no less. Anyway, if all of that's not over-the-top enough for you, don't worry - there's an equally cliche '80s bit involving a robot who helps take care of the Balboa household and family. It was shit like this that made Rocky IV feel like the campiest and most dated movie in the hexalogy. But damn, what a speech to end on. Onward to the fifth movie, or as several Rocky fans like to call it, the movie that never happened.

Blindness

Another weekend trip to lake Winnipesaukee, another book done. This time around it's Jose Saramago's magnum opus, Blindness. Blindness begins with a man in his car at a stoplight who doesn't move when the light turns green. People surround the car and try to talk some sense into him, when finally it's revealed that he has suddenly and inexplicably gone blind. A few hours after some good samaritans take care of the situation, they find that they have gone blind as well, and the condition starts spreading like a disease. The first third of the book details the quick response the government takes- all known victims and the people they came in contact with are hauled off to a mental institution for quarantine, and we're introduced to the seven main characters, none of whom are ever named- the little boy, the doctor and his wife, the first blind man and his wife, the old man and the girl with the dark glasses. Just to make things more interesting, for no apparent reason one of these characters can see fine, and he's the witness to all of the horrors committed in the asylum once things go wrong. This made for the most interesting part of the book- a gang of thugs somehow takes over the asylum, hoarding food and ruling with an iron fist, all while our hero with the gift of sight plots to take them all down, eventually leading to a very satisfying conclusion. But wait, there's still a third act! By the time a few escape from quarantine, they get to see how things have changed in the real world since the epidemic broke out just two weeks before- I won't go into details, but I had higher hopes for this part of the book but it really just kind of dragged. The thing is, Saramago has his own style of writing where all conversations are written as lengthy stream-of-conscious paragraphs going on for pages at a time. Whether this was his intention or the translator's (the book was originally written in Portuguese) I don't know, and when the subject was interesting enough I barely noticed, but at times it got pretty rough. Anyway, the book came together with a decent but somewhat easy conclusion that wrapped up just enough plot lines to not frustrate me, and for that I give it credit and a recommendation. Will I return to Saramago in the future? Perhaps. I've never heard of his other works, but I'm intrigued enough by Blindness to see what else he's got.

The Big Bang Theory Season 2

Knock Knock Penny. Knock Knock Penny. Knock Knock Penny. That’s how this season goes for me. This is really a fun and easy going show. The main characters are Sheldon and Leonard, and Sheldon really hits his stride. He is the most delightfully awkward nerd in a tv show I’ve ever seen. Leonard tries dating some other girls besides Penny in this season which unfortunately don’t pan out, partially because of Sheldon’s unintentional sabotage. Side character Howard awkwardly hits on girls most of the show. Side character Raj is awkward around girls most of the show (until he gets drunk). Penny just hangs around with the guys most of the season until she dates a comic book geek at the end who’s not Leonard! The season ends with a trip to the North Pole. Not really sure what to write about the show. I enjoy it thoroughly though. Not a must watch, like many sitcoms, but pretty laugh (or snicker) out loud funny whenever you do watch it .

Pretty Little Liars 6 - Killer

So, where did we leave off? Ian is dead. Wrong! Cops can’t find Ian’s body. What a disaster!!!!!!! The cops are acting funning and saying the girls lied. A is sending them text messages threatening to ruin stuff if they don’t figure out who her murderer is, but the girls don’t listen. Emily is too caught up having sex with her boyfriend who’s mom finds out and yells at Emily in Applebees. Spencer is too busy getting conned by her “real mother” who successfully steals her entire savings account. Hanna is busy competing for the lax guy Mike with her stepsister. And Aria has a new guy who happens to be Ali’s brother. He acts creepy though. So do the cops. So what conclusion do we come too? The girls think Ali’s brother and the cops are responsible. As they are having a little pow wow to discuss this, they smell gas and then hear a match and then the woods catch on fire. The run out of the woods rescuing someone in the process, who turns out to be GASP Ali. How is that possible? Ali’s dead. Dun dun dun.

Bad news: Just found out this series is 8 books not 7.

Pretty Little Liars 5 - Wicked

I’m not sorry that I am still reading these because I am genuinely enjoying them. They are fun quick reads. However, I do feel bad that I am reading them because I have to make a post which makes me realize how crappy the book is and the misery I have to put you through if you actually read this post.

So, Pretty Little Liars 5. We ended with Ian being put in jail and the girls being happy because ‘A’ and Ali’s killer were behind bars. Guess what? Things are not as they seem! Ian denies killing Ali. The girls, who still believe Ian killed Ali, are living their lives happily with him behind bars. Emily has a new Christian boyfriend Isaac who may or may not approve of her lesbian like tendencies. Hanna is pissed that her stepsister is hot and spends the whole book being friends or hating each other or pretending to be friends. Aria likes this art guy. Ooops, art guy turns out to be mom’s boyfriend. Awkard. Spencer’s grandma dies and gives all the grandchildren money except Spencer, leading Spencer to come to the conclusion that her parents hate her and she is adopted. The girls get notes from A but they just think they are copy cats. Then Ian escapes house arrest and tries to tell Spencer he’s not the killer. Then the girls go into the woods in the middle of the night and find Ian’s dead body and get all scare. The end!

Three-Sentence Reviews: PlayStation 2 Games

At long last, we've come to the final video gaming installment of my three-sentence reviews. This shouldn't need much of an introduction or explanation. I own more games for the PS2 than I do for any other system and its lifespan has been extremely impressive, lasting the entire 00s decade. I got mine for Christmas in '01 and more or less used it until getting a Wii and Xbox in 2007. Have a look at what I did with it in that span of time.

All-Star Baseball 2003 (2002)
After getting my PS2 for Christmas in '01, I really wanted a baseball game in the spring of '02. Unfortunately, this was the best option on the market. It was very flawed and not so fun.

Culdcept (2003)
The best description I can give of this game is the same one I was originally given. It's "Monopoly" meets "Magic: The Gathering." Several friends and I got very into it one winter in an ironic and game-deprecating fashion, but it was addictive enough to draw me headfirst into the single-player mode.

DDRMAX2 Dance Dance Revolution (2003)
I never really cared for the DDR games. When my sisters came home with this one, I played it just a few times before growing tired of it. I just think that it belongs in the arcade where the dance pad doesn't slip all over the place.

Dance Dance Revolution Extreme (2004)
I can't distinguish between this game and the other DDR game from memory alone. I hope it suffices for me to say that neither game was particularly enjoyable or memorable. That is all.

FIFA Soccer 2004 (2003)
Many of my high school friends were big fans of the FIFA series from EA Sports. I never quite found the right groove in this game but I had fun playing it nonetheless. Especially in the little tournaments we used to set up.

FIFA Soccer 07 (2006)
The second time the video soccer bug bit me, I had just begun my freshman year of college. One friend and I took the New England Revolution through the rigorous MLS season and came away with the championship. Once again though, I really didn't love the game or feel the need to play it more often than I did.

Final Fantasy X (2001)
This was the old and respected RPG franchise's first foray into the high-res world of PS2. I enjoyed the game a whole lot, and in fact, it's the last game in the series I can truly say that about. The all-female direct sequel has been a real chore to get through.

Finding Nemo (2003)
A comedy of errors led to my sister receiving this video game for Christmas instead of the movie itself on DVD. But someone needed to play it and beat it, and that somebody was me. It's brief, simple, and kind of enjoyable.

Gran Turismo 3: A-Spec (2001)
I never understood the obsession with the Gran Turismo series, but then, I'm not one who cares all that much for fast cars. Still, playing through this game just felt so monotonous and boring. I struggle to believe that even car people enjoy the extreme repetition associated with some of the several-hour races.

Grand Theft Auto III (2001)
Despite the lack of a multi-player option, my friends and I used to love taking turns dicking around in Liberty City when this game first came out. The game is a classic that speaks for itself. Something about it always felt a bit overrated to me, however.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002)
Even though this is a better game than GTA3, it doesn't advance the epic scope of the franchise nearly as much as that game did. And I'm not saying this isn't an awesome game in it's own right. You just need to put the two games in their proper perspective when comparing them.

Guitar Hero (2005)
This is the music game that started it all. I don't want to brag or anything, but I was way ahead of the curve on this one, playing and beating it long before the world at large even knew about it. Maybe that's why I was sick of it long before everyone else.

Guitar Hero II (2006)
I didn't even enjoy this game, as the franchise had already gotten too "big" for me by the time this game came out. I couldn't even like it because of how much everyone else loved it. I know that sounds like flawed logic, but perhaps there's a parallel example of an old personal favorite "selling out" to which you can relate.

Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s (2007)
This game has my favorite tracklist selection out of any music game to date. Between the hair metal and the new wave synth pop, '80s songs are just so damn fun to play. Of course, this game was met with very little fanfare, what with Guitar Hero III and Rock Band both coming out in the same year.

James Bond 007: Agent Under Fire (2001)
I never had an N64 (Perfect Dark, Goldeneye) or an Xbox (Halo) during my adolescence, so this was actually the best FPS I owned. It was a pretty good game, too, in spite of its lack of recognition. I fondly recall heated mutli-player games of capture the flag.

James Bond 007: NightFire (2002)
I was looking forward to this follow-up to Agent Under Fire, and all things considered it made for a better game. Still, it was hard to retain interest in the series, and I ultimately put far fewer hours into this one. I'd still recommend it, though.

Madden NFL 2002 (2001)
The Madden franchise was the biggest lure for me to get a PS2 in the first place. This '02 installment didn't disappoint, and I put hours upon hours into creating teams and players (as well as just playing the game). Of course, before long, it was time for me to upgrade to the following year's Madden game.

Madden NFL 2003 (2002)
Of my three Madden games on PS2, this is probably the one I spent the most time playing and customizing. It helped that as a 14-year-old I had very, very little to do in the August dog days of summer vacation. This is probably my favorite football game of all time.

Madden NFL 2004 (2003)
By now, the wheels had fallen off the wagon, so to speak. I still enjoyed the hell out of Madden 2004 but I never played it as much as I played 2003. I blame NCAA Football 2004 for taking up so much of my football attention earlier in the summer.

MVP Baseball 2003 (2003)
Once EA scrapped their awful Triple Play series, I was back on board with them for my baseball games. What I liked most about MVP 2003 was its intuitive and timing-based controls. What I liked least was its limited gameplay modes and bare bones delivery.

MVP Baseball 2004 (2004)
The fatal flaw with this game, which was an improvement over MVP 2003 in almost every conceivable way, was that left-handed hitters just couldn't hit homers. The gamemakers even admitted to the bug, but back then there were no patches and updates to fix console games. It was a real shame, because this game was otherwise absolutely fantastic.

MVP Baseball 2005 (2005)
Here is where it all came together. This was a graphically upgraded MVP Baseball 2004 in which lefties could actually hit homers. It even had all of the minor league baseball teams, allowing you to do call-ups and send-downs in franchise mode.

NBA Live 2003 (2002)
If you couldn't tell, I was pretty into EA Sports games for a while in the early half of the decade. I enjoyed my time with this basketball simulation, but not enough to justify buying any other iterations. Besides, I still find arcade-style hoops to be a little more entertaining to play.

NCAA Football 2004 (2003)
My first and last foray into college football games was entertaining, but it also reminded me that there's virtually no difference between college and the pros in terms of actual gameplay. Except that I've always liked the pro game a whole lot more than the college game. But hey, at least the bands and mascots were cool.

Parappa the Rapper 2 (2002)
I loved Parappa the Rapper and as soon as I discovered the sequel to that obscurity I was on board with no questions asked. Fortunately, this was a decent little game. My friend and I beat it in one night - the final one of summer vacation, no less.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2003)
This is a bit of a disappointing game. I think what everyone wanted was a fun and witty beat-em-up in the vein of Turtles in Time. Instead, we got this run-of-the-mill beat-em-up with very little character.

TimeSplitters 2 (2002)
I didn't discover this game until after my days of Agent Under Fire and NightFire, but once I did there was no turning back. This fast-paced zany FPS isn't the greatest shooter I've played, but to this day it is the most entertaining one I've ever played. My friend and I spent a summer completing the game 100%.

TimeSplitters: Future Perfect (2005)
Sadly, this sequel was a bit of subtraction by addition. I never felt that the game needed a comprehensive story or a cast of characters riddled with personalities that felt more like cliches. It's still a very fun game, sure, but it just isn't what I wanted.

Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 3 (2001)
The series was still riding high on the success of THPS2, and rightfully so, when this installment came forth. It was no THPS2, but it was by no means the awful game that many of its successors were. The graphical upgrade helped sustain the charm, too.

Vampire Night (2001)
There wasn't a whole lot to this game besides the fact that it came with a gun controller peripheral. It was a rail shooter, but not even the best rail shooter on the PS2. That honor belongs to the Time Crisis series.

WWF SmackDown!: Just Bring It (2001)
It's hard for me to remember the distinctions between all of my PS2 wrestling games, but this was the first one on the new generation of systems. Therefore, it was way smoother looking than anything I'd seen to date. By today's standards, of course, it looks horribly outdated and ugly.

WWE SmackDown!: Shut Your Mouth (2002)
I think this was the SmackDown game on which my friends and I spent the most time dabbling with content creation. Such creations included Bill Clinton, Adolf Hitler, Michael Jackson, and Saddam Hussein (topical!). I just wish you could import creations year in and year out instead of remaking the same basic wrestlers from the same basic parts.

WWE SmackDown!: Here Comes the Pain (2003)
Just because this was the last SmackDown game I owned doesn't mean it was the last one I played. My friend has been buying the annual installments for years and I almost always get to play around with the series every winter. Of course, I also feel no need to buy the games for myself anymore.

And that concludes that. I may be back soon with some book, TV, or movie editions of "Three-Sentence Reviews," but reviewing two-hundred games in the past two weeks has really sapped my energy for the concept. Someday, it'll happen. But not yet. Not yet.

Rocky III

It took me thirteen months to go from Rocky to Rocky II, and only nine hours to go from Rocky II to Rocky III. This film did not follow the same general structure as its two predecessors and that made it naturally more interesting. This time, Rock-O starts out on top, with fame and fortune surrounding him. He dicks around in a boxing-vs.-wrestling match with Thunderlips (Hulk Hogan!) before getting challenged by the up-and-comer Clubber Lang (Mr. T!). Oh, and Stallone was ridiculously jacked this time around. This movie also marks the debut of Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." The shorter running length (100 minutes) and the more even distribution of action scenes throughout the movie made it more entertaining than the previous two, though not necessarily as well-written or iconic. Overall, I'm enjoying the franchise so far after finding that the first movie did not live up to my expectations. Good. Next up, however, is Rocky IV, which is often considered the worst of the Rocky films aside from the one that comes right after it. Whatever. I can stomach a couple of terrible movies. Besides, Balboa is supposed to redeem the saga completely.